(Closed) Advice to keep my engagement-thoughts under control?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
7560 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I think coming on here is definitely making it worse. The more you think about weddings, the more you will think about weddings. Also, the SO needs to cut it out. He may think he’s being nice by hinting about the wedding, but it sounds like it’s fueling your obsession. You two should sit down and think of a time frame that works out for both of you, then agree that neither of you will talk/think about wedding stuff until you’re engaged. 

Post # 4
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

So… I have a five year timeline for engagement and the wedding bee actually makes me feel better about it because I love reading stories about how all the ladies are getting their proposals. That being said, I’ve been addicted to the show “say yes to the dress” since before I started dating and I never even considered marriage to be something I wanted before a year and half with SO. I know my proposal is a long ways off and I’m pretty ok with that for the moment. When I was not ok with it is when my dear SO would make comments like, “My mom says I should just hurry up and marry you.” Or “I told Ay that I found the woman I want to marry.” But made no indication of actually planning to marry me. So I told him to act on it or shut up. Now the only marriage talk I hear from him is his input on dresses while I watch my show every Friday. Its much better for maintaining my sanity.

I tried to fight the whole “engagement fever” thing too. I’ve half way through my undergrad degree taking 18 credit hours a semester and doing an average of 50 hours of homework a week outside of class. I’m so busy and I can still find time to day dream. I’m not ready to get married (I plan to walk at graduation before walking down the aisle.) but I can’t help but hope SO will decide he wants the same level of commitment I do and get down on one knee sooner rather than years from now. My favorite fantasy is actually of him proposing at the annual party we originally met at. Still I know I can’t expect anything of him that I don’t tell him I have expectations of… And I’m unwilling to tell him that I expect a proposal of any kind.

As for parents… they never go away. Just smile and tell them you’ve got things under control.

Post # 5
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

You REALLY need to have a talk with SO. As sweet as his comments may seem, given how you feel, it’s not fair for him to talk about marriage so much when he has not offcially proposed. Saying “I think we’ll definitely be married in the next 2 years” does not really count, and it’s making you act/feel as if you were really engaged. I don’t blame you. lol.

Also, I have nothing against getting legally married first (hubFI and I did that) but I would be very careful about it if it involves immigration papers, etc. Please don’t take it the wrong way, I just know at least 2 people that did this and have stories with awful endings. Be very wise, that’s all.


Post # 6
1013 posts
Bumble bee

1. Keep busy.  I have found the last few months i’ve been able to mostly keep a stable head on my shoulders by having alot on the go.  I set up dates once a week out of the house with my own friends, i have a million projects around the house, and i’ve been eating better and working out.  The less time you have to sit and ponder, the BETTER! There is something called Mr. Bees Plan on here, search for it, it works and is actually very helpful. I’ve been on it for 2 months and have been much happier with waiting. Some days its hard, but thats ok, you bounce back

2. Just remember he will choose to do it when he thinks its the right time.  There could be a million events coming up, and he might decide to do it on a random night you would never think of.  So try to enjoy every event for what it is, instead of putting pressure on it.

3.  The bee has straightened me out.  I had a couple months where i was insane and depressed that the engagement wasnt happening.  But i feel better i’m not the only girl in the world waiting for her SO to get it together lol. I try to stay to the not wedding related boards though. 

4.  Your parents probably suspect its coming soon based on the length of time you’ve been dating.  My mom and sister always bring up my wedding to me.  And i have to correct them with “i’m not engaged yet can we wait to discuss this?”.  Seriously, my sister already asked to make me jewellery and what kind would i like with my dress blah blah.  Well i dont have a dres…so i cant answer that lol. They are just as excited as you are.  Leave it at that.

Post # 7
1013 posts
Bumble bee

@LuluInLove:  And i actually agree with asking your SO to stop “fake” proposing.  He might think its cute, but if my so did it to me i would think he was being kind of cruel.  tell him until he proposes you would liket o keep the wedding talk on hold.

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