(Closed) Advise Please – FI is having PMS Sessions!

posted 6 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Hi! I’m sorry that this is your experience. I would be really bummed too. I have sort of the opposite problem. My groom is overbearing about the wedding (but not in real life, weird) and has a super important opinion about EVERYTHING! Including whether or not there will be lillies in my bouquet, the neckline on my dress and demanding that the bridesmaids wear exactly the same necklace. He has an opinion on absolutely everything. Can you give your FI specific things to do and see how he does with them? Maybe he just wants you to have the perfect wedding that you have always wanted.

I wouldn’t say worry, but I would get to the bottom of the issue. Sit down and just ask him why he isn’t interested in the wedding planning. There could be something else going on, if you are trying to keep it small, is he worried about finances? When we started planning I was a little frustrated because we are also having a small wedding (50 people) and everything seemed to expensive in wedding land and a lot of venues wouldn’t work with us because we were having less than 100. Maybe once he realizes that you really can have a truly beautiful wedding without emptying your bank account he will want to be more involved. Are his friends generally married or single? Maybe they don’t think that wedding planning is cool that is impacting him. Or maybe he just thinks you are starting too early. Who knows, but I would ask him and get a real answer out of him. Hope it works out!

Post # 4
Member
1358 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

“It should’nt be this hard right? I should be smiling through the whole ordeal.”

You would think, right? It sounds like what you’re experiencing is the end of the honeymoon period of the engagement, so to speak. My fiance and I have definitely bickered a few times over things similar to what you’ve described. One minute, he couldn’t care less about flowers and doesn’t want to be dragged to a florist appointment, and the next he’s all picky about the color of the boutonnieres.

He’s also had quite a bit of sticker shock even though we talked about budget upfront and he knew what we were in for. It’s a little different talking about money and actually writing a check. He’s made the “We should just elope or do this at home” comments, but I always remind him we get just one wedding day to celebrate our love with our family and friends.

My recommendation would be to figure out the things your fiance really cares about, not because of finding the cheapest version, but because they’re things he’s excited about. For my fiance, those things are cake, music, and food. Focusing on those things keeps him excited about the wedding in general instead of just furrowing his brow over what we’re spending or things he doesn’t care about.

When I feel like my fiance’s not offering opinions and giving me the “meh” response, I ask very specific, open-ended questions: “Do you say you like these invitations because of the colors or the design?” “Do you see us having more of a party or an elegant dinner?” “Do you prefer almond or white cake?” 

Hope this helps!

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