- 10 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
My fiance & I got engaged just over 2 months ago. He proposed in a romantic setting AND on bended knee. He presented me a beautiful 1ct platinum brilliant cut solitaire….what i always *thought* i wanted. I know I am incredibly lucky. I live in the UK and 1ct here is considered really quite big. From looking in windows its what I always imagined would look beautiful on my hand.
We have been together over 4 years and have known we were getting married for a long time. We actually had a civil ceremony here in the uk last year for financial reasons but decided to leave the ‘romance’ of a proposal/ring/wedding for later. We are moving to the USA (my family live there) and we want to have our wedding there. Nobody knows we are actually married, its our little secret for now to keep the ‘big’ wedding more special. This information is just included so that its understood that the ‘proposal’ details was really all that we had that was going to be a surprise and that the fact that he was going to propose was never a surprise.
My problem is….I’m not sure I like my ring! When we were talking about getting engaged I pointed out things i did and did not like in windows although i NEVER tried any on. I did not want to seem too greedy so always pointed out .75-1ct rings as my ideal even though secretly i hoped for something more like 1.25-1.5.
I actually received the EXACT ring i pointed out in one shop. It IS a lovely ring! My issues are these: I’m a bit disappointed because i have really quite big hands (slim with long fingers) and I think my ring looks quite small on my hand (1ct looks big on many hands i know). He says he looked at other rings but I think he just went for what I pointed out. This doesnt really bother me but i guess it makes me think perhaps this individual ring is not of particular sentimental value to him and he just got me it because he thought its what i wanted. My fiance actually had an insurance pay-out (due to an accident we were both in we BOTH got cheques) and I know that he received pretty much exactly the amount for my ring so he did not put himself into debt for it or save up over a period of time.
When he proposed he told me I could change the ring if i didnt like it and asked if i was happy with it. I said yes, of course. Who would say “i want to change my ring” as soon as they get engaged? Plus, I was just excited and happy!
Now that I wear it I notice it has an inclusion thats visible to the naked eye AND I feel like its a bit smaller than I wish i had. That may sound vain and greedy, I’m sure it is, but I guess every girl wants her ‘dream’ ring!?
After about 1.5 months I plucked up the courage to mention that perhaps I wanted to think about changing it. At first my fiance was nice and supportive that all he wanted was me to be happy but eventually it surfaced that he was annoyed at me and he entire process was unhappy and detracted from any joy of the engagement. We actually returned the ring to the store and looked at the EXACT same one but bigger stone which i thought looked more proportionate to my hand. I felt guilty about the extra price but offered to pay it myself. He said he wanted to pay it. I had to wait a day to get the new ring but overnight I just felt sad that I had ruined something special and worried about the money. It made me feel awful that I was almost forcing it and that he had no joy in the ring anymore. I went back the next day and asked for my original ring back. End of story.
Now I cant help but look at it and wonder if I should have just gotten what I really wanted, slightly bigger. I had the hard conversation and the ‘size’ issue has been mentioned so should I have just gone through with it? I think I am happy to have the sentimentality of the original ring but at the same time think he didnt really chose it himself. My ideal would be if he gave me his full blessing to get a bigger one and let it be a happy occasion that we could both look fondly on and both be happy. Now I feel that I have a ring I’m not 100% happy with but unable to do anything about out of fear it will make HIM unhappy.
Upgrade in the future? Bring it up again and talk to fiance about how his original reaction was upsetting? Just keep quite and be grateful for what I have?
I am a young doctor and although have some student debts at the moment we will both be in long-term good earning careers.
Please no nasty comments, everyone has different expectations and price limitations. I know some people are very happy with smaller diamonds I’m just talking about MY dream ring. Thanks for advice.