Advise needed! My Mom wants to adopt again ….

posted 2 years ago in Adoption & Surrogacy
Post # 34
Member
2778 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

tiffy127 :  Im so sorry Bee. This sounds like a total nightmare for you. I know it was probably super difficult to call the adoption agency and ‘tell on’ your mother, your best friend, but you really did do the best thing for everyone involved. Your younger siblings really need her attention right now, and even if she can’t give it to them at least you’re not helping her perpetuate the cycle of having more children go through the same thing. 

Also, don’t ever let anyone tell you that a parent’s disinterest, ‘benign neglect,’ or having no more ‘use’ for a child after a certain age is not a terrible thing to go through. 

Post # 36
Member
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

ETA: Wow, I just saw your update. That is incredibly brave of you, and I applaud you for taking the right step to advocate for your siblings and future siblings your mom may adopt. I hope that it all works out, and the adoption agency hears and listens to your concerns.

I agree with PPs, that your mom seems to like “new.” She adopts a new, young child, and they grow a little, become old hat, and she loses interest. She can’t seem to focus on them, and does not seem to be providing good continuing care to them. I’ve known people to have several kids, but they all turned out okay and the parents were very involved and the siblings helped each other, because there was no huge age gap. That’s not the case with your mother. Your mom seems to have the same attitude towards children that some have towards puppies, only wanting them when they’re puppies, and losing interest when they’ve grown past that puppy cute stage into grown dogs.

However, despite what I think, or what you think, you can’t control your mom or her actions. I would voice concerns, and maybe tell her that you’ve seen a cycle and worry about the kids she has in the house now, but after that, if you want to keep your relationship with your mom, you have to stay quiet about it. You can’t make someone change, and oftentimes words from another person are not enough to make someone recognize their issues.

Post # 37
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

tiffy127 :  you and your siblings are very brave.  You did the right thing and hopefully the agency will take your concerns seriously.

 

I hope your little sister receives the help she needs.

Post # 38
Member
747 posts
Busy bee

Unless your mother was downright neglectful, you need to stop blaming your siblings choices on her. Every child gets less attention when a new baby comes, even more so if said child is adopted, because they NEED that.

So like I said, unless she was downright neglectful, your siblings CHOICES are not her fault. 

Post # 40
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

tiffy127 :  Your poor mother.  She has some need she is trying to fill.  I hope she gets help for it.  I’m sure she must be at or over her city limits for the number of pets she has.  I know my foster/adoption agency will not place a child in my home if we are violating city laws.  Hopefully hers will do the same.

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