(Closed) Advice Please! Should I keep her as a BM?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I keep J as a bridesmaid?
    Yes : (18 votes)
    100 %
    No : (0 votes)
    Only if she quits dating N. : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5093 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I would elope and leave them ALL far, far behind.  :-

    Post # 4
    Member
    341 posts
    Helper bee

    There could be a good chance that J and N won’t be together by the time your wedding rolls around. Also, keep in mind, it is YOUR wedding and not your brother’s and his past infidelities do not need to haunt you, too. Granted that is easier said than done but you should still consider that. I don’t think you should kick J out because of who she’s dating regardless of the history there, it’s her choice to see who she wants and altho this is one big mess, it has nothing to do with her being in your wedding party.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1145 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    @AJA1128: I’d keep her. I wouldn’t care what my brother thought, even if he wasn’t a cheater.

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    40 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    yikes. i second what the first poster said, and vote with elope and just get the hell out of that mess! but seriously.. that’s a tough one.

    i’m going to be very blunt, and i hope i don’t offend you too much. i have a younger brother- and i love him beyond words, no matter how many stupid things he does. i always see him through rose colored glasses because he is the sweetest, kindest brother i could ask for- but MAN, does he make some bad decisions, haha. 

    Anyway.. J sounds like a complete moron for dating N, and i really hope that N isn’t abusive, or that she gets out of that relationship ASAP because it just sounds dangerous. your brother sounds like a selfish, immature child who likes to have his cake and eat it too- i just don’t understand how you can regularly cheat on someone, and then marry them. i know you have no control over what your brother does, who he cheats on or who he’s friends with, but i feel AWFUL for your poor SIL who probably knows a lot more than you think, and is going to be unwittingly standing beside one of her husbands former mistresses.

    i agree that N should NOT be allowed at the wedding.. and i get that family is family and they come first and yadda yadda.. but don’t get too caught up in trying to make your brother happy. he doesn’t seem like the most rational or selfless person in the first place given the way he has acted in the past. to me it seems like everything is about self gratification with him.

    J has done YOU no wrong though, and i think it would be unfair to her to cut her just because your brother is having a tantrum.

    to make a long story short- tell them to grow the $%@# up, and suck it the #$%@# up, and put on a smile for your special day because it is NOT. ABOUT. THEM.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1317 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    It’s your wedding, and not your brothers! He needs to suck it up and realize he can’t control you! If anything, he should feel bad about his past and how it’s affecting your wedding day!!! I think it’s enough that your BFF is OK with not bringing her new bf, but to ask her to not be your Bridesmaid or Best Man just because the guy she’s dating is a guy that your brother had a fight with for probably messing around with his wife?!! 

    If you pull her out of the wedding for that, she has the right to re-evaluate her friendship with you! Didn’t you say she’s been there for you no matter what? Even if you think her bf is crappy, you’d only do it to please your brother. 

    It’s your wedding, it’s your call but if you’re only pressured to take her out because you’re afraid of your brother, than maybe it’s time you have a talk with him.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1284 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I would keep her as well. If they are all good “friends” then they will leave the drama behind. It’s your day. On a side note… what does your Fiance think?

    Post # 10
    Member
    66 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    OMG. I am so sorry you have to deal with this! WOW. WOW. Wow. I dont know where to start! Now why is your SIL your MOH? are you two THAT close now? You said you didnt like her until a year or two before they got married, but didnt mention you became best friends… also how many others are in your wedding party? eeek this is a lot of drama! I would almost say dont have a wedding party to avoid who is an isnt in your party but then you can still invite her, and its understandable to ask her not to bring him to the wedding…But this seems dumb… so just have who YOU want. sorry but wow your brother has created a mess for you and you shouldnt have to worry about it! ! GOOD LUCK

    Post # 11
    Member
    1317 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    edit … posted on the wrong thread?!

    The topic ‘Advice Please! Should I keep her as a BM?’ is closed to new replies.

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