Preach it sista!!! I will see your bad proposal and raise you..
I was also engaged before. It was a total “shut up ring.” I pushed and pushed and pushed, knowing full well he didn’t want to get married. I saw an email he wrote to someone saying “she really wants to get married. I guess I owe it to her, she’s done her time.” Shockingly, that didn’t dissaude me although it DID hurt. I was so blinded by the idea of getting engaged and having a wedding, I didn’t think about the MARRIAGE that would have to follow. I wanted that ring, dammit. I went as far as going to the jewlrey store, picking out the ring I wanted and giving him the jewelry stores card with the ring code on it.
MY shut up ring was given to me on my birthday in December. I was expecting it, but he tried to trick me by giving me a watch, instead. I tried very hard to hide my dissapointment, probably failing. He took me to dinner and at the end asked how my birthday was. I said it was great. He rolled his eyes, practically THREW a ringbox at me and mumbled “maybe this will make it better.” He never actually asked me to marry him. It was horrifying. He later told me when he got the ring earlier that day, the girl at the counter asked if it was an engagement ring. When he said yes she told him “gee, don’t get TOO excited now!” You’d think that would’ve been enough to get me to call the whole thing off. It wasn’t.
We never actually made any wedding plans. We were both in our last year of law school and I began studying for the bar that summer. We broke up the week after I took the bar exam. Point being, I couldn’t see past the ring. It’s easy for a guy to walk into the store and pay for a ring to shut you up. It’s a whole lot harder to actually plan a wedding and take that final step. Just because you get the ring doesn’t mean you’re actually going to live happily ever after, something I think a lot of women forget. If he can’t even manage to cough up a “shut up ring”? Sorry ladies, marriage aint ever going to happen.
My boyfriend now is the polar opposite of my ex. We began talking about marriage a few months in to our relationship. We moved in together at 5 months. He is genuinely as excited to get married as I am (still waiting on the ring, which he’s saving for.) I know he’s saving because he talks about buying other stuff (camera lenses, a car) but when it gets close to making those purchases, he backs out, saying he’s got “other plans for his funds.” I have no doubt that he very badly wants a future with me and is doing everything in his power to make that happen. I don’t NEED to push him because it’s what HE wants, too.
If your man wants to marry you, he will. If he’s on excuse #456, he doesn’t want to marry you. If he’s asking you to do X,Y,Z before he’ll propose, he doesn’t want to marry you. If he says he wants to make sure the stars are aligned and his finances are perfect and his life is absolutley perfect before he’ll propose, he doesn’t want to marry you.
If he doesn’t want to marry you, why do you want to marry him?