- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
I will apologize in advance long post but I want to make sure you bees have the details. This situation involves one of my best friends, my brother and my matron of honor (MOH is also my sister in law.) My friend/bridesmaid J and I have known each other since grade school. We hung out with different crowds in high school but we were always friendly with each other. We went away to college and reconnected when I came back to town after graduation.
The reason we reconnected was through my brother. He was sleeping with J. It is important to mention that my brother was dating his wife at the time this was happening. (My brother and his wife have been together for 14 years, married for 4. They were high school sweethearts.) My brother cheated on my SIL a lot when they were dating. She never knew about his cheating or chose to look the other way. My brother was always honest with me about his cheating and I felt it wasn’t my place to tell SIL (his then girlfriend.) I feel bad about that but my loyalty was to my brother. To be honest, I didn’t really like my sister in law until a year or two before they were married. And when my brother is mad at you, he can make your life miserable. So I didn’t want to tell her and have my brother mad at me. But I digress…
So anyway, my brother is dating his future wife, cheating on her with one of my high school classmates and I happened to be invited to hang out with them. This was not strange to me because I had hung out with my brother and his other “lady friends” before. My friend J and I really reconnected, shared the stories of what we had been doing since high school and we realized that we had the same views on life and enjoyed the same things. She and I started hanging out regularly and became best friends and confidants. She and my brother quit sleeping together after only a couple encounters. Because 1, my friend J realized he’d never leave is long time girlfriend and 2, that was his M.O.
That was 6 years ago. J and I have been BFF since. She has always been there for me. Never let me down. Supported me through bad decisions. And I have done the same for her. We love each other unconditionally like sisters. It was logical I ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my wedding next October. My brother’s wife is my Maid/Matron of Honor. My SIL does not know that J slept with my brother. My SIL doesn’t care for J but they have learned to tolerate each other for my sake. My brother and J remain platonic friends.
My brother also saw another girl, W, behind his now wife’s back before they were married. W remains friends with him and they still hang out sometimes. He SWEARS up and down he has not cheated on my SIL since he has been married. Many people try to explain to my brother that when you are married, you cannot continue a relationship with a past flame that involves the two of you hanging out in private. It does not look good and can lead to speculation about what is really going on. He refuses to stop talking to her even though it breaks my SIL’s heart, and angers my family.
W is married to N (currently getting divorced.) 2 years ago her husband also became angry about all the time that my brother and W were spending together. He was angered to the point that he confronted my brother about it. That ended in a fight and my brother had to have surgery on his broken nose and orbital bone. My brother tried to press charges on N, but the county prosecutor said it was self defense. (Even though N was not injured…a whole story in itself.) N also had the reputation for physically abusing his wife. My brother and mom both said that they saw W with bruising and black eyes.
Here is the crazy Jerry Springer triangle twist (as if the rest isn’t bad enough. I swear we aren’t white trash!) My BFF J is now dating N!! J swears he isn’t a “wife beater,” and that he is the nicest guy she has ever been with. J asked me to give him a chance, and even though I knew my brother would be furious, I hung out with J and N one night. N was a total gentleman and I can tell he and J are very much in love. He denies hitting his soon to be ex wife. I still believe he hit W. I pray that he will never touch J. My brother never did find out that I had hung out with J and N. But he knows they are dating.
My brother does not want J in my wedding party because she is dating N. I have already assured my brother that if J and N are still together when my wedding rolls around, N will NOT be allowed to come. J understands this and was accepting of it, although hurt. My brother is a groomsman. His wife is my Maid/Matron of Honor. This crazy triangle of my brother’s past infidelities is affecting my day! But family is family and I love my brother and SIL and I was raised that you’re loyalty is to your family. I hate drama and I DO NOT want it on my wedding day. Especially other people’s drama. I would be devastated if my brother and SIL were not at the wedding. I would be sad if J was not there.
J has always been a loyal friend. She has never done me wrong. Do I ask her to not be a bridesmaid because of my brother and SIL’s wishes? When I asked J to be in the wedding back in July, she was not with N and none of this was an issue. I don’t know if her relationship with N will continue until next October. At this point is appears it will. My whole goal is to avoid drama on my wedding day. I would be forever scarred if some Jerry Springer type action happened at any of my wedding related events because of the brother, J, N, W, SIL situation. What do I do?