(Closed) Advice on handling family for Mexico DW. Selfish?

posted 8 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I wouldn’t have a destination wedding if i knew our families weren’t able to come. I’d have that discussion before booking everything for sure! We floated the idea of a destination wedding, but SIL was pregnant and DH’s grandparents are too elderly to fly. It went right out the window because we wanted these people at our wedding. I’d want to know what the real reason is they can’t travel (or don’t want to). You really need to get a clear cut answer from them in order to address any issues at hand.

If you are going to go ahead with the destination wedding, knowing your family may not go, and you are OKAY with it, then that’s your choice.

Post # 4
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I wouldn’t go so far as to say that all destination weddings are selfish and you’re evil for considering one ;), but does your family have legitimate concerns? If they really, truly can’t afford to go there or really wouldn’t be able to make it for some very good reason, I can see why they would be so upset.

If they can make it, but it would be slightly difficult, I wouldn’t worry about it, and just go ahead and do it in Mexico. I don’t know what their situation is or how close you guys are, but I know personally I couldn’t have a wedding without my parents. If it’s financial, maybe you could help pay for their tickets, and if it’s pet concerns, maybe you could help them find a dog/cat sitter?

You’re not being selfish, it just might take a bit of extra legwork on your part to make sure your family can be there :).

Post # 5
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i definitely don’t think a dw is selfish. that being said, i would probably change my plans if i knew my family wouldn’t attend. look over miss handbag’s posts — she was planning a dw and spent money on deposits, etc, then changed her plans close to the wedding because her family was so resistant. you wouldn’t want that to happen to you.

Post # 6
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Well…pets and school aren’t really “excuses” – they are real life obstacles that prevent people from traveling for long periods of time. But, it looks like you are trying to plan for June – people are out of school, right? It may be that people simply can’t afford the trip and are trying to find other ways to say no. Or it could be that they don’t want to spend their only vacation time/money for the year on a trip to Mexico. That’s completely understandable to me. If I were getting the resistance you are, i’d honestly reconsider. Do you really want your wedding to be filled with people that aren’t happy they are there?

Post # 7
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

The thing about destination weddings is that you are choosing location over people – and they know it. 

While you may love San Migel, its really not fair or reasonable of you to expect your friends and family to feel the same enthusiasm for a location they didn’t choose and then use their vacation time and spend an enormous amount of money just to attend your wedding.  

If you’re feeling selfish I think you should pay attention to that feeling.  You can honeymoon in San Migel – why not just do that and have your wedding in place your loved ones can attend?

Post # 9
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I would say it is all about if you are ok with some people not coming.  If you are great! do it!  If not, then seriously talk to those you want to be there and then make a decision.  I don’t think that is selfish.

We are having a wedding in Jamaica and some people may not think it is safe and maybe that is why they are not coming.  I wouldn’t want someone to come who wouldn’t enjoy themselves.  We chose a safe location in Jamaica to make people feel as comfortable as they could.

With everything going on in (central/interior) Mexico right now (central) you can’t be surprised that people may not come due to that and may just not be telling you that.  I have to say I travel a lot and to many places people do not consider ‘safe’ and I will not travel to central/interior mexico right now without some serious research.  Could this be the real issue?  If so maybe give your family some information that may put them at ease about safetly issues.

Post # 10
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

i totally agree with Lisa105 you should have your honeymoon in San Miguel de Allende.  I think it is important to have your closest family there.  I would have the wedding locally and then travel for the honeymoon.  I know you say its safe but I disagree.  I travel to Mexico and have lots of family there and it is NOT safe.  The resort communities on the beaches are guarded by the military but not the inner towns.  I will go to certain areas but definitely not central mexico.  I would discuss with your parents where they are comfortable going and then you and your FH can make a choice.

Post # 11
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2011

i chose grand cayman british island 100 safer than mexico jamaica dr thats y i chose it.. 

but then again u can get robbed at target down the block from your house so you cant really think too much about it 

Post # 12
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You are better than us!!  We are going to Montego Bay, Jamaica and we are taking absolutely NO ONE with us.  It has been the single most stress-free, easy wedding I have ever planned (used to be a planner) and I am really getting to enjoy my engagment.  We are staying for a week at an all inclusive resort and the wedding is scheduled smack dab in the middle of it! 

We started feeling gjust a sliver of guilt about it so we decided to have a send off party prior to leaving for Jamaica at a closer beach (Galveston, it’s about 45 mins to an hour away from us).  This way, our families are included in a some way. We are calling it a “Seaside Serenade Sendoff” and I think it’s the best idea ever! We still are only inviting about 30 people….just our immediate family and best friends.  They aren’t happy about it but it’s what WE want and I think if we do it nice enough, it will be a hit and will all work out!!!

Post # 13
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

While I agree that overall the cayman islands are more safe than parts of mexico (central/interior) and parts of Jamaica (Kingston) there are plenty of safe places in both of those countries and you can still have a ‘unsafe’ incident in the caymans.

I think safety in a foreign country can be directly related to the experience level of a traveler as well as common sense.  For example, like I said before I travel often where others don’t believe it to be safe but I am always alert and I have a lot of experience that helps to keep me safe.  I often see people doing stupid things abroad and it never suprises me when they run into trouble.

For example: The guy wearing huge gold necklaces and bracelts on the beach in Jamaica – big surprise his safe was emptied!  If you travel to a poor or 3rd world country you don’t flaunt things the same way you might back home.  A lot of people don’t understand these things though 🙂

  Having said all of this I still think Mexico can be pretty dangerous right now especially if you are not an experienced or saavy traveler.  Even if you are an experienced traveler you family may not be. The more information you can get to them to help them understand the safety issues and be aware of how act when in Mexico the better off you will be – but you still may not convince them to go to a wedding there.  Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

You should have your Darling Husband talk to them about how important it is they are there–maybe he will get a more clear answer

Post # 15
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

lisa105 – I respectfully and wholeheartedly disagree with your comment “The thing about Destination Wedding is that you are choosing location over people….”  

It means that B and G and choosing to celebrate a very important event in their lives in the way that THEY see fit (rather than trying to please family/extended family/friends, etc.).

That being said, there is always the grey area…..i.e. IF having the entire family at said wedding is very very important to you, then maybe Destination Wedding is not the way to go.

But if OP (or anyone) is shelling out a hugh chuck of money for guests to eat and drink to their hearts content, have the party where you want the party.  That does not make one selfish.  

Nisam78 – I would definitely have a heart-to-heart with your fam and your Fiance before signing any contracts, though.  Losing money sucks.   

 

Post # 16
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Rock Hugger:I totally agree with your comment. I did not chose a Destination Wedding because I was choosing location over the people. I chose Destination Wedding because Fiance and I love to travel and we knew that it would be something very special for us and where we wanted to celebrate that day.

I think that you should have a serious conversation with the family and see what their legitimate concerns are. Then you need to take the time to decide what’s important to you. Will you not want the wedding if sister doesn’t come for example.

I am also having a destination wedding and I have to say all of FI’s family was resistant to it when we announced it and it seemed like no one was coming. Now a couple months later they have all warmed up to the idea and  I think they are all coming. For some people its a shock but if they truly want to be there they will make it happen.

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