(Closed) Advice please :(

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What would you do?
    Leave it alone, you're just being sensitive. : (1 votes)
    3 %
    Find someone else to take her spot. : (17 votes)
    45 %
    Demote her to BM, she'll probably show up... : (20 votes)
    53 %
  • Post # 3
    12003 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @cml:  i’m always weird about suggesting someone be demoted but she’s definitely being a royal PITA.  I don’t really have any advice, but she doesn’t sound like Maid/Matron of Honor material.

    Post # 4
    621 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I would say, hey look I don’t want my wedding to be a burden on you, and I still want you to be in the party but feel like the role of Maid/Matron of Honor is too much on you…

    Post # 5
    3731 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014


    @cml:  Yeah, give her an easy out. Let her know your expectations and then give her a way to bow out gracefully.

    Post # 7
    77 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I’m sorry . . . but she wants YOU to pick her up from the airport  . . . as the BRIDE on YOUR wedding day?? That is absolutely ridiculous. A Maid/Matron of Honor is supposed to be there to make your life easier, not harder! If it were me I’d tell her, “It’s my wedding and these are the way things are going to be so that the day will go as smoothly as possible (the hair dresser, airport). If you can’t just step up and support me here I don’t know how you are going to stand up for me as a maid of honor.” Easier typed than said, I know. It doesn’t sound like she’s been supportive while planning either, especially after guilting you into making her Maid/Matron of Honor. What were her reasons she would make such a great MOH? Maybe bring that up to her and ask if that has truly been the case. If it were me, I wouldn’t even find someone to take her spot. Uneven sides are not a big deal at all.

    So sorry she is making things more difficult for you!!

    Post # 8
    2213 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @cml:  Whoa.  She’s being a brat.  She doesn’t really sound like she wants to be in your bridal part, much less Maid/Matron of Honor.

    I think you need to have a talk with her about her expectations, and provide an easy out during that conversation.

    No bride picks anyone up from the airport the day of their wedding; especially to the tune of a 4 hour round trip.  She needs to rent a damn car.  Also, she thought you’d pay for her dress/kids’ clothing/transportation?  Has she never been in a wedding?

    The being late for the dress appointment is disappointing, and it’s weird that she felt the right to be mad.  As for a shower, I would be very sad if I heard that response.  Perhaps your other girls or mom can pick up the ball on that one?

    The hair thing would be the last straw for me.

    Post # 9
    5273 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I normally am very against the whole “demote from MOH/BM” thing – but she is being very unreasonable in this case (particularly with the airport pick up and hair thing.)

    I would sit her down and talk to her about this, give her a chance to explain her side, and you explain yours. If you can’t come to a mutual agreement, then I would offer her a different role like a reading or something similar. She might be upset, but you said you were not that close anyway, so I would just move on and not let it stress you out.   

    Post # 11
    2363 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - B&B

    Maybe the other wedding left such a bad taste in her mouth that she doesn’t even REALIZE she’s being so inconsiderate for yours? I’m probably grabbing at straws I just feel bad you’re in this situation.

    I agree with PP’s, at this point you do have to put your foot down a little and say “this is what I can and cannot do” and then sort of leave it up to her if she stays Maid/Matron of Honor. I honestly cannot BELIEVE she thought you would drive FOUR hours on YOUR wedding day!!! I would be really tempted to reply “Oh sure I could pick you up! Oh, wait, I forgot, I need to get my hair and makeup done and in my dress because I’M THE DAMN BRIDE.” That sounded really “zilla-y” but seriously… when does she think you would be able to get ready around doing that for her?!

    Post # 12
    1532 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Shes the worst Maid/Matron of Honor ever.  Sorry you have to deal with this.  Do what the PP said!

    Post # 13
    2958 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

    I’d just refuse all of her bratty requests, and tell her you’re sorry, but if she isn’t happy she can step down.

    Post # 14
    6216 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

    I don’t think this woman even sounds like friend material. I don’t have time for people like that.

    Post # 15
    2213 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @cml:  Well, dang.  Maybe her experience was especially disenchanting.  Though, I suspect this behavior has been occurring for longer than the month or so since that other wedding.

    Post # 16
    1077 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club

    @LilRhodyGem:  +1

    Clearify your expectations:

    “1.  I have other things going on my wedding day and there is no way I’ll be able to pick you up. (period)

    2. Yes. I have to have a bridal shower.

    3. Plane tickets, dress, and your kids’ outfits are your responsiblity. (period)

    4. As the Maid/Matron of Honor, you should be at every event 10 mins early.

    5. Get your hair done by my girl, or pay for your own hair. (period!)”

    She is unreasonable.
    And people wonder why we can be such “bridzillas”
    You did this to us!

    Send he to the Knot where she can see all of her responsibilities 🙂


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