(Closed) Advice please- my BF cancelled her wedding- what can I do to help!?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7908 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I’d offer to go spend some time with her or maybe go on a mini vacation together. Other than that, just be there whenever she needs you. Answer her calls or return them promptly and keep the judging to a minimum. Also, don’t bash the other party involved. Sympathize with her and all, but it really, really, really does not help to hear things like, “well, I never liked him anyway,” etc.

Post # 4
Member
1432 posts
Bumble bee

I was in this situation once. My friend took it like a champ. She was so so sure she did the right thing she felt free after the decision. But she did want to talk about it quite often so I just listened and reinforced her reasons. Also I think the day that she was supposed to get married was a hard one. Maybe take a vacay then with her.

Post # 5
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mrsSonthebeach: & @mrs.stormylove:  Ditto to that. And, OP, depending on how close you are, check in with her/her mom to see if there are any ‘tidy up’ things you can help do, like call others or address the cancellation letters, etc. Calling it off is hard enough, I’d imagine, let alone having to spread the word to family/friends/vendors/etc. Most of all, just be there but after you offer to help and be open to talking about it, let her bring it up when she wants to.

Heck, maybe even set up a ‘skype date’ with her- send her a package with a DVD, some popcorn shaker flavors, and a new set of cozy pjs and have a skype girls night where you watch the same movie together and chat about the movie, etc. Since you’re a few hours away, it’d be one way to get in some girl time 🙂

Post # 6
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I had a friend cancel her wedding a MONTH prior….and it was a DW so everyone lost money.  Plus her parents were out $10k in deposits.  I just let her talk as much as she wanted and she did.  She also needed to get her stuff from her ex so I helped her “plan” how long she needed there (she had to fly), what were the most important things to get, the nearest post office and their hours and when she’d need to be back at the airport. 

I BEGGED her to only pick up the stuff.  Unfortunately, she met with him, they decided to remain friendly by going to dinner and drinking (he got drunk), and then when they were done and went back to get her stuff, he called the cops on her.  She had left her PURSE in his apt. so she couldn’t leave….cops showed up, told her she had 10 minutes to get her stuff and get out.  She wound up getting hardly anything and it was a wasted (expensive) trip.  So then she really needed me…..I just tried to be there for her as much as possible. 

 

Post # 7
Member
679 posts
Busy bee

I’ve been in your best friend’s position as the one who called off the wedding. Here are the things I’d suggest doing:

  • Listen to her talk. As much as she wants. Whatever she wants to talk about. Just listen.
  • Be supportive in her decision without going overboard. For example, if she asks if she made the right decision, say something like, “Of course you did, you followed your instincts.” Don’t go overboard by delving too deeply into the reasons that YOU think she made the right decision, since only her opinion matters at this point. And like a PP said, never bash her ex-FI. That could backfire at some point.
  • Ask her if she needs help tidying up loose ends. Does she need you to call guests, call vendors, return things, pick things up?
  • Don’t initiate any conversation about the wedding, or lack thereof. Let her start any conversations about it, because there will be times when the last thing she wants to do is talk about it.
  • Don’t pity her. 
  • If you’re far away, send her a care package. Gossip magazines, junk food, wine, gift certificate for mani/pedi, her favorite movies, etc.
  • Arrange something fun to do on the day that would have been her wedding day. 

 

Post # 9
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Thats awesome! shes lucky to have a friend like you 🙂

Post # 10
Member
9956 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@cmath610:  That is a good idea… right out of Sex And The City (first movie), when Big & Carrie didn’t get married.  Your GF will want to lean on you guys, and hopefully you guys can keep her mind on it being a Girlfriends Weekend instead of the “date on the calendar”

 

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