Advice please- family stuff

posted 2 months ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I don’t think you can just “speak out” and make a major decision like this on your own–there are other people involved here, and their perspectives weigh just as heavily as yours (if not more). 

The three of you need to sit down together to decide. Your reasons for not wanting her to work aren’t terrible, but she’s also an “adult” of some kind who needs to and should have money. You can always say that you guys won’t drive her and she’ll need to take the bus; I agree that that shouldn’t be your responsibility. If she wants a job, she can find a way to get there. 

Post # 3
Member
7864 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Yeah I agree with pp, I don’t think you can veto her getting a job. I do think you can talk with your husband and express your concerns for his health. If she wants a job she can make her own way there. 

Post # 4
Member
7333 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

He is the one who needs to say something, especially if he is in ahigh risk category. And transportation to whatever job she takes is her responsibility, not yours. Discuss this with your husband, not his daughter. 

Post # 5
Member
4180 posts
Honey bee

She is an adult living in your house for free. You can absolutely set rules during a pandemic. If she wants to work, then she can live elsewhere and take public transportation.

Post # 6
Member
346 posts
Helper bee

I really think you need to talk to your husband and explain your concerns to him, but he needs to take the lead on this one. I absolutely wouldn’t be driving her to a job so far away, so I think she needs to figure out transportation on her own, at the very least. 

Post # 7
Member
3770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I think the only things you get to decide are if you’ll provide transportation for her (you absolutely don’t have to) and if she’s allowed to continue living with you if she works there (again, totally your choice) but she’s an adult and is allowed to seek employment without getting permission / approval from her parents.

Post # 9
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

View original reply
@ready2020:  You said in your original post you weren’t happy with her working in a warehouse, a breeding ground for germs. Now you’re saying you have no problem with her taking initiative and getting a job?

 

Which is it?

Post # 11
Member
9539 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
@ready2020:  

I have to agree with pps, taking her to and from work – which means an hour and twenty minutes round trip twice a day is , l would have thought, out of the question given your own commitments. Why incidentally, would it be you that had to do it not your husband, her father?

l would hand it to him to deal with, but saying quite clearly you don’t have the three hours or so a day to enable it. No public transport? Too bad, she she should have thought of that, sorry. 

l get you are pleased with her initiative, but worry abt the job itself. And her simply assuming you’d be her driver is quite unacceptable. 

Post # 12
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

If you three sit down to discuss how she’s getting there (looks like she will HAVE to rely on you or your husband?), and he says that you or he will transport her, then she better damn well be paying you for gas. And the “labor” time? Maybe that will get her thinking twice. 

Post # 13
Member
1209 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

No one who lived in my house would be spending time in a warehouse unless the alternative–thoroughly discussed by all the adults–was starvation. There is a very ugly epidemic going on, and I’m not willing to have my family die for someone’s spending money. Every decision to leave the house is a serious question until there’s a vaccine.

Post # 14
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2021

She does not have the “right” to demand you take her to and from work every day. That’s not how being an adult works. Also, if she’s living in your house, she has to live by your rules. That might include requiring her to self-quarantine in her room anytime she’s not going out and using a seperate bathroom from your husband. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors