(Closed) Advice on how to deal with my FSIL (now bridesmaid)…

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
4575 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Itsallcomingtogether:  i would try approaching her first, nicely of course and just try to ask her if she still wants to be part of the bridal party, maybe she might not have the time and doesnt know how to tell you or if you dont feel comfy to do that then ask your Fiance to ask her instead…GL

Post # 4
Member
5797 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would just continue to text/email her and if she doesn’t reply she doesn’t reply. Just make plans/decisions without her input. If she was blowing off my moh about planning a shower/bachelorette then I would bring up with her myself. I wouldn’t bring up her potentially backing out of the wedding party since it seems like it would just create friction with his family.

Post # 5
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Itsallcomingtogether:  omg problem twin lol!

I’ve gottin along with Future Sister-In-Law pretty well, (even gone out for drinks with her and her friends a few times). When we got engaged she was actually pretty happy (and the FIL’s) but here’s the situation….

Fiance proposed the day bfr his bday party at his bday dinner… next we see Future Sister-In-Law at his party and she “jokingly” (but not really) says “dibs on bridesmaid”. I was like… ok…… kinda cholked that she dubbed herself, but I let it go. So I hadnt actually asked any of my maids yet but me and Fiance talked about who we were having etc… and at one point he was debating having her as his best women… so thats why I was liek errr…ahhhh… at her comment.

fast forward 2 months, Im out with Future Sister-In-Law and her friend for dinner and friend asks “how many bridesmaids are you having?”, and bfr I finished my sentence, Future Sister-In-Law pipes in “AM I ONE OF THEM?”…. so at this point WTF was I supposed to say other then yes or no… I was planning asking, but after this the point of actually asking was gone. what was I supposed to do after I said yes go….so do you wanna be my bridesmaid? then what?? have her say uuuuuh, didnt we already talk about this?

so I started in early asking if she wanted to join in some dress shopping both Bridesmaid or Best Man and bridal… and she either NEVER responded, or was working. This pattern continued and any time I mentioned shopping, or the wedding it was the eye roll, or no reponse to msgs etc….

I knew she was/is avoiding me because Id txt her no response and Fiance sitting next to me is txting her back and forth…..

anyways, I picked out the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses which are getting ordered next month and she has yet to bother to go see/try it on yet, and I think its because it wasnt her first choice even though I think its awesome!! at first I was gonna do the pick your own just same designer, fabric, colour, but all the other BM’s fell in love with the same dress so I said sweet we’re going with one… however Future Sister-In-Law wanted a diff one. see link below: in colour majestic purple…click on the swatch thingy

http://www.dessy.com/dresses/bridesmaid/d462/#.UO9VavK5hSM

Fast forward like months until now…. recently Fiance talked to Future Sister-In-Law on the phone and she was upset because she felt like she was just chosen out of obligation because I never ASKED HER… im like are you effing kidding me?

and apparently she got all upset and started crying when they talked about the wedding… Fiance said she was being like this because “her big brother was actually getting married”, and she just got super emotional, and she feels like shes loosing him. I kind of understand…. in a way my mom said she had these feelings of “jealousy” when her bro got married like who the eff is this women taking my brother away…. lol its kind of weird but I guess it happens??

I think this is why shes been kind of cold in terms of the plans… the whole thing is coming fast and shes realizing whats happening.

 

Post # 7
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Itsallcomingtogether:  well thats the thing I think its a combo of emotions… she was happy and excited about the engagement, but when it finally HIT her holy crap, my brother is moving on in life its hard. For him family “leaving” and “moving on” is really difficult because of how italians are (very very close, the mama’s dont want them an arms length away etc…) and its kind of like they feel like he’s not going to be a part of their lives anymore??? or in the same way?? and it kinda makes them sad.

Before me, his mom and sister were the main women/most important in his life, and now obviously thats not the case, so as happy as they are, its also “jealously”… not in a weird incestuous way lol.. but …. I dunno how to explain it.

also theres the fact that the dress isnt HER first choice and I’ll be honest shes a bit of a princess….

As for the Bridesmaid or Best Man thing, ya I wish everyone would have waited until we freakin asked… even some of his buddies were making assumptions and it was really awkward because he has a HUGE group of guys and just couldnt have them all…. :s Fiance sister just kept jumping the gun and screwed herself out of being “asked”….

I do believe its the blood talk to blood because when its YOU… YOU become the evil witch who took my son/brother away and now________….but when it actually comes from their brother/son its like oh crap…. he actually feels this way….this isnt just “her”.

They ended up talking about it because they were just chatting… and Fiance brought up us moving to a new house (trigger 1 because we wont be living 2 min away anymore), and then they started talking about random wedding stuff because I had emailed all the Bridesmaid or Best Man that week as a reminder we’d be ordering dresses in Feb, so if you care go try it on lol…. and I guess she just blurted out: “so…. I dont know what to think about this Bridesmaid or Best Man thing because theres a lot of us (6), and I dont know if I was just asked out of obligation, bcecause she never really actually asked me….”. Fiance was like huh? and then she kinda broke down, and just exploded in emotions, and Fiance was like dont be ridiculous, but the truth???? yes she was a little irritaed you kinda just DUBBED yourself a Bridesmaid or Best Man bfr she could ask you and apparently you kinda sabotaged the other time she was going to… but she was going to ask….

anywho, not long after we were at the IL’s house for dinner and to her face I said, OK DRESS SHOPPING ASAP… and she kinda laughed and looked the other way….. so…. at this point pardon me, but I really dont give a flying ducks arse. If she wants to continue to ignore everything in regards to the wedding (oh if I txt her randomly Not Wedding Related she replies asap….wedding related she looses her phone), but ya if she continues to ignore it, I’m going to get Fiance to deal with it, and if she orders the dress fine, if she doesnt she can sit with her bloody parents because Im done with her highschool bullshit.

My advice would be to get your Fiance to talk to her one day just casually like I dont know if they see eachother or talk regularly, but see if they can meet for lunch or something, talk about normal stuff and then get him to start talking about random wedding things, and say oh ya…so I’ve kinda noticed your not really taking an interest, is something going on/are you upset? I’ve been asking______how plans are coming along and she said shes been having a hard time getting reponses from all the girls including you.

 

 

 

 

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