(Closed) Advise after breakup….

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MissIndependent123:  Hi! I hear it takes 1/2 the time people were together to completely get over someone =(. I’ve been thru something similar, but of course not exactly. I was with the person for 2 years. Highest highs and lowest lows of my life (highs being the smallest sweetest things he does to lows where he txted others girls etc etc). First off, you are still young and believe me you WILL find someone better and yes you DESERVE it. 

you see the cons in him but of course bc you miss him so much it may not matter right now. but can you imagaine if you married this guy or have children with him? how will he take care of you or the kids? you been with this guy for 3 years so he obviously have some good qualities in him. I truly believe there will always be people who will have a place in ur heart and nothing will ever to replace that.

Its natural to miss him bc for 3 years of your life he was there with you. I have moved on with my previous trelationship and am now engaged to a wonderful man. Did i ever think I would find a guy like my fiance when the last person broke up with me? Nope. But it happened! My fiance treats me so much better and is just a better person BUT i believe what you shouldn’t do is compare people side by side bc everyone is so different. The last person I dated notices the littlest things about me it’s amazing. He noticed when I move one ring from one finger to the next finger (same hand). He notices when I wear a shirt he’s never seen before. He has this things with little kids where he just clicks with them. That’s important to me bc I’m an aunt of 8 nephews and 1 niece. They all LOVED him. My fiance isn’t as detailed oriented as him but I focus on the positives of my fiance. Every now and then I’ll think of the last person I dated but I would never want to get back with him. Stay STRONG!

Post # 4
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MissIndependent123:  It really does get better.  You’re going to wake up one day and realize that you are better off on your own and that you’re now open to the possibility of meeting a better man.  *hugs* 

The relationships where things were hovering on that fine line of being ok and not ok is hard to get over.   Relationships like that makes it hard to get over because it wasn’t anything big, glaring red flags.   Yes, you guys got along well but there were things that you couldn’t deal with and that is a legit deal-breaker. 

The ex-bf before my DH was a very nice guy.  He had flaws (couldn’t handle money; completely unmotivated to do more with himself; and, was rather selfish) but because we got along so well and that these things seemed like they weren’t so bad.  After a few years, I realized that I couldn’t hold his hand anymore.  He needs to step-up and take care of things like an adult.

DH is nothing like my ex which I find absolutely refreshing.  There is no doubt in my mind that DH puts me and our relationship first. 

You’ll find someone who completes you, I promise.

Post # 6
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MissIndependent123:  Very, VERY few people in this world are lucky enough to find their soul mate in their very first relationship, but my mother was actually one of those lucky select few.  Growing up, I always thought it would be the same way for me because I thought this was the norm, so imagine my surprise when I caught my first boyfriend cheating on me with multiple women.  My second boyfriend was a nice guy and we loved each other, but we weren’t IN love with each other and he was never there for me when I needed him.  My third boyfriend I was completely in love with and I was convinced that he was my soul mate, but he left me for another woman.  My fourth boyfriend was another nice guy but way too emotional and we argued constantly.  My fifth boyfriend also cheated on me.  I tried a relationship with a woman and she also cheated on me.  My sixth boyfriend I also loved with all of my heart, I thought for SURE that we were soul mates, he had given me a promise ring promising to love me and never leave me, but his father abused me, he actually defended his father, and then he claimed he never really loved me in the first place.  My seventh boyfriend was a real charmer at first but turned out to be emotionally and verbally abusive, oh and cheating on me with his so-called roommate.

