Afraid Gift got Stolen in Mail. Advice?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
145 posts
Blushing bee

If you’re not getting any response and you can’t afford another gift anyway, then there’s not much else you can do about it.  But don’t panic yet.  I think it’s probably more likely that the couple just isn’t aware of how to write a wedding thank you card, or maybe they didnt keep a good list of who gave what gift and couldn’t remember what you had given them.  For my own wedding, I only wrote thank yous for guests who gave a gift and/or a card.  I don’t think it’s necessary to formally thank a guest for just showing up.  So I would assume they got your card and thus, your gift.

Post # 3
13728 posts
Honey Beekeeper

The etiquette is that thank you notes are for gifts, not attendance only. Since that is the standard, and since gifts are so customary, a note that only references you being there can be seen as fishing. 

Since she did not mention a gift, you did the correct thing by inquiring. 

Post # 4
6377 posts
Bee Keeper

I think you were right in inquiring.  Whenever I thank someone for their gift I directly reference the gift so they know it arrived safely.

Post # 5
4523 posts
Honey bee

Did you keep the receipt for the gift card so you can report it as missing?

Post # 6
5468 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

If she lives in another country and you just put it in the normal postbox is it possible you didn’t have the right type of stamp on it? 

Post # 7
923 posts
Busy bee

I suspect they forgot which gift was yours, which could also be why they haven’t responded to your text. I wouldn’t worry about re-sending the gift. 

Post # 8
4962 posts
Honey bee

You did the right thing by inquiring.


1.  You don’t owe anyone a replacement gift.  That’s just not how it works.  Sometimes shit happens, but that doesn’t mean you get them another gift.

2.  There could be a several very easy explanations:  they just suck at writing thank you notes, they could be very slow and are only doing thank you for attending (which they shouldn’t be doing in the first place, but that’s another story) and didn’t consolidate their thank you lists, they didn’t keep track of who gave what, or the card is lost in the mail and may still make its way back to you or to them.  I work in an office that sends out thousands of letters per week.  I’ve seen it take 6-8 weeks for mail to get returned to sender if we got the address wrong or they moved without a forwarding address.  And that’s with the U.S. postal system which is routinely regarded as the most reliable/efficient (neck and neck with Japan).  Not sure what country you’re referring to in your post or when you mailed it (before or after the wedding).  

But regardless, you tried.  You’re not obligated to replace what was optional in the first place.

I will say in the future, especially if buying gift cards in large amounts, is keep the receipt or a copy of it and write down the serial number/barcode number on the card.  I’ve had the experience where  a gift card got lost in the mail and they had a way of looking it up electronically and verifying it hadn’t been used, so they canceled it and issued a new card.  Of course, that depends on the company, I suppose, but it’s a good habit to get into.  I do it even if I’m giving the gift card in person because I’ve had situations where the cashier ran the card through wrong or the computer failed and it didn’t load the money on the card, but they were able to remedy it with proof from my receipt.

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