(Closed) Advice/opinions please–would you date a good friend's brother?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2333 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Personally, I would’ve talked to my friend about my crush before I went and banged her brother. Now you’ve got yourself in a really awkward position.

Only you know if it’s worth it or not and which relationship you value more. Lots of people find love this way, but be very aware it will probably affect your friendship.

Post # 3
Member
2341 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

If it was all out lust and we were both single, I probably couldn’t resist. I’d keep my hands off him in her presence though as I can see it might be icky for her. 

Only do it if you are sure you can keep your relatiionship with her completely seperate. No bleating or fishing during insecure or bad patches. No moaning about what a twat he is, even if he proves to be one. 

Post # 4
Member
1869 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I would have talked to her first as well but in saying that if you are both consenting adults she doesn’t really have a right to tell you two not to date each other.

i would be completely open and honest with her and tell her how you feel and I’m sure she’ll give it her blessing. Nothing youve written here tells me she has a good enough reason not to 🙂 

My SIL is my best friend so I actually think you should go for it haha. 

 

Post # 5
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

confusedbee2016:  OK, I came here to say nope, but you’ve already slept together so the awkward cat is out of the awkward bag.

 

I disagree with her that it’s too soon after your breakup to date, because if you initiated it you were thinking about it for a long time and likely came to have peace with the decision even before officially breaking it off. I agree with her though that it can strain your friendship. However, the only thing I could see doing this is if he does something to screw you over. I would ask if she has a basis for these concerns. If she knows her brother can be manipulative or a bit of a player that’s good information to have. If it’s unfounded though, I think I would ask again for her blessing and let her know that you will do your best to not let it impact your friendship and ask that she tell you if she is uncomfortable at any point.

Post # 6
Member
302 posts
Helper bee

I’d say go for it. 

My husband was engaged three months prior to meeting me. His ex left him in Feb. and we started dating in May. 3.5 years later we are happily married. 

I was single for 1 week after having been in a 5 year relationship. 

Post # 7
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Oof what an awkward situation. I wonder if anything like this has ever happened with your friend and her brother before. It’s tricky since you haven’t known her for that long and you haven’t been single for very long, so all of S’s concerns are valid. I really don’t have any advice for you, sorry. I guess if I were in your shoes, I’d try to take things slow(er) with J, maybe talk to him about his sister’s concerns and let her know how you feel about her brother. And really try to not let it affect your friendship or rub anything w/her brother in her face since it makes her uncomfortable. 

How long til her wedding?

Post # 8
Member
302 posts
Helper bee

Everyone is ready in their own time, some need more time to be single, some dont. 

Post # 9
Member
6603 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

It may be too soon, but that doesn’t mean it won’t work out and it doesn’t mean if it doesn’t work out you’re going to dump your friend as well.  It’s not as if you have to hang out with her family as well as her.  Plus you’ve already done the deed, there’s really nothing more you can do to make this awkward.  End it now and her brother is still that guy you slept with and then left for no real reason.  He’s a big boy and she’s a big girl, as are you.  She can suck it up.  I would just avoid doing anything she perceives as rubbing in her face at the moment.  No need to make out with him in her living room or something.  No need to screw him in a closet at her wedding   Keep it tasteful and she’ll get used to the idea.

Post # 10
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

confusedbee2016:  im just gunna throw this out here- my now husband, is my friends brother! From the second I met him i was SO attracted to him & I think she could tell I liked him. there was something different about the way we felt together. Well long story short she hated me for awhile because of it but she realized we were getting serious and got over it. she was a bridesmaid in our wedding & we are pretty close & I tried/try very hard to keep our friendship seperate from our relationship. take this situation with caution, but Im gunna have to say..go for it. 🙂 but i may be biased. 🙂 

Post # 11
Member
2110 posts
Buzzing bee

If your friendship with S is solid, if things don’t work out with J it doesn’t mean things with S have to change.

It sounds like you have real chemistry with J – that doesn’t come around often. I’d pursue things with J, cautiously.

 

Post # 12
Member
1151 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Isn’t this a pretty standard way that people meet their SOs?

Explain to her that you really like him and promise things won’t be awkward between you and her if things don’t work out, and go for it.  

Post # 13
Member
83 posts
Worker bee

This is the exact reason why I never liked my friends dating my brother….. it never worked out. Either my brother screwed them over or they screwed him over. In the end we stopped being friends it just gets way too awkward. I’d say this happened with about 5 friends. Yes, my brother tried banging every friend I had. Thankfully, some didn’t give in & those are the friends that I still have around.

Post # 14
Member
342 posts
Helper bee

My best friend dated my brother and the relationship ended very badly, but what happened between the two of them never affected our friendship. I would have been very upset if something like that had affected my friendship with her.

My advice to anyone who would date their friend’s brother is to realize that the relationship may not work out and, whatever happens, don’t take it out on your friend. It is your choice whether you are going to attempt to date her bother; what may or may not happen in that romantic relationship is between the two of you, and does not reflect on her as a friend. They are two different people, even though they are siblings. And those are two different relationships, even if one of them does not work out.

I also wouldn’t ask your friend for advice regarding arguments too often–that would get irksome pretty quickly. And obviously keep any salacious details to yourself.

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