Post # 1
Member
1841 posts
Buzzing bee
logically I know I need time to heal, but emotions take over and emotions are not logical.
Too Much Information alert. sorry
I had a miscarriage at 11 week. it was 2 weeks ago. DH and I talked about trying again at the end of summer as the timing would make sense more for my job. We had unprotected sex last night and I was completely fine with it but this morning when I woke up the panic started to set it and I stopped at the pharmacy on the way to work and got a plan B. Now I feel like a horrible person becuase I was super excited to be pregnant a month ago, my husband has said that he wants to start trying as soon as possible (obviously after last night) but was very supportive of my decision to wait until I felt more ready emotionally.
From my understanding the plan b only works if it prevents you from ovulating, so if I have already ovulated its a lost cause anyway, and this soon after a miscarriage I have no chart so to speak of to know either way. Logically I will of course welcome a pregnancy if it happens but emotionally I woulnd’t have picked up a plan B if I was excited about it right?
too much to process, sorry for the rant.
Post # 2
Member
7439 posts
Busy Beekeeper
First off, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I think the way you’re feeling is perfectly natural…your grief is still so raw and the thought of going through a pregnancy again so soon after your loss must just seem impossible right now. I really wouldn’t beat yourself up for feeling this way; just accept it and take it one day at a time. I imagine a day will come, maybe in a few weeks, maybe in a few months – or maybe even longer – when you’ll feel ready to try again, but until then, you absolutely don’t have to, and I’m so glad that your husband is being supportive of your feelings.
FWIW, I think it’s probably unlikely you would have already ovulated so soon after an 11-week miscarriage, so the plan B probably worked. But you never know.
Big hugs bee! I hope you get your rainbow baby as soon as you’re ready to start trying again. You should join the TTC after miscarriage board if you haven’t already – that board was like a life support for me after I miscarried a few months ago. It’s one of the most supportive communities on the bee.
Post # 3
Hostess
1707 posts
Bumble bee
Bee, I am so sorry. I had a late miscarriage too. I was devastated. I don’t remember how soon after we started having sex again, but the first time we tried, we both ended up sobbing and we didn’t try again for a while.
I had mixed feelings about “trying again.” I was relieved when my dr said we should wait because she wanted to monitor an ovarian cyst. We were finally allowed to try for pregnancy about 4 months after our loss. By then, I was ready
One thing that really helped me was finding a therapist who specialized in grief. I suffer from seasonal affective disorder so I always get winter blues and losing the baby at the end of November pushed me into full on depression. Talking with her was a huge help for me as I dealt with my broken heart.
Much love to you, bee! Take your time and be gentle with yourself.
Post # 4
Member
1841 posts
Buzzing bee
tiffanybruiser : Thank you so much, I will check out that board for sure. Im so glad there are so many non judgemental bees on this board to talk to. I knew if I called my mom she would have just said she wants grand kids and to suck it up.
lindsayE : I have been contemplating therapy for a while now for other issues and my midwife with the miscarried pregnancy actually recomended I see someone before birth anyways, so maybe you are right, this seems like a good time to actuallly reach out and find someone.
I did talk to my husband yesterday and told him about the pannic attack and the plan b and not feeling ready, he basicly told me that while he obviously wants another baby he doesn’t want to jeopardize my mental health for it so we are going to take a few weeks and reassess down the road in july or august to see if my feelings have changed.
thank you bees for being so supportive
Post # 5
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
I had a multiple loss history, and we actually stopped TTC for almost a year because I was unable to bear the thought of another loss.
At that point, we changed doctors and I had two successful births.
I don’t think you should feel the need to examine your current thoughts too closely. The loss of a wanted pregnancy is, by my experience, always difficult and hard to process, and I sorely wish that I could have spoken to a trained professional when we were recovering from our last loss.
Best wishes and sincere hopes and thoughts for your future.
Post # 6
Hostess
1707 posts
Bumble bee
globalmargaret : I’m glad you were able to talk to your husband about your feelings and he was so supportive. You sound like a strong couple.
💚
Post # 7
Member
1250 posts
Bumble bee
globalmargaret : honestly, I have had lots of miscarriages and my successful baby (now 7) happened right after a miscarriage at 12 weeks. I got pregnant about 8 weeks after the miscarriage. I don’t regret it although my doctor was a little upset I didn’t give my body time to heal