(Closed) Advice Please: Thank-you note to someone I didn't invite

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
159 posts
Blushing bee

She still sent you gifts, so it’s nice to send a quick thank you. No need for anything special if you don’t want to remain in contact.

Post # 4
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

It was a nice gesture on her part. I’d say something like “we appreciate your gift of X and are touched that you thought of us. Hope to see you at the next CityName get-together”

Post # 5
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Dear Sarah, 

Thank you so much for your thoughtful gift of the serving platter! I can’t wait to use it when John and I host guests. I hope you are doing well and enjoying your summer.




Incidentally, a very similar thing happened to me. I received a small gift off my registry from a coworker who I didn’t invite to my wedding. He got married a few years ago and didn’t invite me so I don’t feel particularly bad about not inviting him. I did think it was really nice of him to send a gift though and I will be sending him a thank you note for it.

Post # 6
4904 posts
Honey bee

Thank you for contributing to our marriage sounds super awkward.  Just thank her like you would anyone for any occasion.

Dear so-and-so,

Thank you so much for the X and for thinking of FH and me.  That was so thoughtful of you.  I hope you are doing well and we get a chance to catch up some time.

Post # 7
14187 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
jorjabee :  I do think the note is a bit distant and impersonal. Note or no note, and it’s always possible that one was sent but lost, she spent money and made the effort to send you something.

I’d thank her for the gifts, and tell her how thoughtful it was and how much you appreciate her wishes on this happy occasion.

I’m not sure I’d focus on the “when you have guests” part because that just kind of emphasizes your lost connection. It’s possible that she really does want to reestablish a relationship with you but doesn’t know how to reach out. 

Post # 8
9384 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

definitely send a thank you note.  The thank you is for the gift, always, and has nothing to do with attending (or even being invited) to the wedding.

I think PP’s have some good suggestions on wording so I’ll leave it at that.

Post # 9
3350 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
jorjabee :  dear so and so,

thank you so much for the (insert gift). We look forward to using it (inserting when/where/how you’ll use it). It was so sweet to think of us. Hope all is well with you. Thanks again. 



Post # 10
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Dear X,

Wow, thank you so much, we were so pleasantly surprised to get the beautiful X that you sent us! We will use it whenever we have guests, and think of you. Seeing a gift from you brought back such wonderful memories of great times [at X school / doing X] with you. It was so sweet of you to think of us, and we really appreciate it! Hope everything is going great for you, and looking forward to catching up at the next hometown function in X.

All the best, X and X

(Don’t feel some type of way about not inviting her, it’s no big deal. People have various sizes of weddings. Just thank her normally!)

Post # 11
1239 posts
Bumble bee

Your note sounds super generic and like a forced appreciation. Doesn’t sound genuine at all and I’d be super turned off to receive such a note. Definitely check out PP’s suggestions!!! 

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