(Closed) Advice please? (Divorce)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

No idea. Set up a separate account for your bankng needs if you haven’t already!

Post # 4
Member
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Ugh…I have been divorced.  I don’t know what advice you’re looking for.. I can tell you that it’s normal to feel upset even if it was your choice to leave.  I left my ex, and we didn’t get divorced for years until he decided to get remarried just out of convenience for not having to deal with the mess (we already had worked out custody and separated everthing between us but didn’t send in the paperwork for the hassle and the money involved).  Even though I didn’t love him anymore and I was happy for him to be remarried it still felt a little like failure.  I didn’t ever want to be with him again, I didn’t love him, wasn’t in love with him, and couldn’t have been happier that it was over, but I still cried when I sent in the paperwork.  I’m not sure why, but I think it just feels like it’s final that it didn’t work and you ‘failed’ some how.  Weird, since I was happily in a new relationship and like I said, wanted nothing to do with the ex other than him being the father of my child.

 

Is there anything in particular you want advice about or is it something like I mentioned above that’s bothering you?

 

Post # 8
Member
4951 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Best wishes! I went through a divorce as well, and unfortunately, mine was pretty ugly. Just be sure to keep copies of important papers  such as mortgage, loans, bank statements, etc. And keep good records of anything. In the event it turns ugly, you want to maintain civility (as difficult as it might be) so that you don’t appear to be the one who is making things difficult (if you have to go in front of a judge).

Post # 10
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

As someone who went thru a HORRIFIC Divorce, my best advice would be to take a friend along… gives you another “pair of ears” to actually hear all the stuff that the Lawyer will say (appointment can go by really fast, and they cover a ton of stuff… some of it in legal lingo you won’t necessarily understand).  You really really need to be aware of what your obligations are…

My biggest piece of advice tho is to REMEMBER the Lawyer is not your friend, or even there to help you very much… (altho that is what we all assume)… they are there to “represent you” in court… BUT in the end, this is a business for them, so they are truly ALL ABOUT themselves… and making money.

Another good reason to bring someone along with you… so you don’t get sucked into believing anything different… and someone else who can say “that doesn’t sound right” if the Lawyer seems to have unrealistic expectations !!

Example, my Lawyer was very focussed on getting their money (ALL their money) always UP FRONT… this continually left me in a position where I was broke and on the brink of being homeless (My Ex was continually in default to me and the courts, altho he was the one who was supposed to be paying the bulk of the money owed to me… liquidating our house, investments etc… so altho I had money on paper, I had Little to NONE in reality).  I’ve since been told that my Lawyer was taking advantage of me… there should have been a clause that was tied to the fact that I’d pay SOME UP FRONT, and the balance whenever they did their job to ensure that the money was paid to me… as it was, there was no incentive for them to fight my case, as they were being paid 100% upfront all the time, BEFORE I ever saw a dime.

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 12
Member
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

If you don’t have assets together or children, it really shouldn’t be a big thing or take forever.  If there’s really nothing to decide and you just want to sign the paperwork, should be fairly simple.  For us it was, I didn’t even go deal with a lawyer because we had nothing to “work out” except not being married to each other.  I had the paperwork done, got it signed and notarized and sent it in.   It takes a while, depending on the courts.  I don’t know about where you are but here I found out the hard way that I used a city court that was wayyy backed up and if i’d only have driven 20 minutes it could have been over much sooner.  Good luck 🙂

Post # 14
Member
624 posts
Busy bee

Hi I am in the UK and have been through a divorce.  It was pretty hard going as my ex was not co-operative and fought me all the way and we had kids and a house to sort out!

It was SUCH a relief when it was over and it was definitely the most stressful time of my life.  You should just go for it and not wait for two years seperation – go for unreasonable behaviour it really doesn’t have to be any thing too dire.

Don’t worry about the solicitor but as PP said however lovely they are (and mine was) there are not there to be your friend.  I had to follow mine up and push sometimes to meet court deadlines.  

Now it is over I am so much happier and like you – happy to think about marriage again (to the right man this time).  It has been hard at times but you sound like you have support so you will be fine.

Wishing you loads of luck.

 

 

 

Post # 16
Member
624 posts
Busy bee

@Soon2BD-CBee:  

Don’t worry too much about costs – just keep on top of them – remember that everytime you phone or email your solicitor it costs you so don’t ask them anything you can’t find out elsewhere!!

It was such daunting process to set in motion and then to live through but now I have done it the relief is amazing.

If you need help just PM me xx

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