(Closed) Advice on shower guests not invited to wedding?

posted 4 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
4442 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@sofialovesmikey:  Eeeeek!  I would tell them that they can host a party but there will be no guest of honor, that is SO HAWKWARD.

Post # 4
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Can you have a shower locally, and invite her before she goes any further?

Post # 6
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

Explain to her again that these people will not be invited to the wedding and you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.  And you don’t want it to reflect badly on her, as the host.  

It’s nice that she’s supporting you and wants to do this for you.  Maybe redirect her good intentions to some thing else?

Post # 7
Member
4416 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Oh dear, you’re in quite a jam here. What I would do is specifically say to her that “I’m a little worried about this bridal shower, because none of the extended family that lives in [town name] is invited to the wedding, and I simply don’t have the budget to add them. I was under the impression that it was terrible etiquette to invite people to a shower but not to the wedding, so I’m not sure how to proceed! You probably know more about these things than I do, though — what do you think?”  It’s possible she doesn’t realize these people aren’t invited to the wedding, or maybe she doesn’t realize this is bad etiquette … but either way, if you say something like that then you’ve washed your hands of it and done all you could. If she comes back with “don’t you worry a thing about that; we’ve got it all under control” then I guess buck up, swallow hard, and deflect any questions to the host of the shower … ?

Post # 8
Member
9692 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@sweetbutdemanding:  +1. Include her in local activities rather than have her force you to be rude. I would be so pissed if I was invited to a shower, bought a gift, and then wasn’t included in the wedding. I guess a lot of hosts don’t know the etiquette, but you obviously do. I would be upfront and tell her: “no, I am not comfortable doing this even though it is a sweet gesture. However, I am happy to include you in X, Y, and Z.” She sounds like she wants to be involved, so give her something else to plan.

Post # 10
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m in a similar situation. The host of the couple’s shower (formerly ‘bridal shower’) wanted to have something that friends of her and my parents can come to… some of them are invited and some are not! A few people have assured me that it’s okay since I”m not the one organizing the party, and I’ve just kind of decided not to stress about it. Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@sofialovesmikey:  my friends from church threw me a lovely surprise bridal shower and only two of them are actually invited to the wedding. It’s not completely unheard of. I think it’s tough in your position bc the ppl invited might then assume they are invited to the wedding. Although given your circumstances i think they would be more understanding. My invites had already gone out so this wasn’t the case for me. I just wanted to let you know it wasn’t as awful as some here might make it out to be. Good luck.

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