(Closed) afraid FI ex might show up at the wedding…how to handle?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: How to deal if his ex shows up?
    Have the venue ask for I.D's at the door stating the reason as: so there is no underage drinking : (15 votes)
    13 %
    Discreetly inform the venue staff and give them pictures of the people in question as DO NOT ALLOW : (91 votes)
    77 %
    Arrive as early as possible & scope out the place personally to make sure they're nowhere in sight : (3 votes)
    3 %
    Hire a policeman to stand by : (9 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4824 posts
    Honey bee

    Let the venue staff know and give them a pic so they know what to look out for. Let your bridal party (assuming they know what he looks like as well) to keep an eye out and to inform the staff if they see them.

    They will be able to notify police if it comes to that, which I hope it doesnt.

    Post # 4
    Member
    785 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I would hire a policeman AND discreetly inform the venue of their appearance.  That way they will hopefully not be allowed into the venue in the first place, but if they do and things get out of hand, you will have a police officer there to handle the situation.

    Post # 5
    Member
    544 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I’d recommend hiring a security guy and giving him the photos. It’s not the venue’s place to handle this (unless they offer that kind of service). 

    Post # 6
    Member
    562 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    Make sure you take care of this! I feared fiance’s ex would show up but really didn’t think she had the guts. She did, and SIGNED OUR GUESTBOOK! We hate her with a passion yet she tried to ruin our wedding. She was kicked out after the ceremony but now I have to live with her having been there, and white out her name.

    Post # 7
    Member
    273 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Our venue requires a security guard for 100+ attendees. Maybe your venue can offer a security guy for a fee. I would definitely check into it.

    Good luck and ((HUGS))

    Post # 8
    Member
    7300 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    big-mouth 9 year old son.

    You are going to be an awesome step mom. Wow.

    The only thing you can do is perhaps create a guest list and hire security to check names at the door and only let in those on the list. Or start spreading it word of mouth that guests must bring their invite to gain access.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3142 posts
    Sugar bee

    What do you think they would do that would be bad?  Are they complete nutters or what?

    Post # 11
    Member
    464 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Is she the mother of the 9-yr old? I understand the being annoyed with the son (is she isnt the mother), but the way you said it does not come off loving and he is ONLY 9. I am also curious to what horrible things could happen if they come.

    Post # 12
    Member
    5977 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I agree in that what you said about his son is a little harsh. If his ex and her parents are a little on the crazy side and are thinking about showing up, then I would let the venue know about it as well as hiring some sort of personal security to hang out at the door.

    I just don’t think it’s fair to place the blame on your future stepson. I take it that none of you have a great relationship?

    Post # 14
    Member
    690 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    @Miss Tattoo: LOL. I know, I’m feeling bad for this poor 9 year-old. He’s got some therapy coming his way.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1995 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    can you approach this any other way?  Perhaps speaking to them before hand?  Is your own step on not invited???  How about assuming they wont cause drama? 

    Post # 16
    Member
    468 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    Really? Do we really think that this person and her family have nothing better to do than try to “ruin your wedding?”

    Personally, I wouldn’t give anyone the satisfaction of incurring additional expense to keep them away. Just let your bridal party, officiant, and close family members know to be alert and keep their eyes open. They likely will not come, but if they do, you won’t even know it unless they stand up and throw rotten fish at you or something. It would be more of a scene if they arrive and armed security forces try to manhandle them out the door.

    Handle it with some discretion; have FI’s parents, sibling or other person familiar with them politely let them know it is a private function and they should leave.

    As for the “big mouth 9 year old son…” You knew the job was dangerous when you took it so don’t complain now. Either you need to step up and be a loving (step) parent or get out of the picture. Your Fiance is that child’s father—he was before you entered the picture and will still be his dad should your relationship end. Form a family bond with Fiance & his son and pray that the child doesn’t refer to you as his “airheaded step-monster” or some other mean title you don’t feel you deserve.

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