(Closed) Advice… People Not Attending Your Ceremony/Wedding

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6359 posts
Bee Keeper

Like, present hypothetical situations with solutions?

I think it would be difficult because usually our thoughts are triggered by something… such as a thread on the bee.

If one were to post about a hypothetical situation very similar to an actual situation presently being discussed on the bee, it would seem like an indirect way to say things about the poster of the actual situation that they may not like to hear. Feelings hurt, drama, thead closed. That’s sadly how I see it going.

Post # 4
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

I honestly believe that a lot of the posts on the bee are much more geared towards never telling a bride they’re wrong as to not hurt their feelings. The notion that someone would cut someone out of their lives because they didn’t show up at their wedding is ridiculous to me. Somewhere along the way, too many of these girls have watched way too much Bridezilla, SYTTD and the rest of the bridal shows and think that life is supposed to be that way. STEP AWAY FROM THE REMOTE CONTROL. The truth is, your wedding is all about you and while it’s all about you, life doesn’t revolve around you. These are people who by and large may work 5 days a week, have 2 days off to spend with their families and you’re asking them to give one day to them. Some just don’t want to do that and rather than RESPECT that, you don’t want to deal with them anymore. It’s a whole lot of selfish that I just can’t get with. 

 

You can’t give brides here nonemotional advice, because then you’re attacking them or being mean. I’ve read a ton of threads here where people seek validation for bad behavior, others give it and when the voice of reason comes along, you hear… I didn’t want to be attacked. It’s not an attack, it’s an opposing viewpoint – but you get butt hurt because someone may tell you you’re wrong. I’ll say this, my SIL told me when we first got engaged, be careful, weddings bring out the worst in people and I can’t say she was wrong. I actually took the attitude that I didn’t care about MOST of my wedding and I was looked at like I had sprouted new limbs.

Post # 6
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@Rachel631:  

I understand completely what you’re saying, but the truth is that most people on the bee CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH. A lot of the posts on here are people who are behaving irrationally and the people who want to enable them to behave irrationally because when they have their irrational moment, they want folks to cheer them on and leave them be. 

IMO, if you invite 2 aethists to your religious ceremony, there’s no reason to suspect that they’d come. It goes against their beliefs. Respect that about them. In the grand scheme of things, you’re not going to do a head count, walk around with your guest list and take attendance. Enjoy the day INSPITE of who showed up and who didn’t. It doesn’t make them any less happy that you two got married, it just means that their belief system doesn’t allow them to attend. They didn’t wish you dead, did they? Slap your mom? Kick dirt on your kids? THOSE are things you terminate a relationship over. 

Post # 8
Member
1358 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I suspect that the best advice anyone can give for issues that will not affect anyone’s life outside of your wedding is just “roll with the punches.” Stuff goes wrong, sometimes people even let you down. But it’s surprising how good it can feel to just let go of the frustration, recognize that you can’t control everything, and let the chips fall where they may.

 

Perhaps this could be a “what is the best emotional wedding advice you received or have to offer” thread? I think there’s a ton of one-size-fits-all advice about flowers or saving money or finding the right venue, but it’s the emotional stuff that can be truly difficult to navigate.

Post # 9
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@Rachel631:  

I tell the 100% unmitigated, uncensored truth 100% of the time. Believe it or not, that’s what most people love about me because if you’re being ridiculous, I’ll tell you. You’ll never have to worry about me being one that smiles in your face and then has an inbox conversation about you or talks about you behind your back.

 

I didn’t see your previous post, but had I seen it… the above would have been exactly what I said. It didn’t even MATTER what the underlying issues are. The fact of the matter is besides you, your Fiance and your minister, no one else is obligated to show for any reason. Of course, I could have taken the next 30 posts and really started to ask questions about what the real issue was, but then, no one would have been asking me to put a microscope to their relationship. LOL

Post # 11
Member
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

This is actually the thing that bothers me the most about this community.  Don’t get me wrong, I love that it’s not like other places were people are downright rude or offensive, but really – if you post for advice you should be able to put on your big girl (or boy) panties and take it.  If you are looking for someone to listen and just make rainbows out of garbage, get a dog.

 

I find too often the person who goes against the grain is the one I agree with, or the one that’s making rational sense. That person more often than not gets called out for being “mean”.  That is why most people either pass on a comment, or say something sugar coated so they don’t get shit on.

 

I don’tknow why you’d ask for advice or help if you didn’t want it.  If you come here and say “am I being crazy” and the story is that you went all Carrie Underwood on your FI’s truck because you saw a number his cell bill that you don’t recognize, with no other reason to lose trust, damn rights someone should be able to say HELL YES without being made into a monster.  How does it benefit the OP to say “oh no you didn’t go to far! I bet he’s a cheating bastard with a whole other family somewhere!!” or “it’s ok to have those feelings, it’s perfectly normal to feel however you feel”.  The real answer and the opinions are that yes, you did go bat shit crazy and you probably need medication.

 

Post # 12
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Franklin Plaza

@Rachel631:  I get what you’re saying exactly.  In theory it’s great, but as PP’s said many people wouldn’t be able to separate the hypothetical from the actual,etc.  Could be worth a try though, you never know.  

 

 

@lia22:  This. LOL.  

Post # 13
Member
3585 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@DJones69:  you said

The notion that someone would cut someone out of their lives because they didn’t show up at their wedding is ridiculous to me.


Good lord, yes. What are we, ten years old?

 

Post # 14
Member
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@subola:  RIGHT?!?!

Post # 16
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee

Having 3 married daughters who drafted me as their wedding coordinator I have been on wedding boards for years.  I learned boundaries, modern wedding trends like mixed gendered bridal parties standing on one side and mismatched dresses.  Love both of those trends.

What has amazed me in my short time here is the overwhelming support bridezillas get.  It is like djones69 said in post #3, “a lot of the posts on the bee are much more geared towards never telling a bride they’re wrong as to not hurt their feelings.”  I am stunned by how incredibly often this happens.

Dirty Delete #4 certainly gives us every indication that she will be announcing an engagement this year.  When that happens I’m telling her not to take ideas of advice here and to put her big girl panties on and head to the knot.  Are they blunt over there?  Incredibly.  Can they be rude sometimes?  Yup.  Do they EVER validate bad ideas from bridezillas?  Never.  She is a tough cookie and has a pretty good concept of proper wedding etiquette so I think she will be fine over there.

The overwhelming majority of etiquette advice here starts with “I think you should…..”.  That is not etiquette.  That is opinion and everyone jumps on board regardless of the fact that is isn’t proper etiquette.  And….on those threads, no one seems to want to hear the proper etiquette.

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