- 5 years ago
I just wanted to post because I dont have many close friends at the moment, I recently moved countries and I am in a difficult situation.
Everything was going great with my SO and I and we got engaged last year, he still hasnt told his family although we were planning the wedding for this summer.
I am going to try to make it as short as possible but the story has a few twists.
Basically when we met everything was going great, he warned me that his mother wasnt a very nice person but I didnt really think much of it. The first time I met
her it wasnt very eventfull other than the fact that apparently it was a big deal that I was allowed to come over and visit at his house, and that she didnt force us to
sleep in seperate rooms (he was almost 30 btw).
That year I wrote his mother a nice long heartfelt letter when he was going back home to visit her as to which her reponse was literally learn to speak my language.
Later on I was having some health issues and I was in constant pain, as his dad is a doctor we flew over to visit him, his father is a lovely understanding and kind
person. My SO spent years without speaking to him because his mother was always trying to turn him against him as they are separated.
As soon as I walked in the door all I got was a smirk and learn to speak my language, his brother and wife were also there.
His brother basically sits around and expects his wife to do all the cleaning, thinks feminists are all lesbians and still brings his dirty laundry to his mothers house on
the weekends even though he is 45. His brothers wife sucks up to the mother and plays the part of the perfect daughter in law. To make a long story short as I
hadnt slept, was in excrutiating pain, and was basically there for a quick weekend to get some tests done I wasnt particularly animated or happy.
Once we got back I had to hear that they all didnt like me because I didnt smile enough, and not only that but this was a constant issue. She would call my SO
everyday arguing about how much she hated me and his brother was in agreement that I had not been smiley enough and that I was basically a horrible person.
I was in my early 20’s struggling with a genetic disorder that caused me to be in alot of pain, at the time I didnt know if I was dying… I didnt know what was wrong
with me, I was scared and the doctors believed I might have rheumatoid arthritis. Instead of talking to me or being supportive or making a minimal effort they had
basically just ignored my presence! So yeah I wasnt smiling, I was trying to hold back tears!
I gave up my house, my job, and I moved countries because my SO had gotten a job offer that he was excited about. This all happened during the begining of my
health issues, and it was difficult or me to quickly find a job as I was just not physically able to work. My mother was supporting me
financially at this time and I always payed my part of the bills. His mother would call everyday and yell at him, and pressure him telling that I should have a job.
He would in turn freak out on me, on top of everything that was already happening! (his fault I know)
During that year I went through hell, they would fight constantly and she would spew horrible venom about me. One of the most hurtfull things being that she said I
shouldnt be allowed to have children as I could pass on the genetic disorder that I have… I found this out when he wanted to discuss it with me as he thought his
mother might be right (again him).
Just to wrap it up, they came to visit. On the first night we went to have dinner at a vegetarian restaurant, (we are vegeterian). She started screaming about how
vegetarian food is disgusting with insane amounts of anger and I just couldnt take it, I got up and walked away. He made me come back, when I got back I told her
that she should respect people, that her son brought her to this restaurant and that she shouldnt be so rude. I told her I wasnt going to take being disrepected and
that if she wanted to go somewhere else thats fine, but atleast dont be rude about it. She told me to shut up. No one defended me. I stayed
there didnt eat, payed for the dinner. Later on his mother said she didnt want him to walk her to where she was staying, because if he was with me she never
wanted to see him again. His brothers response to all of this is that his mother has to be respected above everything, and that he would talk about it with my SO
but not if I was present (he said this in front of me). The rest of the days they were here they basically refused to acknowledge my existance, his mother said
multiple times that he was an idiot for being with me in front of me, and just made rude and hurtfull comments continuously. On the last day they were here in my
house my SO’s brother asked him to go out for a drink with him, invited his wife as well and ignored the fact that I was standing there…inside of my
own home….My SO did nothing about this…again.
I am still extremely hurt, when we are trying to plan our wedding which is going to be very small and intimate I cant imagine these people there. My SO keeps
bringing them up everyday, I have no closure and I feel like he hasnt stood up for me the way he should have which makes me resent him. I am at my wits end I
am about to throw in the towel not just with the wedding, but also with the relationship…
any advice, opinions, thoughts would be great 🙂