Post # 31
diamonddust8 : Thank you for your insight. I’m not sure I’d be willing to call it “emotional abandonment” because I love my Mom so much and am always trying to defend her. I will say that she treats her kids like friends. So I’ve always seen her as my buddy, but not really like a traditional Mom. Growing-up it was my grandma who took on a Mom role for me. My grandma was the one who called me on the phone after school and asked me what my homework was and if I had done it, etc. And now I guess I’ve assumed that Mom role for Isaiah. I’m always asking him about homework and reminding him to brush his teeth, etc. I’m not sure if this is a fault of my Mom or just the way that some people parent. She’s always been of the mind set that kids should be independent and make their own decisions.
Post # 33
diamonddust8 : My Mom and step-dad have almost finished the classes they needed to take to become adoptive parents through an adoption agency in our area. After they complete the classes they’ll be told if they’re approved or not. Before they get approval the adoption agency will contact several family members and ask us what we think. A lot of the family has talked about it, and we’ve all decided that we’re going to be as honest as possible (none of us really think it’s a good idea, but most of us also don’t want to completely throw her under the bus either).
My brother Eli, my brother Sol, and myself have all called the adoption agency and told them that we think it’s a bad idea. They’ve put our opinion in their file, but will still call us later to do a formal interview.
My brother Eli actually went as far as to call my Mom’s church and tell them about her plan to adopt and why he thinks it’s a bad idea. The pastor and his wife had a meeting with my Mom and step-dad. I’m not sure exactly what was said, but it appears to have done little to change their minds. They are convinced that it’s God’s calling that they adopt this 3 child sibling group.
As I’ve said, I love my Mom so much. I just don’t think this is the right thing for her to do. My hope is that they are only approved to adopt one child, because I honestly don’t think they could handle more than that. My little sister who is 5 is developmentally delayed and not getting the help that she needs in school right now, so I can only imagine that would be worse. (At the moment she could probably catch-up to her peers if she got the help she needed).
Over all it’s a very frustrating situation for sure!
ETA : oops, my little sister is 6, sorry I mistyped! (Sometimes it’s hard to keep track of everyone’s ages. lol)
Post # 34
tiffy127 : Im so sorry Bee. This sounds like a total nightmare for you. I know it was probably super difficult to call the adoption agency and ‘tell on’ your mother, your best friend, but you really did do the best thing for everyone involved. Your younger siblings really need her attention right now, and even if she can’t give it to them at least you’re not helping her perpetuate the cycle of having more children go through the same thing.
Also, don’t ever let anyone tell you that a parent’s disinterest, ‘benign neglect,’ or having no more ‘use’ for a child after a certain age is not a terrible thing to go through.
Post # 35
Thank you so much everyone for all of your support! I reallly appreciate it 😊
Post # 36
ETA: Wow, I just saw your update. That is incredibly brave of you, and I applaud you for taking the right step to advocate for your siblings and future siblings your mom may adopt. I hope that it all works out, and the adoption agency hears and listens to your concerns.
I agree with PPs, that your mom seems to like “new.” She adopts a new, young child, and they grow a little, become old hat, and she loses interest. She can’t seem to focus on them, and does not seem to be providing good continuing care to them. I’ve known people to have several kids, but they all turned out okay and the parents were very involved and the siblings helped each other, because there was no huge age gap. That’s not the case with your mother. Your mom seems to have the same attitude towards children that some have towards puppies, only wanting them when they’re puppies, and losing interest when they’ve grown past that puppy cute stage into grown dogs.
However, despite what I think, or what you think, you can’t control your mom or her actions. I would voice concerns, and maybe tell her that you’ve seen a cycle and worry about the kids she has in the house now, but after that, if you want to keep your relationship with your mom, you have to stay quiet about it. You can’t make someone change, and oftentimes words from another person are not enough to make someone recognize their issues.
Post # 37
tiffy127 : you and your siblings are very brave. You did the right thing and hopefully the agency will take your concerns seriously.
I hope your little sister receives the help she needs.
Post # 38
Unless your mother was downright neglectful, you need to stop blaming your siblings choices on her. Every child gets less attention when a new baby comes, even more so if said child is adopted, because they NEED that.
So like I said, unless she was downright neglectful, your siblings CHOICES are not her fault.
Post # 39
Thank you everyone for the continued advise! I do realize that my adult siblings do make their own choices and that I shouldn’t blame my Mom for everything, but I’m still not convinced that she doesn’t have some type of problem. She just got 2 new kittens. Meaning she now has 9 cats and a dog. She is a caring pet owner. She feeds them, takes them to the vet, plays with them, etc. But that is too many pets for anyone! When I asked her why, she said that she just needed something to love. Those were her exact words.
Post # 40
tiffy127 : Your poor mother. She has some need she is trying to fill. I hope she gets help for it. I’m sure she must be at or over her city limits for the number of pets she has. I know my foster/adoption agency will not place a child in my home if we are violating city laws. Hopefully hers will do the same.