Post # 1
So I have a really close knit group of friends from college. We have been friends for almost 10 years, and I really value their friendships and their opinions. Two of them were BMs in my wedding last year and were of course wonderful. However, during the planning of my bachelorette party last year, they didn’t get along with another Bridesmaid or Best Man (not in the college group), because she didn’t agree with their ideas on what to do for my bachelorette party. The college friends later told me that she was the only one causing an issue during the whole planning and thought that she was being selfish. I decided not to get involved in this situation, because I wasn’t really involved in planning my bachelorette party except for picking the location.
I did have some issues with the Bridesmaid or Best Man who my college friends said was causing an issue during the time I was engaged, but a year has passed and we have both moved on from everything and are still friends. What’s irritating though, is that whenever I get together with my college friends, they always somehow bring up the Bridesmaid or Best Man, and how they don’t like her, and how ridiculous her behavior was at the bachelorette party that was a year ago. I am definitely not defending the BM’s past behavior, and I know my college friends are just looking out for me, but honestly I have moved on from what happened at my bachelorette party, and am happily married, but it seems that my friends haven’t moved on from this. How do I nicely let them know that I’m no longer interested in discussing the other Bridesmaid or Best Man anymore?
Post # 3
I would tell them what you wrote in your last two sentences (minus your friends haven’t move on part). The past is the past and let’s move forward 🙂
Post # 4
Clear communication is always best. Just tell them that you do not want to discuus the issue- the past is past , and you would appreciate it if they would move on.
Post # 5
Just nip it in the bud the next time they bring it up. “Can we talk about something else? I know she’s not your favorite, but she’s my friend” should do it.
Post # 6
@lovejewel: I think this is a good idea.
@Cremebrulee41: I’ve been a Bridesmaid or Best Man 4 times and there is always a time after the wedding when you sit down with other people involved and kind of rant about stuff that occurred. I know that, in particular, there was one time where another Bridesmaid or Best Man was SO frustrating that my friend and I will still sometimes make a joke about it…however, we never do that infront of the bride/friend. It wasn’t her problem and she has other issues with that particular person.
They probably think that you still want to decompress about the situation and participate in their rant session. Just let them know you’re not into that and that should stop them.
Post # 8
Thanks everyone for your advice! Since I wasn’t comfortable waiting until the next time I saw my college friends and really wanted to talk to them about this, I actually ended up emailing them. I asked them to please not bring up the subject of the other Bridesmaid or Best Man anymore, because I have moved on from the past and would like to put this behind us. They were really supportive, and apologized for talking about her and agreed to respect my wishes and not bring her up again.