(Closed) advice on modern day etiquette

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

My Emily Post is a little outdated, but I can give you my opinion.  I think that your nephew is entitled to the full treatment.  He should get his big wedding and bachelor party.  In her case, I think she has had enough parties in her honor as the bride.  Of course, someone is bound to throw her one, but you shouldn’t feel obligated to attend, but I would if you want to make her feel like a member of the family.

One rule that isn’t really stickly observed any more is the wearing white.  Lots of first-time brides don’t wear white, and lots of second (or third) time brides do wear white.

Hope this helps, and welcome to the board!

Post # 4
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Yeah, I see where you’re coming from.  And white isn’t really observed like it once was.

As for the big wedding and the showers, it probably gets a bit tricky since it involves your nephew, who is a first timer.  Is it something that is being thrown around in your family, or her family too?  Perhaps people are tring to make her feel like a part of the family.  (as for the other comments on showers for second preganancies, in general I don’t like the idea.  But this scenario is a bit tricky.)

If people are asking for your input, could you at least trying to tone it down by having a 2 in 1 shower (baby and bridal) since she’s already pregnant????

It kind of sounds like you don’t approve of this girl or feel like somehow she is involved in requesting these showers.  You’ll have to decide if you want to be a part of it or not.  I feel for you not agreeing with what is going on, but probably not wanting to hurt your nephew.  Could you be a part of the day by going, but be true to your feelings of not agreeing with it by spending less money?  Perhaps going in with some relatives on a gift?  Usually people spend less money that way.  Good luck.

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