- 7 years ago
- Wedding: November 2015
I’ve had a rough month where I’ve been pretty emotional. It’s been hard for me knowing that he’s not sure and I’m sure about him. I’ve also had other stressful life stuff going on. I haven’t talked to him much about my uncomfortable feelings about the relationship becuase I don’t want him to take it personally or feel pressured.
I also understand other Bee’s comments that you don’t want to set an ultimatum becuase the love you built should be more important than a proposal. On the other hand, doesn’t the tension of this situation erode the love you have sometimes? I’m afraid he’ll look at this insecure person I turn into sometimes lately, and think he doesn’t want to marry “that”. But I’d feel so much better and not crazy/insecure if I knew he wanted to marry me! And I’ve had my own private thoughts about leaving the relationship, I think this is my ‘fear of abandonment’ pre-emptive strike. I’m afraid of being rejected so I think well it can’t happen if I leave first! Uggh I know it’s bad.
I know he’s thinking about it but I’m afraid my best foot is not forward right now. I’ve had a major family thing going on too and I think if we talked about our relationship he would just think that it’s the stress I’m going through and that’s why the urgency to get married.
The last time we talked was last month, he said he’d need to decide “soon” and he was sad to think of me not being in his life. Sometimes he can see our future and sometimes not. And I let him know that I spent a lot of time feeling “sure” about him but if he’s not sure about me/marriage that’s OK I understand a lot of marriage “stuff” is not about the person but about the topic itself. It was a fairly civilized discussion, I didn’t feel emotional or rejected or anything like that. Then he talked about us moving in together later that day but nothing definitive. His roomie’s moving out in Sept/Oct.
Any thoughts on approaching this? I don’t want to feel like I’m withholding from him but at the same time I’m sort of afraid it’s a loaded topic.