Advice please, recent miscarriage and not feeling ready

posted 3 years ago in Babies
Post # 2
Member
7439 posts
Busy Beekeeper

First off, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I think the way you’re feeling is perfectly natural…your grief is still so raw and the thought of going through a pregnancy again so soon after your loss must just seem impossible right now. I really wouldn’t beat yourself up for feeling this way; just accept it and take it one day at a time. I imagine a day will come, maybe in a few weeks, maybe in a few months – or maybe even longer – when you’ll feel ready to try again, but until then, you absolutely don’t have to, and I’m so glad that your husband is being supportive of your feelings.

FWIW, I think it’s probably unlikely you would have already ovulated so soon after an 11-week miscarriage, so the plan B probably worked. But you never know. 

Big hugs bee! I hope you get your rainbow baby as soon as you’re ready to start trying again. You should join the TTC after miscarriage board if you haven’t already – that board was like a life support for me after I miscarried a few months ago. It’s one of the most supportive communities on the bee.

Post # 3
Hostess
1707 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Bee, I am so sorry. I had a late miscarriage too. I was devastated.  I don’t remember how soon after we started having sex again, but the first time we tried, we both ended up sobbing and we didn’t try again for a while. 

I had mixed feelings about “trying again.”  I was relieved when my dr said we should wait because she wanted to monitor an ovarian cyst. We were finally allowed to try for pregnancy about 4 months after our loss. By then, I was ready  

One thing that really helped me was finding a therapist who specialized in grief. I suffer from seasonal affective disorder so I always get winter blues and losing the baby at the end of November pushed me into full on depression. Talking with her was a huge help for me as I dealt with my broken heart. 

Much love to you, bee!  Take your time and be gentle with yourself. 

Post # 5
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee

I had a multiple loss history, and we actually stopped TTC for almost a year because I was unable to bear the thought of another loss.

At that point, we changed doctors and I had two successful births.

I don’t think you should feel the need to examine your current thoughts too closely. The loss of a wanted pregnancy is, by my experience, always difficult and hard to process, and I sorely wish that I could have spoken to a trained professional when we were recovering from our last loss.

Best wishes and sincere hopes and thoughts for your future.

Post # 6
Hostess
1707 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

View original reply
globalmargaret :  I’m glad you were able to talk to your husband about your feelings and he was so supportive. You sound like a strong couple. 

💚

Post # 7
Member
1250 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
globalmargaret :  honestly, I have had lots of miscarriages and my successful baby (now 7) happened right after a miscarriage at 12 weeks. I got pregnant about 8 weeks after the miscarriage. I don’t regret it although my doctor was a little upset I didn’t give my body time to heal

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