(Closed) advice, please?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Things won’t change if you get married.  Take a step back and enjoy your youth.  You should be able to go out with friends without him breathing down your neck.  It’s not normal.  I don’t want to stir the pot, but a lot of times extreme jealousy leads to domestic abuse.  I’d be careful with this dude.

Post # 4
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

Marriage is forever, if you’re not sure about it, don’t do it.

Post # 5
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

a few things about this:  you got engaged about 5 months into your relationship, and this could just be his true colors revealing themselves.  things WILL NOT change when you get married, if anything, they will get more intense then.  extreme jealousy is not normal or okay in a relationship – TRUST is.

i think asking for a break is an excellent move, and i would be honest with him about all of the reasons why.  good luck with everything.

Post # 6
Member
348 posts
Helper bee

This is not what a healthy relationship looks like.  It’s just not.  Maybe, if he’s willing to acknowledge the problem and work on it, it could become a healthy relationship someday.  But if he’s not willing to actually put in some work to make things better (by which I mean going to counselling together, etc, not just apologizing and making vague promises to be better in the future) you need to cut your losses now. 

Post # 7
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Run. You are 21. That is far too young to be tied down in a marriage to a person you’re unsure about. 

Post # 9
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Re-read your post. Nothing you told us points to you being in love with this guy – all your comments on him were negative. A broken engagement will be infinitely less traumatic than a divorce.

Post # 10
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

i’m with the others.  run.  quickly.

i know you don’t want to hear/believe it because i didn’t when i was 21, but you’re young.  really. 

Post # 12
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think good counseling is always a plus. My Darling Husband and I did premarital counseling with our Pastor and it was GREAT!

His jealousy is something to take as concern though. generally that in particular get worse after the i do’s and as sensitive as someone may be/seem it tends to come out violently at some point… if not physically, then verbally, emotionally, and mentally (which having experienced all these kinds of abuse I can say that mental & emotion are WAY worse than physical)

Unfortunately jealousy is not something that can be fixed from the outside (you or a counselor) but has to be totally recognized by himself and he has to want to treat you differently than that.. see you differently.. and know that it’s an issue IN him that’s the problem not the outside circumstance that aggravates it.

I would spend alot of time in prayer and praying for his heart to be restored from whatever it is that has caused that in him. And I would DEFINITELY re-consider marriage at this point b/c as long as he is in the condition he’s in he’s not in the right condition for marriage and it’s better to hold off, get prepared/go another direction than get married, abuse each other in your fighting, and then get divorced/live miserably.

 

Post # 13
Member
5787 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

It only gets harder not easier so if you’re fighting this much less than a year in it doesn’t bode well. It may hard to end it now but it will be much much worse if you get married/have kids. Leave now.

Post # 14
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@sunshine402: 

Relationship counseling is too much at 21. You are 21. You are supposed to be having FUN being young; that is just too much for a young relationship. He might make SOMEONE a great husband one day- I just don’t think it’s you.

We’re not meant to marry every person we date. They come around to teach us some lessons, teach us how to be better partners, and give us a better idea of what kind of relationship we want and what we DON’T want. Please don’t burden yourself with counseling and the stress of this relationship at such a young age. I’m grateful I dated every guy I did in my teens and college years but believe me, I’d be miserable if I were married to any of them right now. And there’s no way in hell I’d have given up years where I could do what I wanted with only myself to answer to by being in RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING. 

Post # 15
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

This isn’t true love. You are young, take your time, you will find it. There is no need to rush. When you find it you will know (and won’t have to ask other people online if they think it is right).

(Trust me- this is great advice- it is the same advice I didn’t take when I got engaged at 22- which only lead to a broken heart)

He may be a great guy- but that doesn’t mean he is the only graet guy out there, and it doesn’t mean he is the right guy for you.

Post # 16
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think you know in your heart that this is not the guy you should marry.  Now you just have to have the courage to do what is right for you.  Trust me – it will be SO much better once you’ve ripped the band-aid off, so to speak, rather than letting it drag out or god forbid marrying the wrong person.

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