- 2 years ago
- Wedding: September 2018
This will be a it long and maybe confusing, but bare with me.
My Mom’s my best friend. The two of us are very close. We do a lot of things together, and I love spending time with her. But throughout my life she’s always seemed to need more. A new husband, a new pet, a new kid.
When I was 18 she adopted two kids. They were 5 and 10. I didn’t really like it, but I was a senior in high school and had one foot out the door already. They were cute enough kids, and I didn’t put up much of a fuss.
My brother Eli was 14 and he seemed to cope ok with the new kids, but my brother Sol was only 12. He lost all of my Mom’s attention to the new adopted kids. His grades suffered. He was kicked out of his high school. He smoked pot every day had some problems with the law. He finally got his GED and has taken a few college classes, but he’s now 25 and still lives with my Mom. He’s never really made much of his life. Him and I were really close growing-up and it makes me sad to see so much wasted potential.
Not long after the kids were adopted my Mom had a baby (my brother Isaiah). The adopted kids soon lost my Mom’s attention to the new baby. Both of my adopted siblings are now adults and neither one of them are doing well. (One is working a minimum wage job and constantly in trouble with the law, the other one lives with an abusive boyfriend and their baby. They live in subsidized housing and neither one of them can keep a job).
When I was 25 my Mom adopted a baby girl. I was on board with this decision. The baby was cute, and my brother Isaiah was 6 and I thought it was great that he was getting a younger sibling. My Mom seemed in great shape to care for the baby. I think the whole family honestly thought that would be her last child.
Now I’m 31 and my Mom has told me that she wants to adopt three children of varying ages. (A sibling group that’s ages 5, 7, and 10). I think it’s a terrible idea. Right now she has my adopted sister who is now 6 to care for. My sister is developmentally delayed and doesn’t seem to be getting much help with schoolwork or catching up with her peers. She also has my little brother Isaiah who is now 12. He doesn’t seem to be getting much guidance and is pretty much doing his own thing.
I’m terrified that Isaiah will wind-up like my brother Sol if she adopts these new kids. I want him to graduate high school and get a college degree. I want him to make something of his life. But I’m scared that he’ll lose his drive, start smoking pot, drop out of high school, etc.
The new kids would probably be great kids. I’d probably enjoy spending time with them and getting to know them better. But will they continue to get emotional support from my Mom even as they get older? Is my Mom really the right person to raise them? I’m not sure.
So what do I do? Try to oppose the adoption? Keep my mouth shut and accept my new siblings? Distance myself from my Mom who’s my best friend? I tried to tell her how I feel and why, but she really didn’t care to listen. I know she’s going to do what she wants to do regardless, but I’m really not sure how to react to her decisions. Any advise?