(Closed) Advice on how to handle my parents :(

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

Well, maybe you need to sit your family down, and explain that what you need from them is to be supportive of you during this time. You’re doing what you have to do to make ends meet and that you’re doing your wedding your way.

Post # 4
Member
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

Have you explained to them that you’re not putting extra pressure on yourself by getting this job? If your parents are anything like my parents, then their main worry will probably be you burning out, and they’ll probably be feeling guilty for not being able to help more and feel responsible.

It might be worth having a conversation with the both of them – have you got Skype or anything? Face-to-face, even digitally, can be better than over the phone. Or maybe you can arrange for them to come and visit and show them the place you’re wanting to use? I think that might be the best option, although I know the distance could be a problem – but maybe you could make a weekend out of it? They come up and you could go for a nice meal and you could explain your rationale – that you’re doing the extra job to save up for your honeymoon not the wedding, and swear blind that it’s something you WANT to do, and that if you feel overstretched you’ll quit (that’s what my mum would want to hear). Then take them out to show them the venue, maybe ask for ideas on decorations and so on – so they feel involved!

Maybe you could even arrange to have a look at some dresses as well with your mum?

I can imagine they’re just feeling a bit a) guilty – from what you’ve said, they’re worried about the money they can give you, and you taking the extra job will have just cemented that; but also perhaps they’re worried about the cost of travelling for the wedding itself, and not being able to physically support you more in the preparation;  and b) left out – 300 miles is a long way, and I expect your mum has been dreaming about helping plan your wedding for years. Having it closer to her home would allow her to take a more active role, and now she can’t – she’ll probably have local recommendations near her, but near you they’re all strangers, does that make sense? I think it would be important to let her know you value her input and keep her as involved as you can.

I let my mum fuss around with the idea of ceramic pumpkins for the last fornight to keep her from fretting (she may have actually bought some, which my dad will be delighted about) before she came round and said “actually, I think real pumpkins will be better”. Yes mum, I said that a fortnight ago. But she wasn’t hurting anyone (except possibly my father who may or may not have a dozen ceramic pumpkins to deal with), kept her happy and let her feel involved.

Communication is the key! Just let them know your plan, and keep the lines open – they’ll stress less, and feel more involved. I’m sure it will work out fine! πŸ™‚

Post # 6
Member
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

@lookingglass:  I’m glad I could help!

Just had a look at some of your other posts – about your weekends off. Maybe another thing to do would be to schedule in now a weekend for JUST you and her mum-daughter time, because I bet she really misses you. A wedding fair would be a great idea, but maybe you could make it a Big Girls Weekend?

I’m not sure where you’re based, but I know there’s a massive one in the Excel Centre in London next February – then you could go for a nice meal and catch a show afterwards? Take loads of pictures and make it about just the two of you – then she’ll have some great memories of the planning to enjoy, and something to look forward to until then!

Post # 7
Member
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

@lookingglass:  Did you manage to get it all smoothed over in the end? πŸ™‚

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