Advise: only friend not in bridal party

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
1364 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry, but your friend has made it clear you don’t share the level of friendship you thought you did. I’ve been there, and it sucks. But it seems like if it’s a month out til her wedding, you’d have known you weren’t a part of her bridal party, right? Was it just the fact that she invited others from your group that is throwing you off? If you’re financially strapped and have been told you’re no longer welcome to partake in pre-wedding festivities, I’d likely cancel my trip. Not because I wasn’t part of the bridal party, but because at the 11th hour I was getting purposely excluded when an expensive trip had already been planned and I’d been lied to about the circumstances. 

Post # 3
168 posts
Blushing bee

Hmmmm…. I think it could be too things.  


1.  She realizes your financial situation is rough, and she does not want you to feel like you have to spend a fortune to be in and attend her wedding.  She is just using the wrong delivery/choice of words to convey this to you.  


2.  She is sending you a signal that maybe your friendship is not what you thought or hoped it to be.


Have you reached out to anyone else in your friend group? Do you have someone you can trust to talk openly about this with and get their thoughts on the situation?

Post # 4
655 posts
Busy bee

It seems like she doesn’t want to be your friend really. That totally sucks, and I’m so sorry 😞. I totally know how that feels, went through a similar situation (though not as costly!!) last year with a friend’s wedding that I ended up not even being invited to. It must feel really crappy right now, I hope you feel better soon!! If I were you, I would cancel my trip and not attend…and not waste much more energy on the relationship. 

Post # 6
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

If you can cancel, I would.  Probably won’t get your money back for the flights but you’ll get the miles. This bride is behaving terribly, and I wouldn’t spend my time or money on her. 

Post # 7
488 posts
Helper bee

If you really think it was a bait and switch, don’t go. She tricked you just to have you there to fill seats at the wedding. What kind of friend would do that? You probably can’t get refunds on the flights, but sometimes the airline will give the some of the money back as a voucher for a future flight. 

Post # 9
3868 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

This sucks so much. I’m sorry. Have you contacted your other friends directly to organise catch ups? Surely they can’t be booked up 24/7. If the flights can’t be cancelled I’d go and do my best to have a fun weekend, but would be reevaluating the friendship. Also don’t be pressured into an expensive gift. Get what you can afford (you’re already flying long distance!) and if she gets upset that it’s not good enough then honestly you’ll know that she is not the kind of person you want to be friends with any more. 

Post # 10
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’d still attend the wedding seeing as you have already made a significant outlay for flights and hotel, however I would skip on the expensive gift. 

Your bride-friend may have some sort of bridal party activities planned eg nails pre-wedding (that she could’ve asked you to join if she was considerate enough) but it would be worthwhile seeing if you could catch up with your other friends the day after the wedding.

Post-wedding, I would be keeping my distance.

Post # 11
5096 posts
Bee Keeper

marie1818 :  Is there anything in the county you’re visiting that would be nice to see? Such as anything for sightseeing? Since you’ll be out the money since no refunds maybe make it a relaxing trip for yourself? I know it sucks the way you’ve been treated. Perhaps go to the wedding itself leave after cake and then get up early the next day and make a nice trip out if it? 

I used to travel alone and it’s nice if you plan ahead. 

Post # 13
756 posts
Busy bee

I would probably give the bride one last chance by straight up telling her that no I can’t cancel coming early or at all, and you’re a little disappointed that you have to spend the weekend essentially alone after she had told you that there would be a chance to meet up with friends. 

Although I suspect mourning the friendship might be the only thing to do in this case

Post # 14
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

My suggestion would probably be to give the friendship one last chance – in case there’s been some kind of miscommunication either end – by laying out the facts to the bride as you see them in a non-accusatory manner: “I booked thinking that I would get to hang out with the gang but now everyone will be busy, which makes this a bit awkward for me” / “I’m a bit hurt that I wasn’t made part of the bridal party when everyone else was, is there a reason?” or whichever issue feels most important.

If her reply suggests that she hadn’t realised you’d be hurt or that she had some non-mean reason for neglecting you, I would try and work it out (and see if you could come along to the pre-wedding festivities). If her reply indicates that she genuinely doesn’t care about the friendship, I’d probably skip out on the wedding and make the trip into a brief solo vacation, or attend courteously but not bother with a gift. The friendship with her would obviously be over after that day.

Post # 15
2012 posts
Buzzing bee

I’d skip it and use the time to catch-up with family and friends not involved with the wedding.

She’s expecting an expensive gift even after she knows you’ve spent heaps on flights and accommodation as well as the fact she purposely deceived you? Lol b*tch please. Tell the selfish brat to take a hike.

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