Post # 1
To keep this as short as possible I’m going to skip the backstory and just jump into now. My stepdaughter has been staying with us because her College campus closed because of Covid. She recently decided she wanted a job (our city is still closed). She applied to a warehouse didn’t tell us until an hour before she needed a ride to the interview. She was offered the job on the spot and accepted it. Again no discussion with us. I told my husband I’m not ok with this. Foremost he is In the high risk category because of some medical issues he has . A warehouse feels like a breeding ground for the virus to me there’s so many people in a closed environment. Secondly my stepdaughter doesn’t drive and this job is 40 minutes one way from our house. Am I wrong for speaking out and saying she didn’t take the job?
Post # 2
I don’t think you can just “speak out” and make a major decision like this on your own–there are other people involved here, and their perspectives weigh just as heavily as yours (if not more).
The three of you need to sit down together to decide. Your reasons for not wanting her to work aren’t terrible, but she’s also an “adult” of some kind who needs to and should have money. You can always say that you guys won’t drive her and she’ll need to take the bus; I agree that that shouldn’t be your responsibility. If she wants a job, she can find a way to get there.
Post # 3
Yeah I agree with pp, I don’t think you can veto her getting a job. I do think you can talk with your husband and express your concerns for his health. If she wants a job she can make her own way there.
Post # 4
He is the one who needs to say something, especially if he is in ahigh risk category. And transportation to whatever job she takes is her responsibility, not yours. Discuss this with your husband, not his daughter.
Post # 5
She is an adult living in your house for free. You can absolutely set rules during a pandemic. If she wants to work, then she can live elsewhere and take public transportation.
Post # 6
I really think you need to talk to your husband and explain your concerns to him, but he needs to take the lead on this one. I absolutely wouldn’t be driving her to a job so far away, so I think she needs to figure out transportation on her own, at the very least.
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
I think the only things you get to decide are if you’ll provide transportation for her (you absolutely don’t have to) and if she’s allowed to continue living with you if she works there (again, totally your choice) but she’s an adult and is allowed to seek employment without getting permission / approval from her parents.
Post # 8
absolutely she can get a job. I don’t have any issue with that. I’m even proud of her for taking the initiative. I am bothered by the fact that she didn’t consider that she can’t independently get to the job and just assumed I’d take her and pick her up. I also have a job and youger children at home I’m just working from home and our oldest is doing school online. Our little ones aren’t in school yet. There is no option for her to take public transportation to work. I have talked to my husband about this. He agrees that it’s not the best option but he doesn’t want to tell her about his health issues.
Post # 9
You said in your original post you weren’t happy with her working in a warehouse, a breeding ground for germs. Now you’re saying you have no problem with her taking initiative and getting a job?
Which is it?
Post # 10
there are lots of other options for jobs. Yes I’m proud of her taking the initiative and yes it worries me that it’s in a warehouse. Why would they need to be mutually exclusive?
Post # 11
I have to agree with pps, taking her to and from work – which means an hour and twenty minutes round trip twice a day is , l would have thought, out of the question given your own commitments. Why incidentally, would it be you that had to do it not your husband, her father?
l would hand it to him to deal with, but saying quite clearly you don’t have the three hours or so a day to enable it. No public transport? Too bad, she she should have thought of that, sorry.
l get you are pleased with her initiative, but worry abt the job itself. And her simply assuming you’d be her driver is quite unacceptable.
Post # 12
If you three sit down to discuss how she’s getting there (looks like she will HAVE to rely on you or your husband?), and he says that you or he will transport her, then she better damn well be paying you for gas. And the “labor” time? Maybe that will get her thinking twice.
Post # 13
No one who lived in my house would be spending time in a warehouse unless the alternative–thoroughly discussed by all the adults–was starvation. There is a very ugly epidemic going on, and I’m not willing to have my family die for someone’s spending money. Every decision to leave the house is a serious question until there’s a vaccine.
Post # 14
She does not have the “right” to demand you take her to and from work every day. That’s not how being an adult works. Also, if she’s living in your house, she has to live by your rules. That might include requiring her to self-quarantine in her room anytime she’s not going out and using a seperate bathroom from your husband.