(Closed) Afraid I might be committing to pushing back an engagement for 6+ years. Long

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@qwerty2k1:  In some ways I understand holding off being married until you finish school, but in other ways it makes sense to marry when it feels right. I am not sure you’re at the point where it feels right to you.

I don’t see why it would be ‘irresponsible’ to get married while in school. It would be irresponsible to have a huge wedding you can’t afford, but if you already live together and want a future, I see no problem getting hitched.

You say it’s your bf’s dream to spend a year living in Europe. You didn’t give many details… like is it something like ‘I’d love to own horses one day’ (a pipe dream) or something more realistic for you two? I ask that because sometimes in a relationship one needs to compromise. If your schooling is more defined etc. then if he wants to be with you, he might have to give up his dream.

I suppose what it comes down to is what you want as a couple. If you think that you both have some growing up to do, and you’re both set on doing what you want to do, then marriage might be a bad idea. If you decide together that you’re going to spend the next 6+ years focusing on your education, then maybe it is a good idea. You just need to be in it together.

Just an edit/addition: Don’t count on being able to work in Europe for that year… I missed that part in my response, but you never know how things will pan out. I read it originally as more your SO’s dream than yours.

Post # 4
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

It’s not irresponsible to get married while still in school.  Marriage is a bit commitment but it’s very easily doable with one spouse in school.  Now, having kids would be more of a commitment and may affect your ability to go to school and/or do the internships you want.  I had no problem planning a wedding while in my second year of law school and there are many other ladies on this board planning weddings while in graduate school.

Post # 5
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t understand why you can’t get married whenever you want. I mean this seriously — not trying to be flippant. Marriage doesn’t mean you’re 100% financially set and your career path is all plotted out 40 years hence. ANYthing can happen at any time to throw your plans off course.

Marriage is about navigating life together, not having everything perfectly in place from the get-go. If I were you, I wouldn’t even THINK of putting off the engagement. Go ahead with your career plan, and go ahead with your engagement at the same time. The 2 are not incompatible. 

Post # 6
Member
3421 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

Why don’t you just elope. save the money and just get married. you are already living like married people anyway and you can always have a big party later (maybe at your 5 yr anniversay)

Post # 8
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I am totally not waiting until SO is done with school to get married. He will be 30 by then (Ph.D.) and we would have been together for 9-10 years. You will never be 100% financially stable. You make a commitment to get through all times together. As long as you can pay your own rent on time and are self-sufficient, I think it doesn’t matter if you’re in school or not.

Post # 9
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@love108:  I agree. Great advice!

Post # 10
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’ll be completing my Masters while I’m planning for my wedding, so I think as long as you have a Bachelors (this is just my opinion, college-wise) then I think you are fine to get married if you and your spouse can financially support yourselves (which judging by your post, you can!). Girl, I wouldn’t wait 11 years to be with the One I love.

I don’t think there will ever be a “perfect” time to get married, have children, etc. But I believe in laying down a solid foundation, and I believe you’ve done just that. 🙂

Post # 11
Member
5 posts
Newbee

I agree with some of the other posters on here… I  am in nursing school right now, and several of the girls have had weddings, started families, etc. You can do it. It would just be gnawing at you if you were dating your man for such a long time without having the commitment of marriage to honor the relationship. You can plan here and there, don’t make it something huge and unrealistic… but just a nice lil’ style me pretty type wedding 🙂

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