Post # 1
My mom never had a wedding and I’m sort of the first person in the family to go through a wedding “ceremony”, so I’m at a loss as to how to conduct the tea ceremony. I’ve tried Google, but it seemed a little TOO traditional. My plan was to play door games and the hold the tea ceremony, but I’m not sure how it is conducted.
My parents are somewhat traditional, so they want to “do it right” (but have no idea what is actually right >_<). I have 5 uncles and aunts from my mom’s side, 2 from my dad’s side and 10+ older cousins who have kids that are older than I am.
In what order do we serve tea?
Who do I actually have to serve the tea to?
Once I’ve served my side of the family, I know I have to serve his side of the family. They live about 45 minutes away. How necessary is it that I drive to his family’s place? Can I do it all in one place?
Post # 3
Hi there! I searched “modern chinese tea ceremony” on Google and came up with… a weddingbee post!
Hope this helps:
Post # 4
@CakeyP: By the way, sorry if this isn’t a Chinese tea ceremony specifically, my Fiance is half Chinese and I got excited and jumped to conclusions 😛
STILL, I hope that thread helps!
I also found this thread, maybe it will help out further: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/tea-ceremony
Post # 5
@xakikox: The links provided by PP are good but I’ll give my input anyway.
You serve the groom’s family first. Both sides of the family should really be in one place out of convenience. If not, again, groom’s family first, not yours.
You serve tea to all the elders, in order of rank (this is determined by age). Your husband’s grandparents are served first, followed by parents, and then eldest uncle and wife, second uncle and wife, etc. Technically you don’t get to pick. I know for my extended family tea ceremony, my mom will probably be the one calling the shots lol.
Post # 6
I planned my upcoming tea ceremony based on info from these links and they provide fantastic information. Just be aware though that each province and even each region has its own variations on the tea ceremony too.
My mom did ask me to make some minor changes to my original plans because some elements were just not traditional to our particular region of China. Like the longan and sugar in the tea. Our tradition is plain tea so that’s what I will use.
And check with your elders about which element is more important to them. My own tea ceremony is not following the traditional format but that’s with lots of input and compromise with mom and the aunties.
Post # 7
this is how our family usually do it for weddings:
The groom and his entourage goes the bride’s house at the argreed upon time to “fetch the bride”. The younger brother of the bride, or male relative if the bride doesnt have a brother is supposed to open the car door for the groom. The groom in returns gives him a red envelope.
They arrive to the door only to get blocked by the bride’s entourage and bridesmaids, and are then forced to participate in “door games” and/or give them a hefty sum of money to get past, usually 10mins or so, but ive seen it go to 30mins long where the groom has to read a love poem or something silly like that.
Once inside the house, the father of the bride walks her out, same idea as western ceremony. You then serve tea to your parents, then grandparents and etc by rank.The bridal party then goes back to the grooms house to do the same with his parents and family. The bride’s side of the family stays behind and doesnt meet up until reception.
Traditionally, you go from bride’s house then to the groom’s house..and its usually never together in the same household–but nowadays due to different factors and whatnot i’ve heard ppl do it in the same house but it gets really crowded with two families!
It really depends on each of the families traditions and specific regions that they are from. You should check with both sides to make sure.
I actually just brought this up to Fiance the other day and found out that his family does it totally different (even though they’re chinese, their traditions are somewhat more Vietnamese). So now i’m scared that neither parents will back down and want to stick to their own tradition….hopefully they’ll agree on something!
Also, are you doing an engagement or “betrothal”? Thats a whole lot to plan too! >_<
Sorry for the long post. Hope this helps!
Post # 8
Thanks for the replies. The biggest thing about the tea ceremony, and I suppose I should have mentioned it earlier… is that my FI’s white. My mom is sort of one of those, “Should we do it if they’re not interested, but it’s traditional, we HAVE to do it…” type of people, so I was wondering more of how to incorporate his family into the traditons without my side of the family talking trash about it… (even though I know it shouldn’t bother me) :/