(Closed) Advise on what to say…really sad situation

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think that sounds really sweet and appropriate from how you have described your relationship with her. 

Post # 4
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

No I think it is just perfect. I might add “Please know that our thoughts are with you and your husband.”

Post # 5
235 posts
Helper bee

I think it’s perfect.

Post # 6
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think that sounds good. What a horrible situation…

Post # 7
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Wow what a sad situation, and a beautifully written card.  Only thing – I’d say “you and your family” instead of “you and your baby” in both places because it’s more inclusive and avoids drawing attention to the fact that it’s only the baby girl now instead of babies, plural.  Best of luck to them.

Post # 8
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Oh how terrible! This sort of happened when my boss lost his first child. It his us all  hard as we are pretty much like family.

To answer your question, I like ChiCat’s suggestion.

Post # 9
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

I agree with ChiChat and also would change the “substantial support” part because it doesn’t sound as warm. Not sure what I would change it to though…I’m just being picky I guess..everyone else above loves it, so it’s just me being wierd. 🙂

That is so very sad. I can’t imagine what they are going through. 🙁  

Post # 10
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

agree with Chi

Post # 11
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

That is such a sad situation and I think your card handles it well.  I also agree with ChiChat and Jenn23, I tried to look for a substitute for substantial on thesaurus.com, but came up empty.

Post # 12
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2004

One of the reasons I became a professional photographer is so that I could volunteer with NILMDTS. You are wonderful for sending a card and acknowledging her babies.

I, too, would change it to “family”–also, in case (God forbid) anything happens to the little girl between now and the time she receives the card.

If you are able, consider chipping in for some food delivery (or use a site like foodtidings.com to organize meals)–they’ll need to eat, but probably won’t feel like cooking. Food is a fantastically thoughtful gift.

When you return (and after a little time has passed)… If she had pictures taken of the little boy, and you think you can handle it, gently tell her you would love to see them. If you are able to carefully and gently acknowledge her lost baby, that can help her to heal a bit. Many parents who suffer losses are helped to know that their babies are remembered; and are proud to share what they have of their little ones with others (of course, every parent is different, so definitely try to go off her cues; but showing interest in and recognition of her lost baby could mean a lot to her).

You’re a good friend.

Post # 13
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

A while ago I saved this post on “What to say” in case I ever needed it. It is from a mom who lost a baby. She suggests recognizing the tragedy of the situation:

“The parents feel alone when they don’t think people understand how awful this is. Saying things like, “This is the worst thing. I am so sorry and sad that it had to happen to you and your child,” helps.”

Post # 15
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think a post like this reminds us all that when we think our day or life is going so horrible, life smacks you in the face and makes you greatful. Now seeing her situation with more detail I understand why you feel unclear about what to say. I think what you had first is wonderful. She obviously needs someone to lean on and maybe have an ear to cry at so if either of you are able to do that please let her know she does have support. I hope her family is able to come out and help and support her.

Post # 16
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

Keep in mind that 24 weeks is the edge of viability and her little girl is in for a long difficult road…. so how about saying for you (or your family) instead of you and your baby girl.  It’s still going to be touch and go for a while.

You are a great co-worker for being so thoughtful!

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