- 7 years ago
So, I need some advice and I’m afraid this might be a bit lengthy.
My boyfriend, J, and I have only been dating 10 months. Not really that long. We are perfect for each other, extremely compatible and moved pretty fast in the relationship.We were actually work buddies and both had crushes on each other for two years before we finally started dating. We are already living together at this time and had a very blissful relationship initially. However things went south. The major reason is his mother.
Let me try and give you a quick run down of that. Umm, she’s always acted aggressively towards me while smiling. I shrugged it off and continued to be nice towards her. Whenever I was at his parents house I would help with dinner, breakfast, cleaning, putting the horses away, I even helped this lady build her shower. She’s always just been kind of… off in her attitude towards me though. Things started getting really bad when she found I moved in with him. They cut off his funding for his living expenses and then she verbally blamed me for it. That made me a bit bitter and I still did nothing. She finally pissed me off when J and I decided to visit my grandparents at the coast and she started our trip off my calling him up on the phone, screaming at him and guilt tripping him. 5 months into our relationship and we had never gone anywhere!
So, two days later shit really hit the fan when we went over to J’s parents house for father’s day. His mom, is quite the attention whore I might add, and she refused to speak to. I say there waiting to see how she would treat me…… and the only thing she said to me was her trying to fish for compliments. Eventually she got outraged that I wasn’t kissing her ass and she yelled at me in front of J and said “ACKNOWLEDGE MY PRESENCE!!” I looked her in the eye and looked away. I’m naturally quiet anyway so I wasn’t acting too strange. J then took me home later because I wasn’t feeling good due to an autoimmune issue I have. Behind my back she called me out and basically said I was faking feeling poorly! Then later that night, she tried to convince J to kick me out of the apartment and that I was secretly a horrible person and he needed to open his eyes to really see who I am. This wasn’t the end of her nonsense, there was so much more including having her mother call J up and scold him for letting me control him and how his mom was dying (she apparently developed crohn’s too! Karma!) Now she’s playing this “Oh I miss your girlfriend, she should really come over” game. I haven’t seen her since father’s day because stress makes my crohn’s act up. simple.
This all caused J and I a lot of stress. I was very sick all summer and that put more tension into the relationship. Then finances put tension in the relationship and now we are no where near where either of us thought we would be in this relationship and neither of us know what to do.
The biggest thing for me, is that before all this nonsense happened, J and I were talking about getting engaged. It was pretty early, but we both realized early on that we are “it” for each other. I didn’t think an engagement would be soon, but I could tell it was on both of our minds and we were working towards it. Now though, he never talks about it and it’s not something we are moving closer to. I understand why, I do, but I’m actually resentful because I feel like he gave me this wonderful daydream and then took it away.
So, we need to build our relationship back up, but I’m hurt and resentful over where we are after almost a year of dating and the fact that he “took” the daydream back so to speak. It seems like a catch 22. Any advice? Oh, and thank you for making it through this novel!