My eighth (and hopefully LAST) boyfriend was my husband, and he is honestly the most wonderful man I’ve ever met, not just the most wonderful man I’ve ever been with, and he truly is my soul mate, but look at how many times I had to get my heart broken before I finally found him!  I won’t lie to you, I honestly thought that I couldn’t live without boyfriends #2 and 6 either, and I was so sure that they were “the One” that it was extremely difficult to accept the fact that they weren’t.  By the time I met my husband, I really didn’t even believe in love anymore, I just thought it was good luck if you found a man decent enough to marry, and I thought that the whole notion of a soul mate was nothing but romantic nonsense after having found what I thought were soul mates TWICE already before only to be proven DEAD wrong about them both.  I didn’t feel like I could trust myself anymore, let alone trust anyone else, but my husband was the first partner in my life who EARNED my trust.  I was dating my husband at a VERY low point in my life–I was only with him for three months when I had to put my beloved dog to sleep after having her seventeen years and it was honestly the WORST thing I ever went through.  That little dog had constantly been by my side through all those other heartbreaks and so much more.  Of course, I didn’t expect my husband (then just my new boyfriend) to actually stick around and deal with me while I went through the hardest loss in my life… after all, no other partner in my life had ever shown me that kind of devotion so I certainly didn’t expect it from this new boyfriend either… but he told me that he wasn’t going anywhere and to my surprise, he actually MEANT it.  The following months were pure HELL for me, but my husband did stay with me and took care of me.  He turned out to be somebody who I could trust and depend on, but just as importantly, the connection I have with him is stronger and deeper than I ever had with anyone else–we constantly read each other’s minds, we truly know and understand each other, we have lots in common, we get along very well, he NEVER mistreats me, and we’re the best thing in each other’s life.

My mother has often thrown it up to me about how he’s not my first love, and I just reply that she wouldn’t understand anything about a broken heart never having had one herself and that not everyone is lucky enough to marry the first man they ever date (and they’re certainly not usually lucky enough to actually have it work out).  He’s not my first love, but I do hope that he’ll be the LAST.  When it really boils down to it, why does it matter so much about who was FIRST aside from our fairytale notions about love and romance?  Some of us actually have to experience heartbreak and loss before we finally hook up with the right person, and you know what?  That’s OKAY!  My heart was broken so many times and so badly that I’m surprised to still have one anymore after all this time, but all these things happened for a reason and I met my husband when I finally became the person he would fall in love with.  My mother just doesn’t realize how EXTREMELY lucky she is and how rare what she has with my father is, because look at what would have happened to me if I had married my first boyfriend, my second, my third, my fourth, my fifth, my sixth, or even my seventh.  They’re not all bad people, but they just weren’t right for me and I guess I wasn’t right for THEM either.  Besides that, I also learned valuable lessons in each of my relationships, but the most important lesson of all is how rare and special my husband really is and how I need to continue to appreciate him.  Every day, especially after reading some of the horror stories here on WeddingBee, I’m reminded of just how lucky I am.

As for you, you WILL find the right man when the time comes, and when you do, the relationship you have with that man will far surpass any other relationship you’ve had, including the ex you’re writing about here.  Sure, you’ll always have some feelings for your ex(es) as most of us on WeddingBee seem to, but that honestly only matters as much as you’ll let it.  When you eventually decide to get married, you will have to decide that the past is OVER, and when you do, just remember that it’s NOT a BAD thing at all!

Post # 7
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@MissIndependent123:  Your ex-bf may be a good guy but not a good bf for you.  You just need to keep reminding yourself of that. 

I should have mentioned that the ex-bf before the one I mentioned was gawdawful.  I was actually engaged to that one.  I was young and naive to think that I needed to “settle down” and some how felt it should be with him.  He was jobless, played video games all the time and was a stoner.  <- Seriously?!  I thought he would mature and grow-up.

You’re young!  Be wild and have fun!  Smile


Post # 8
42 posts
  • Wedding: June 2012

First of all I want to say I am sorry for what you have gone through but so proud of you for doing so much better. I want to tell you that yes it will get better and even though he was your first love he will not be your last or your best! I too have felt the way you do and never in a million years thought that I could find someone I love again. But my husband is so much better then my ex and not just on paper. I actually shudder to think that if my ex hadn’t broken my heart then I would never have met my husband that would have been the real tragedy. While we did love our exes and did get hurt we as humans can move on and adapt and you will, trust me. Good things are coming your way. Your are a beautiful girl that anyone would be lucky to have you love them and don’t forget it.

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