(Closed) Advice on Illegitimate Sibling

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should my friend:
    Facebook stalk her illegitimate sibling. : (25 votes)
    44 %
    Go to church to meet the illegitimate sibling. : (15 votes)
    26 %
    Forget about having the illegitimate sibling. : (14 votes)
    25 %
    Other and I will add a comment. : (3 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    933 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I think it’s a little weird she’s approached her but there’s really no reason to resurrect this.

    Post # 4
    1020 posts
    Bumble bee

    If I were your friend, I’d send the sister a Facebook message. If she replies and sounds interested, your friend could go from there. If she doesn’t reply, your friend should let it go.

    Post # 5
    4041 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’d first find out if this was all true and the “sibling” is in fact a sibling. Someone saying something once at church does not truth make. 

    Post # 6
    399 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I think your friend should drop the word “illegitimate,” as in wipe it completely from her vocabulary so she doesn’t accidentally use it. It is much less uncomfortable to say “I think we have the same father” than to say “I think you are my father’s illegitimate child.”


    @Luvdisc:  I think this is the best way to go about approaching the situation, if they both have facebook. If not, maybe a brief letter with your friend’s contact information.

    Post # 9
    2299 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    @thepainter:  definitely! i was uncomfortable just reading ‘illegitimate’ that many times. a person can’t be ‘illegitimate’ – they are a real person. that’s a rotten word designed to put down people born out of wedlock. i would say ‘half sister’ instead.

    Post # 10
    944 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    My dad had a son 6 years younger than me, I found out about him when I was 33 years old by accident. My half-brother wants nothing to do with us, and that’s fine. I’ve posted enough about my dad in OPs to understand why. He’s not coming to the wedding, I have no contact with him. If things were different, they would be. I wouldn’t push it any further if I were you.

    Post # 11
    862 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    If I had a half-sister, I’d definitely want to meet her!  This girl can’t be blamed for what the father did.  These two girls are sisters and SHOULD have a relationship (or should at least be given the chance to have one) in my opinion.  An ex friend of mine was in a similar situation–her mother gave up her first daughter for adoption–but my ex friend never pursued the matter once she found out about it, and for the life of me I still can’t understand WHY.  She said that maybe her sister doesn’t WANT to be approached by her biological family, but it could just as easily be the case that she’s actually been SEARCHING for them without success.  My ex friend just never bothered to even look for her sister and never wanted to find her, and I never could understand how anyone could so easily dismiss and turn their back on a sibling like that!  I think your friend should introduce herself and if the girl doesn’t want to have anything to do with her, then that’s her choice, but I say let that be HER call to make.  I say give her the chance to know her family and see what she decides she wants for herself.

    Post # 12
    5494 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Yeah if nothing else I would suggest to drop the term “illegitimate child” from her vocabulary.

    There are no illegitimate children, only illigitimate parents.  

    Post # 13
    595 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    My Darling Husband went through something very similar.  He has only met his father once in his adult life, but always knew that he had a sister that was his age.  He finally found out her name when he looked up his father in some court records.  He search her name on the internet and found that she was on FB.  Since we do not have FB, a friend sent her a message with contact information in it.  This was back in August of this year and I think that the two of them talk just about every day.  Assuming your friend can get over the fact that her father possibly had an affair, I say try to meet her.  What is the worst that will happen, they don’t get along and never speak again?

    Post # 14
    3766 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I’ve never met my sperm donor, ahem, biological father, but I would imagine I have half siblings wandering around somewhere.

    If I had a choice I don’t think I’d want to meet a half sibling. And if I got a FB message from a half sibling, I honestly don’t even know if I’d respond. My life is what it is, and I am the person I am, because I’ve had no contact with them. I’m not bitter or anything, I’m just happy with how things are.

    Who knows, if actually presented with the situation I might act differently. Maybe I could at least get family medical history.

    The topic ‘Advice on Illegitimate Sibling’ is closed to new replies.

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