Advice Please, husbands ex is his coworker

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 76
Member
10456 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

lifeisbeeutiful :  

Wouldn’t be the first time.  Won’t be the last time.

Post # 78
Member
2485 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

mrscarvao :  Why have parts of your story changed when it comes to his unacceptable behavior? First you said he didn’t tell her about you,  now you’re saying he told her he had feelings for you.  You said she doesn’t know you’re his ex so explain that.  Then you said he talks to all of his coworkers on speaker except her. Now you’re saying you understand that their conversations have to be confidential because of the nature of his job. Buuuut wouldn’t that mean NONE of his phone calls could be on speaker then? And then you said she works in finance  what could she possibly need to talk to him about regarding his finances that he can’t have her on speaker phone for his wife to hear? I’m finding too many flaws in your story. Wondering why? Are you lying and backpedaling or just making excuses for him and forgetting what you said? 

Post # 79
Member
10456 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

mrscarvao :  

Sounds like a lopsided session to me.  That was the takeaway—that you have to give your husband the benefit of the doubt and he has ‘actively accomodated’ your needs, whatever that means.

 

Post # 82
Member
636 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Sooo is he cutting off any personal interaction with her? Changing jobs? Or, is he just going to ‘work on’ his feelings of being controlled till he’s ready to cut ties with her? 

Outside of this issue are y’all otherwise happy? Or have these weeks just been grinding by for you? Bee, you don’t sound happy 🙁

Post # 83
Member
300 posts
Helper bee

So I didn’t get “affair” vibes, more just like your hub sounds a little socially awkward, and knowing it’s a situation that’s necessary for him to an extent (co-workers) yet uncomfortable for you, he’s not exactly sure how to navigate it. He’s attempting to difuse it but ultimately he’s only escalating it. The bottom line is if you’re not comfortable then you’re not, and he should be doing whatever it takes to ensure that you do feel comofortable (within reason, of course). 

Post # 84
Member
284 posts
Helper bee

I think your husband knows exactly what he’s doing.  Some guys get off on the attention from feeling like women are at their beck and call or are waiting in line to be with them.  I had an ex like that, we dated for 5 years and I had to let him go because I didn’t want to spend my life explaining why his female friendships were inappropriate.  It got to the point where I stopped going to events with him because I didn’t want to deal with the drama.  Best decision I made was breaking it off.  My BFF and I joke that he probably still sits there and says “but I didn’t cheat on her though”.  

I know I couldn’t put up with THAT for a lifetime.  Hopefully counseling will help you, but I’ve found that some personality traits counseling just is not going to fix.  My currrent fiancé never makes me question, or wonder, and I’m never anxious.  He also has a female BFF that I am totally cool with because she is respectful of our relationship and because he has great boundaries.  Hopefully counseling will help you, but it requires a sincere desire for him to want to make your marriage work.

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