(Closed) Advice regarding future MIL's white dress

posted 4 years ago in Dress
Post # 31
180 posts
Blushing bee

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BrookeeAn:  If it’s really about the dress rather than the color for your Future Mother-In-Law, she could look into having it professionally dyed.  There are a bunch of reputable places that offer that service, and she would still get to have the dress she loves.

Post # 32
4037 posts
Honey bee

My Mother-In-Law had hers made by a dressmaker. She has always been extremely pear-shaped, so always wore separates. She chose a floral patterned fabric, that reminded me of my grandmothers curtains – from the 1950s. Luckily she wasn’t in many photos, because she stuck out, like a sore thumb. She also didn’t smile in any of them. Ha Ha! I took it as an omen for the future …

I just ignored it. I’m sure others thought her dress was a hideous as I did.

Post # 33
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I think you’ve taken a good approach to this situation.  People will definitely be talking about her choice of color.  When my parents got married thirty years ago,  my mom’s stepmom showed up in a white dress.  Even though my parents have since divorced,  both sides of my family still talk about it to this day.  My mom does not speak to her father and can’t stand her stepmother,  so there was some additional drama involved,  but it seems like you and Future Mother-In-Law get along,  so hopefully this is something you can get past. 

Post # 34
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

If she loves the dress, maybe a good compromise would be getting your fiance to ask her to purchase a different cardigan in coordinating wedding colors under the guise that “it will look really great in pictures”?

Post # 35
13233 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Well, if everyone is talking about Future Mother-In-Law and her dress, the truth is that they are just as rude. Etiquette is about behaving a certain way out of consideration for others, not bashing or correcting people who do things differently when it doesn’t affect you. 

Post # 36
1455 posts
Bumble bee

Could you pay to have it professionally dyed for her? I’m in staunch disagreement with everyone else, I think you should talk to her about it *because* she’ll make herself look like an ass. You clearly love her, so I imagine you probably don’t want people judging her all night. I definitely would judge (sorry not sorry, guests have literally millions of other colors they can wear for one night). I’d want to spare her any embarrassment

Post # 37
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Let her wear it and make sure someone spills a glass of red wine on it.  If your mother in law to be thought of you as a daughter that much she wouldnt be doing this.  Ask a friend or invite me to your wedding I am happy to drop the red wine on her xx

Post # 38
7509 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Honestly I think it’s time that society moves past this ridiculous “no one wears white except the bride” nonsense. The grand truth is, no one cares what anyone wears to a wedding, so long as they have everything covered that ought to be covered.  No one will remember in a week what dress Future Mother-In-Law was wearing, and in 3 months half the guests won’t even remember what they themselves were wearing. It’s a dress. It’s not a statement on the lady’s relationship with her future daughter-in-law.  It’s not a sign of respect or disrespect.  It’s just clothes.  It doesn’t have to be a big deal unless you make it one.

And anyone who would really spill red wine on someone wearing a white dress at a wedding, that’s the equivalent of a little kid kicking sand on another little kid’s lolly. So I’m just gonna give y’all the benefit of the doubt and assume you’re joking. 

Post # 39
1270 posts
Bumble bee

Easy, just sent out a note to your guests that everyone can wear white.

Suddenly Future Mother-In-Law isn’t the center of attention anymore! 

Post # 40
100 posts
Blushing bee

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BrookeeAn:  I dont know your relationship with her but its just plain rude. Everyone knows that you shouldnt wear white to a wedding unless the bride tells you it is ok. 

I went to a wedding where the grooms mother wore an ivory dress reminicant of a prom dress, it was all anyone could talk about. 

Maybe she is doing it to test you. If she is willing to do this at your wedding after her son reminded her that the bride is usally the only one in white, I can only imagine the challenges she will give you in the future. 

I would say something because for me personally I would be extremly insulted. 

Post # 41
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I would let her wear what she wants… like PPs have said, most guests will notice it, and realize how tacky it is, and thats all. You could never be outshone at your own wedding – all eyes will be on you and your groom anyways. The wedding is only 1 day, but your mother in law is forever; no sense in getting feelings hurt 🙂

Post # 42
1594 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

View original reply
BrookeeAn:  I’d just let it go, to be honest. It’s unnecessary stress for you, especially since you don’t sound like your super bothered by her wearing it, and in the end, SHE’S going to look silly to the other guests for wearing all white – not you. 

And I highly doubt anyone will mistake her for the bride.


Post # 43
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
BrookeeAn:  sometimes mils with the best intentions have the weirdest ideas!!! 

My mil is the sweetest lady and I adore her. She’s a very wise lady in my eyes. And yet, when I told her about my reception dress that I never wore (it’s knee length but white and lace and definitely bridal) she actually told me to wear it to my cousins wedding 😮 I was like….no?!? But she swore up and down it wod be appropriate and no big deal. 

I obviously didn’t because.. Well I didn’t want to be that girl. Some people just have weird ideas about these things! 

I wouldn’t say anything if it was me. Everyone will know who the bride is 😉 

Post # 44
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - St. John\'s Lutheran Church

I think you’re handling it the right way. It’s ridiculous that she couldn’t find a single other dress she liked that isn’t white, but it sounds like she’s actually not doing it JUST to piss you off. If she’s otherwise a sweet and supportive person, she probably just doesn’t understand why this would bother anyone, and it’s not worth causing a scene over.

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