(Closed) Advise needed! Long distance relationship again??

posted 11 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
6593 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

That is really hard!

To me my family (Me and FI) is more important than my career and I will deal with financial woes to be with him but every one is different!

Can you look for a job in a closer city as opposed to your home town so the distance won’t be as far?

Do you think that your relationship can withstand the 5 year long distance relationship at this point in your life?

 There really isn’t an answer that I can give you straight up – you really have to discuss all of the possibilities and pros and cons with your SO!

Post # 4
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Well…  I moved to be with my then bf.  We had a one year long distance relationship and that was hard enough, I couldn’t stand making it longer so I moved to be with him when we were both ready to live together.  At the time I moved, though, I didnt’ have a job and was preparing to take the bar exam, so I was more free to move to a new place.  I figured I’d start my career at the new place.  I moved here, still have on job, but now we are engaged.  I think that 5 more years is way too long to be doing long distance relationship, but of course, that is my opinion, some people might have have problem with that if they are more independent, etc.  You said that you have only recently moved to where he is.  You can’t expect to find a job that quickly in this economy and I would tough it out a little longer and keep trying.  Perhaps give yourself a deadline and if by that time you still can’t find a job, then go back to your old job? 

Post # 5
2143 posts
Buzzing bee

Oh, I’m so sorry! I know how hard it can be. I was in a long distance relationship for 4 years when we decided enough is enough and I moved in. Logically, it wasn’t the best idea because I had a full ride scholarship to any college of my choice in my home state, but it didn’t carry over out of state. But, I did it anyway and so far it’s been the best decision of my life. Yes, this will make things a little harder in regards to paying for school and everything, but I took the plunge and don’t regret it.

So, if I can offer any input, it would be to say that you should look at staying as the “emotional” choice and leaving as the “logical” choice. The logical one isn’t always the right one. How important to you is your career? I assume when your Fi graduates, he’ll be making sufficient money to support you and a family (if you wanted)?

It’s really a tough, tough decision. I know I personally couldn’t bear to be apart again now that we’re together (hubby was gone 3 days once and I just broke down). So personally, I think I would stay.

Post # 6
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I had two options–move to Savannah to be with DH or stay in St Louis for another year or so while I had a stellar job.

I chose my job. I can’t handle being unemployed 24/7. I didn’t want to be a college graduate scraping for a job at Target. It’s not that I don’t love my husband or value my career more, but uh, you need money to pay the bills so we chose practicality. We’re both emotionally capable of handling time apart. For us, it sucks, but it doesn’t cause us to be depressed or drag us down or make us miserable either.

I don’t think i’d tack 5 years on, though. A year, maybe two, yes. I’ve already done 4 and I’m tired of it.

Could you move back and look for a job for the next year? And, honestly, your company may not want you back. You’ve already left, and I’m sure they know you’d only be back temporarily.

You may just have to get used to being a poor student again! Can you go back to school, too?

Post # 7
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

This is certainly a difficult situation you have on your hands. My FI took a new job in Washington D.C. a couple of years ago – we uprooted our whole lives to move for his career advancement too – I was finishing my last year of college and had a good job. I somehow managed to finish my last semester of college online (albeit it took a lot of work and convincing the dean to do this as it had never been done before), and found my new job through a new friend in the area (she was actually my neighbor across the street). I would say this – I moved to a totally new city/state without any family (other than Fiance, who was at that time my long-time boyfriend of 6 years), and with no job. I know how you feel – it stinks (not to mention not being able to find a job is a real blow to your self-esteem). Perhaps you can network in your new area – you never know where you might get hooked up with a great new opportunity. Talk to and get to know your neighbors, become part of a meetup group (http://www.meetup.com) in your area, etc. I moved for love and to help Fiance advance his career (which has been a wonderful thing in the long run). It all depends – do you really think you can/want to move back? It sounds like you had a great thing going with your company and your career, and now it’s time to make the tough choices (not saying that leaving originally wasn’t tough, but the thought of going back has to be heartbreaking for you both). I do know what it’s like to live on little (we were both students and working at one point in our lives too and certainly had the student monetary struggle you speak of). Sit down with him and seriously talk priorities and a timeline – if you can’t get a job by X date or whatever, perhaps you move back? Or if you decide that no matter what you don’t want to/can’t move back and want to stay, plan out what you will do to make sure you can pay the bills. Just my 2 cents.

Good Luck & Hang in There!


Post # 8
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m so sorry for this decision you have to make.  Moving to a new place is tough, this summer my husband and I moved across the country for his new job.  Do you need to be employed in order to pay for your bills?  Can you afford to pay for two households on your old salary?  If that isn’t possible, it will just make it harder to have to pay for both on that salary.  I think that you will be able to find a job there, it just may take time and I don’t think that people will hold it against you that you couldn’t get a job when almost no one could.  I wish I could help more, but it really is your decision alone.

Post # 9
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think this comes down to the question on what is more important to you:  being with the person you love and wishing you had a job/or a better job, or enjoying your job during the day but not having the person you love to come home to. 

For me, it is a no brainer.  I would rather have an “okay” job and be able to look forward to coming home to the person that I love.  It’s a tough call.  Good luck! 

The topic ‘Advise needed! Long distance relationship again??’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors