(Closed) Advice you would give to a newly engaged bride.

posted 4 years ago in Traditions
Post # 16
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’ll give you some advice for the day of.

Don’t get caught up in the small details.  At the end of the day, no one will remember your centerpieces except for you.  They’ll remember how much fun they had.  Try to spend time with each person that is there, because they took time out of their day to be there for you.  

Post # 17
Member
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

People are going to be annoyed with you, no matter what you do. Accept it.  Some people will be annoyed they, or their friends, are not invited.  Your 17YO cousin may be demanding her Boyfriend or Best Friend come.  Your aunt may be upset her kid is not a flower girl.  You need to say NO early and often.  Do NOT give excuses, becuase the whiners will try to “solve” it.  Just say, very sorry, we have made our decision.  Make certain Fiance understand this and is 100% on board with you.

It took extra time, but my cousin did her RSVPs with names written in.  Not we have reserved X seats, but:

Mr John Smith        Will Attend        Regrets           choice of entry

Mrs. J Smith            Will Attend       Regrets

 

It took her more time, but, In My Humble Opinion, well worth it. 

If people ask, my husband cannot make it, can I bring someone else?  the answer is NO. YOU and your fiance are paying, and guests do not make up guest list.

 

Strongly agree, avoid Save-The-Date Cards, except for intl guests.  Write a nice letter to grandparents,and your parents know the date. 

Make certain both mothers understand all your decisions.  If you are paying, do NOT tell them to give you a list of guests.  Tell them, they are allocated X guests.  Or tell them, we are inviting all aunts and uncles, all cousins (if you are, this is optional) and you can have X guests.  Make certain they understand that if someone is married or engaged, that the count means 2 per couple.  Make certain they understand whether or not you are giving them plus ones.  Tell them THEY are responsible for giving you name, address of guest AND if guest does not RSVP, THEY have to follow up on non-responders. 

Contracts — once you sign a contract, you lose all leverage.  Reveiw carefully.  Ask if tips included?  Valet tips? Bartender tips? Is parking including.  Make certain you understand when deposits are due.  Sometimes the place that seems more expense is not, if you can use their linens and do not have to decorate. 

 

 

Post # 18
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Country Club

Don’t ask your bridal party until both of you decide how many bridesmaids and groomsmen you want to have, and make sure you both agree on who you ask.

Post # 19
Member
1936 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’m still engaged… wedding is in 6 months!

1. I agree with an above poster about the bridal party: don’t pick it too early… Too many things can change.

2. It’s OK to be a high maintence bride the same way it’s OK to be a low key one. Reflect on who you are so you can prepare to manage your feelings and especially your expectations. 

3. It’s ok to cut some traditions or things that don’t make sense to you.

4. Save as much as possible. Putting things on credit is stressful

Post # 20
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

Engagement photos are tacky and are a waste of money. 

Post # 21
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Remember that the most important thing about your wedding is getting married. Stay focused on your Fiance and the life that you are starting together. 

Post # 22
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Enjoy the time being engaged – you’ll only be engaged once! Hopefully

Save money! Anywhere you can cause it all adds up – keep in mind how much your willing to spend on your big day. Is it really worth it spending $2000 on a dress you’ll never wear again? Or would you rather have some of that money go towards your honeymoon or something else?

Speak up! Everyone has an opinion and will share it with you whether or not you want to hear it – so speak up for yourself! And your fiancé too!

When you do start planning I made it a goal to at least book one thing a month – for example first month we booked church and venue, next month goal was to book photo and video, next month goal was to book DJ etc etc…give yourself a couple of things a month if you have a shorter timeline. This helps focus on one thing at a time and your not trying to book so many different things at once

theres a lot of things I could say but in the end go with your gut and heart – it will be stressful but worth it! 

Post # 23
Member
324 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Aus_Bee:  This is the most helpful thing I have heard so far–we have been trying to keep this in mind and sometimes it is hard, but so necessary!!

Post # 24
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2016

1. Learn to be comfortable with dissapointing people and being dissapointed yourself.  

2. Weddings bring out the best AND worst of the people in your life, so be prepared for dealing with your more difficult relatives. And surround yourself with the people who already support and encourage you.

3. Don’t feel guilty about your choices. Unless you’re leaving your Fiance out of decisions (don’t do that!), nobody has a right to having YOUR wedding THEIR way. Unless they want to give you money.

4.On that subject, be wary of who you take money from on this.  FMIL offered us photography and rehearsal cash but now guilted us into adding 16 kids to a guest list that was only about 40 adults.

5. Tell yourself your ‘budget’ is 70-80% of your actual budget so you have money for tipping people, feeding those jerks who dont RSVP but show up anyway, etc. etc.

Post # 25
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

mimigirl7:  –DO NOT cave and let other people manipulate you and dictate how your wedding should be run.

-Don’t bring anyone to pick out a dress with you. That is solely your style, your choice, and yours alone. It’s your wedding dress, your day. They don’t get to have an opinion. Not even your Fiance, Sister, Mother, Cousin, Best Friend, nobody!

-If you need help with your wedding, and have the means, please do hire a wedding planner. They will actually listen to what you want and try to make it happen. As opposed to shoving their own ideas upon you like family members are known to do.

-If you don’t want kids at your wedding, that’s totally your prerogative.

-If you don’t want jeans worn at your reception, that is your prerogative as well. 

No one has the right to make you feel bad or guilty about what you want and how you want things to be at your wedding. Make that known and put your foot down.

Post # 26
Member
1450 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - St. John\'s Lutheran Church

Stay the heck off Pinterest.

Seriously. I mean it. It will ruin you. You’ll be like, “Oh, I’m just gonna go look at a few hairstyles!” And then you will start getting a huge complex about how your wedding is going to suck compared to all these photos of fake weddings that were put together by stylists and have a million superfluous cheesy elements.

Pinterest is a trap. Get thee away from me, Satan.

Post # 27
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

The biggest thing I wish I had known is that a lot of people will ask pushy, nosy, or uncomfortably inappropriate questions about your choices. Those are the people who you should not talk to about your wedding! Also don’t let anyone tell you that your and your FI’s vision for your wedding day is wrong!

Post # 29
Member
370 posts
Helper bee
  • Don’t invite people to engagment parties, showers, etc. unless they’re also invited to the wedding.  It’s telling people they’re good enough to buy you things but not good enough for you to pay for them to attend your wedding.
  • If you’re cutting close friends and relatives from your guest list because your dream venue is too small, get another venue.  People are more important than places.  It’s one thing to have a small guest list because of finances; quite another because of your “vision.”  You’ll remember the fun you had with the people you love far longer than the surroundings.
  • Don’t do a “honeyfund.”  If people gift you money, use it for your honeymoon or whatever else you want.  The cutesy name is ridiculous plus the companies take a percentage.
  • Don’t put things like registry information or “adult reception only” on the invitation.  The first is gift-grabby and the second is rude.  You don’t tell people they’re not invited, even if they’re children.
  • Skip the “cute poems” asking for money!!!!  That will guarantee I buy a gift and it’ll probably be something not returnable.  It’s a gift, not something I owe you.
  • You get one wedding.  If you’re already married and going through the motions later (fancy dress, bridal party, first dance, showers, registry, etc.) for show, don’t lie to your guests about it.  They’ll be pi$$ed big time.  Doesn’t matter why.  Spur of the moment elopement? Deployment? Insurance reasons?  Surprise pregnancy?  Just didn’t want to wait?  Whatever the reason, either postpone the wedding or change your vision.

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