Post # 1
Good morning ladies! I met “The One”. I never, ever thought that would come out of my mouth. I married at 18 for religious reasons and family pressure. Had a baby almost immediately. Marriage was a disaster. We did love each other but we were young, broke parents. I turned my teenage marriage and motherhood into a success story by earning a college degree and eventually a masters degree. I divorced him and raise my child mostly on my own.
I mistakenly jumped into a serious relationship which resulted in an engagement. I had the giant diamond ring, handsome, affluent fiancé but he was a major Dbag. I ended that after a total of 3 years. I never lived with him because of my religion.
Now I am with the amazing man. Its only been 4 months and it’s crazy how right everything feels. He sincerely tries to build a bond with mY child. He says he knows and feels I’m his soulmate. He asked me to move in already! His reasoning is why wait when it feels right. While I agree, I’m afraid it won’t give him an incentive to propose.
Its already unbelievable it’s only been a short time. I don’t know what to do. It’s like,well I already did things the politically correct way 2 times and both times it ended badly. Please help has anyone been through a similar experience? Thanks in advance
Post # 3
Did you go with your gut instinct on the first two situations??
Post # 4
@NJstateofmind: Are you really only worried about doing the “politically correct” thing or are your personal values/beliefs against moving in before marriage? I think that’s the important thing here.
If it’s only abiding by society’s standards, moving in shouldn’t be a problem. If you feel that it’s against your personal values, you should stand up for yourself and your new guy should respect your boundaries. And if you’re worried about the length of time – I don’t think there is a “right time” to do such things. If you feel comfortable with it, go ahead.
Post # 5
I think no, when you have a child you cannot just move in with someone after four months. From the way you desribe your prior relationships I think its best you move slowly and not get carried away, and try to inject some objectivity and reason into the equation rather then just love and gut feeling.
Post # 6
I cohabitate with my Fiance, and we lived together for a chunk of when we were dating, too. Part of it was a logistics problem – with our schedules, we wouldn’t have seen eachother otherwise.
For me, the sticky part here is actually the presence of a third person. I don’t mean to sound judgy, especially since I don’t have kids.. but if I had a child full time, I would feel more strongly about the commitment (at least a ring and wedding plans) before moving the living situation. It doesn’t matter if it happens in 4 months or 4 years, that’s your business how you feel and how the relationship is going..
That is, if you want to work toward marriage. If you don’t feel that marriage is required (I do have a friend who’s lived with her partner for years and had children with him, they just don’t feel marriage is important, which is totally fine), then I would at least have a very serious domestic partnership talk.
Post # 7
Sorry but, you don’t exactly have the best track record. I’m sure that you believe that “you know better now,” but statistically, your chances aren’t very good. Moving in so soon will only complicate things, and cloud your current “love euphoria” even more, making it even *more* difficult for you to properly discern if this is a good relationship. I would strongly encourage you to read a book like “How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk.” (and if your response to that suggestion is, “of course he’s not a jerk! How dare you suggest that!” Then I challenge you further… ok, read the book if you believe you have nothing to fear…)
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
With a child, no I wouldn’t advise this.
Post # 9
Hi. When I was married, I think I did. We were together for 9 yrs. we definitely grew up and grew apart. The second guy, I was looking for financial stability because I struggled so much with the ex husband and paying for college. He basically swept me off my feet and said all the ‘right things’. I’ve only been in 3 relationships so my dating knowledge is limited.
Post # 10
Hi there. I like your point about kids and marriage. I probably wouldn’t be asking my question if I were child-less.
Post # 11
I will def check it out thx!
Post # 12
Is there a reason why you would be moving in with him? I think for your child it would be less of a big change if he moved in with you. I would also wait a little longer, if it feels right it will feel right later too.