Post # 1
So my BF and I have been together a bit over a year now and we’ve lived together for 6 months. I just graduated from college and while I was in college he always talked about getting married and that he wanted to propose to me so badly, but he didn’t want to put that kind of stress on me until I graduated…so, here I am, almost 3 months after graduation, and still no ring.
I’m a photographer and still trying to build my clientelle, so I’m not making nearly as much money as I’d like. And he works for my University (don’t worry–he wasn’t my teacher or anything-lol!) and makes pretty good money (enough to pay the bills plus some extra). I kind of started trying to get an idea of when he was going to propose as it got closer to graduation (since he said he was going to do it after I graduated, that’s pretty much all I could think about as the day got closer!), and he told me that he wanted for us to be in a good position to get married before he proposed–have plenty of money to live on our own and whatnot–which is wonderful thinking on his part! Anyway, after graduation he told me that he had been planning to propose on New Year’s Eve, but he just didn’t have the money to buy me a ring, which is fine, it just made the wait “indefinite” instead of just “til graduation.”
So, long story short, I suppose I feel like we’re kind of “stuck” in the waiting game. He keeps telling me that he wants to propose (and I know he’s had it planned for a long time), but that he can’t afford the ring. But seriously, my taste isn’t THAT expensive. And where does all his money go? I feel like we’re ganna be in this same money boat for a while, a few years maybe, especially with the economy the way it is, so it just seems like now is as good a time as any.
I hate to sound bitter or like a snob–I’m not at all. I love him so much and I know it will be worth the wait. I’m just so ready to take this next step with him and I’m so excited about starting our new life together. It just seems like it’s ganna be forever until that can actually happen, and it is, as I’m sure you know, so very hard to wait. And it would be diferent if I knew, “Okay, well he’s ganna do it in 6 months, or 8 months…” so on, I just need some advice on the waiting indefinitely…it’s a very frustrating process…any help would be most appreciated! 🙂
Post # 3
How about asking him:
If I were totally ok w/ a sterling silver ring that costs $200 at Macy’s (or whatever store)would you propose then? Would you be ready for marriage?
That way, he can’t “hide” behind the “ring reason”. What will he say then?
Just something to think about.
Post # 4
Gosh hon I wish I had advise for you.. Im in the same boat and it sucks.. majorly
Post # 5
as i started reading the beginning of your post i thought to myself “he’s probably saving for a ring!” you have nothing to worry about! if i were you, i’d back off. he is def saving for a ring and i’m sure he wants to surprise you and get something really nice, not just anything he could buy right now! i think you have to really let the guy lead in this situation. guys want to feel like they are the man- planning the perfect surprise proposal and sweeping their wife to be off her feet:) i doubt he’ll wait too much longer if he’s mentioned he wants to propose- just let him do his thing. remember: good things come to those who wait! don’t let the journey pass you by because you’re focused on the end result- enjoy this time:)
Post # 6
I’m in the same boat. Try to focus on your career and other things you are interested it. It takes your mind off waiting.
Post # 7
A year isn’t that long to wait. Fiance and I have been together for almost 5 years, lived together for 4 of those. We talked about getting married soon after dating (We were only 18-19 then!) Let it happen at his pace – you don’t want to rush him. When it happens, it is truly amazing.
Post # 8
I’m sure he’s saving, but you’ve only been together a year. Maybe he’s jut giving you guys some time with the adjustment of graduation and whatnot and he doesn’t feel the “rush”.
Post # 9
Thank you all so much! Your comments have been really helpful and comforting!
@hazel920–I’m asked him a kind of similar question before, and he was totally okay with that if just a $200 ring from Macy’s is what I really wanted (I think I used Walmart in my example :). He’s all about spending less money if he can, but he said he knows me too well to think something like that is really what I would want in the long-term…so that’s good…it’s just so very hard to wait for the “long-term” while in the short-term.
…and I suppose it doesn’t help either that, being a photographer, wedding photography and engagment portraits is one of my main sources of income…when it’s in your face the majority of the time, it makes it even harder to stop thinking about it…but I suppose I can always come here to find comfort til it happens. Thank y’all! 🙂
Post # 10
I’m in the same boat cam & it sucks! We have been together 3.5 yrs and I feel like we never have any money to spare after bills & what not. I just keep thinking that the engagement will never happen because I don’t see him having the money anywhere in the near future! And I don’t have expensive taste either!! At least I know I’m not alone…
Post # 11
I’m with you. We both want to be married about this time next year, but I have no idea when the actual proposal is going to happen. My BF is extremely meticulous and likes to plan things down to the milisecond. Lord knows how long he’s going to want to save up, then how long it’s going to take to actually pick the ring, then how long it’s going to take to actually plan the proposal. Ugh. I know it IS going to happen within the year, it’s the “when” that gets me.
The only thing you can really do is to try to enjoy the moment. I’m constantly reminding myself about how happy I am just to be WITH him. I was sitting and thinking the other day about how, given the fact that I’m going to be spending the next 30 odd years with this man, this time now is so, so precious. Compared to the rest of our lives, we’re in our infancy right now. In 10 years, I’m going to look back at the stage we’re at now (so wildly, madly in love, living together in our first rented house with a yard, just us and the cats, our entire future ahead of us all bright shiny and new) and treasure it. I want to get the very, VERY most out of where we’re at now and the only way I can do that is to live in the moment and not let it pass me by. It’s not always easy, it’s certainly a day by day kind of thing, but well worth it.
Post # 12
My advice is to enjoy your relationship! You have only been dating a year and you guys are young! Have fun and just enjoy being young and in love!
The engagement and marriage will come in due time. When he is ready and more when he can afford to propose to you the way he wants to!