Post # 1
Since I have meet Fi, I have known he wanted to move back to Texas where his dad and friends live.
Lately, he has been pushy about moving to TX ASAP. I asked him relistically when he wanted to move and he said Fall or about October. Relistically, I’m thinking Spring like April.
I love my Fi and I would and want to move with him but we have a ton going on in the state we are currently in, Iowa.
The wedding is in Iowa, my job, daughter’s daycare, and my whole family. I have no one in TX, so if Fi and I have problems, I have no where to go.
In my head it will be cost effective to wait til after the wedding. I also would prefer having a job, getting a house before we move, and having the $$ to move without asking for help. I don’t know where to start.
I’ve been so afraid lately, that I will wake up one morning and he will be gone. I don’t know what to do. :’-(
Post # 3
I hope you don’t really think he would just up and leave you – if you do, maybe you should be rethinking the wedding thing? WHile I assume you have already said all this to him, that is really my only suggestion. It does seem impractical to just up and leave. I don’t get why you would move, then travel back to IA to get married. He could just be getting nervous? Or maybe he is worried about work or something? Have you thought about making it long distance until after the wedding when you are able to move out there?
Post # 4
He is worried about money and finances and feels he will find a better job. His dad also REALLY wants him done there (has seen him for 3 years). Fi is also used to the military lifestyle and gets antsy in one place for too long.
I agree is doesn’t seem practical to do planning for TX and all.
I no he wouldn’t leave in the middle of the night (he doesn’t have a car to leave in), its just a fear and happened in a dream one night and can’t get it out of my head.
Fi wants to go down get established and then I follow but I would feel safer if I had a job first and everything set up for our daughter.
I feel like I’m being selfish for not going ASAP but we have a lot of stuff going on and a majority of his family is in Iowa. I don’t see the point in moving for just 2 people when you have 25 currently wehre you live….
Post # 5
Is there anyway that you can plan a trip to Texas before the wedding to "scope things out?" Then he can see his dad (at least for a little while) and to see what kind of jobs, houses, etc. are available. I would also suggest having a heart to heart to see both of your hopes and dreams individually and as a family to make sure you are on the same page before moving all the way across the country!
Post # 6
Before you even decide WHEN you need to decide IF you will move. Just because he wants to is not enough of a reason – you are a family and should make decisions together.
I think Miss Bean’s suggestion is great. Also consider talking to a friend or family about it so you can get someone’s opinion who knows you guys better. You are NOT being selfish at all.
Also, you do seem pretty insecure about the relationship – not having a car is the reason you feel that he won’t leave you? I know you have a kid together but are you sure about getting married?
Post # 7
Marriage is pretty much about teamwork and compromise – at least successful marriages are. That doesn’t mean that either one of you just give in to what the other wants, but that you need to be able to agree on what is the best thing for all of you (you, him, and your daughter).
If there are serious job issues that certainly factors into the decision – but if he doesn’t have even the promise of a job there, it would seem like you’re in a better situation now, as long as he is working. If he’s not working, then maybe the best thing is for HIM to go to Texas, while you and your daughter stay where you’re comfortable. He could reasonably camp out at his dad’s house while he looks for a job, and you could join him once he has found a job and a good place to live and things are a little more stable for your daughter.
People do that all the time – even where I work, if one spouse gets transferred to another location, it’s common for the other to stay in the house with the kids for the remainder of the school year or semester, or until the relocating spouse finds a house to buy and gets settled in their new job. No sense uprooting everybody – and that’s in the case where the relocating spouse already has a job! I can’t see how all of you going down there when neither of you have a job there is good for anybody, but honestly I’m not in your situation.
And honey, it doesn’t matter how antsy he is – unless you really want a life where you pick up and move every time he feels that way, he needs to get over it. And while I can totally sympathize with your dream (I have crazy dreams too – and just because they are dreams doesn’t mean they aren’t upsetting) if he would pick up and leave, he’s not worth being upset over. I say if he’s that antsy, he can buy a bus ticket and go – and let you know when he’s found work. And if he doesn’t, or doesn’t find "something better," then you haven’t uprooted yourself and your daughter for nothing.