(Closed) Advice please. Daughter told us yesterday she is getting married in 2 weeks!!!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

How will it cost them more if siblings to go to the ceremony? Generally speaking the ceremony doesnt cost much, its the reception that does. 

Post # 4
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@traceywhite1962:  I’ve heard about it being done before and it went fine with the girl I know. I totally understand where you are coming from and why you are upset, but it’s their choice. Try focusing on the fact that they are essentially sloping and felt that they couldn’t do so withoutthe honour of having you there.

Post # 5
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

It’s not up to you to police the relationship between your daughters. It’s also not up to you to decide what kind of wedding your daughter wants to have. That’s all on her. So I say, stop worrying, because it’s not about you – and you have nothing to do to with it except being an innocent bystander!

Post # 6
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

They shouldn’t have put you in this position – but it’s not your news to share.  It’s theirs.


Post # 7
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m sorry your going through this!

It really stinks to see a family split up and having secrecy, but at the end of the day I guess you have to respect the Bride and Grooms wishes! I know its not conventional, but for whatever reason that is what I assume they want?!

Post # 8
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think the surprise party is a fun idea and I don’t think you should be hard on yourself for keeping it a secret. I do on the other hand think that she should tell her sister but should maybe wait until the morning of so the secret doesn’t slip out. 🙂 Hope this helps

Post # 9
7693 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Boy, that is tough.  I would at least try to talk her into inviting her twin!!  Your idea sounds much better, as people may/ will most likely be hurt otherwise.  And as 

@Swizzle:  said, Generally speaking the ceremony doesnt cost much, its the reception that does.

Good luck!

Post # 10
3770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

I don’t think the ceremony is too outlandish to want just the parents there to witness.  However, I see where you are coming from in that your daughter’s twin sister will be hurt having not been told her twin got married.  Are they not close??  It seems crazy that siblings would not be told!  I think immediate family (parents, siblings) should be told at least, and keep it a surprise for the rest of the guests.  Try suggesting that to your daughter.  It could be she has her own reasons for keeping it such a secret/surprise though, and if she doesn’t budge, you should respect her wishes.

Post # 11
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I am in shock a bride wouldn’t tell her siblings, much less a twin sister, she was getting married. What a sticky position to be in….

Post # 12
5547 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

Yeah, if my sister had decided to get married and not tell me about it, or have me at it, there would be some serious damage to the relationship, like walking out of a “birthday party” that is a surprise wedding reception and not speaking for awhile damage. I get not wanting everyone in creation but siblings, and TWIN siblings should be told I think. And I would make sure you daughter is thinking about that. I cant imagine that any wedding they are planning in two weeks would have some sudden increase in price by having a couple more people standing there while they say their vows. 

ETA: I would also be even more pissed if my parents knew and didn’t tell me. I have a wonderful relationship with my family but a wedding shouldn’t be a secret. 

Post # 13
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think that this is the wedding that they want and they should get it. Surprise weddings are pretty common these days. As for not wanting her sister involved, yeah, that may be tough on the sister, but it’s a great way to cut down on people and make sure it’s fair.

Post # 14
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It’s not your call what your daughter does or doesn’t do, but I know I’d be very upset if one of my brothers got married and I didn’t know. See if she’ll tell her sister, at least. If it’s a money thing, maybe offer to help out so that both your daughters can be there.

Post # 15
5668 posts
Bee Keeper

If you’ve aready suggested she tell her sister there is not much else to do but sit back and be happy for her.

Post # 16
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Suggest that she have the ceremony at the “party” as well. The ceremony shouldn’t cost much, if anything. That could be a good compromise. Someone could just call everyone’s attention like they were going to have a toast and then have music start. Bride and Groom could walk over to the officiant. Short, sweet, and nobody important has missed anything

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