- 5 years ago
I’ve been engaged almost a month now and feelings between my family and I are pretty upsetting.
I live 300 miles away from them with my Fiance in a beautiful coastal town. We’ve lived here for 3 years and Fiance and I really consider this place our home.
When I first moved here, I walked into an art gallery and absolutely fell in love with it. I knew my wedding reception would one day be held there and for the last 3 years I’ve walked around it and felt nothing but good vibes.
So when we got engaged I told my parents that was the place I’d want to hold my reception, and I wanted to get married in less than a year. At first they were very excited, but then my mum kept pushing me to look at other places ‘just in case’. I did, but they just weren’t ‘us’ and I always went back to my first choice. After a week of me excitedly talking to my parents about this place, they started to get really angry saying that they’d had nothing to do with the planning and that I’d just stormed in and decided everything on my own. They kept trying to come up with reasons why this place was too expensive and when I argued that it’s the same price (if not cheaper!) than other venues in the area, they brought up that maybe it wouldn’t be as expensive if I’d have gotten married in the town I grew up in.
This place is 300 miles away from me, and at least 200 miles away from FIs family. I have no real ties to the place, Fiance has absolutely no ties to it (he didn’t grow up there) and not to mention how difficult it would be for me to arrange things there as I live so far away!
So then the conversations turned to money. We can save £13k this year on our basic wages and although it’ll be quite tough, it’s definintely doable. My family were pretty well off as I grew up but their business has been hit hard these past few years and they can ‘only’ contribute about £4k. I say ‘only’ because I can see how hard it was for them to contribute what they consider to be ‘so little’ and my mum had to explain their financial situation so I knew why they couldn’t contribute more. I am so grateful for them to contribute anything let alone £4k! I couldn’t be happier and now we get to have everything in our ‘exrtas’ column on the budget spreadsheet and I can have the wedding of my dreams.
But this doesn’t include a honeymoon and I am soooo determined to go to Disney World. Because of that, I’m getting a weekend job in a shop (my favourite shop in the world) and Fiance is taking on extra work. I’m ridiculously excited about this. I’m a massive control freak and seeing that I can take up an extra job to see the money in my savings account increase month by month is massively satisfying. Not to mention the fact that Disney is actually an option now – not just a dream.
Unfortunately, my parents don’t see it that way. They called me crying last night because they’re ‘worried about me’ and don’t know why I have to ‘have a big wedding’ and ‘you’ve lived together for 3 years so I don’t even understand why you need a big wedding’.
It’s not a big wedding – it’s going to be mostly DIY and is not what I would call ‘grand’, but there the contradiction comes again – they don’t want it to look ‘cheap’. They are the ones wanting me to have a nice cake, wedding shoes (hello – I have shoes!) and proper cars to transport people. I would be happy in my sandals, a fake cake with sheet cake ready to serve, and my bridesmaids in off the rack dresses. So they don’t want me to spend lots, but they also don’t want me to do things that look cheap.
I just don’t know what to do 🙁 Every time I think we’ve solved this, it comes back up again. I don’t know how many times I can tell them not to worry, but I also don’t know how to handle the contradictions!
This is supposed to be one of the happiest moments of my life and I just want to cry whenever I talk to them about it 🙁