Post # 1
My boyfriend and I have been together 7 years. He’s 27 I’m 26. For the past year I’ve been expressing to him that I’m ready to get going/get married/start a family. We both have great jobs, a house, are debt free, and financially stable. We have been living together for the last 6 years. He always talks in terms of “when we get married” “when we have kids” etc. Whenever I’ve asked about marriage his response over the years has always been “when the time is right”. I just don’t understand when that “time” is going to be. 8 years? 10 years? 15?
My brother passed away in September. He would have been the best man in our wedding. My boyfriend and my brother became best friends over the years. Now that he’s gone I’m afraid of who else might pass away and not be there. I always expressed to him I want to get married while my 88 year old grandfather is still around. I never imagined my brother wouldn’t be.
Anyways, two months ago while we were at a jewerly store shopping for a friend he asked me what I thought of this ring that was at the counter and I tried it on. This last month while Christmas shopping for my mother at the jewerly store he has asked me what style rings I like and he took a picture.
He told his older sisters last summer that he’d MAYBE like a wedding next summer.
Now I have been getting excited hopping he’ll finally propose. At the same time I’m afraid of how disappointed I’ll feel if he doesn’t. How do I tell myself it’s ok if he doesn’t. I feel like I’m heartbroken already thinking about it because I know there’s a very good chance he won’t.
Post # 2
Talk to him about how he feels. Where he stands on getting married. That would be much more direct than trying to interpret hints.
Post # 3
“How do I tell myself it’s ok if he doesn’t.”
You don’t tell yourself it’s ok. You’re an equal partner, this is your decision too. You have an adult conversation telling him you want to be engaged now, asking when does he want engagement. Then you meet in the middle. And decide the wedding date. You just don’t blindly accept that your future is 100% his decision.
Post # 4
He’s old enough and you’ve been together long enough for him to be able to provide a substantive explanation besides vaguely stating “when the time is right.” It may be never, or not until he is 30, or within a year. But he should be able to say something.
Post # 5
“Christmas engagements are so cliche! good thing he didnt ask me for xmas”
“Im glad he got me that new ___insert item____for xmas. He’s so thoughtful”
“Im so glad I got to spend this holiday with the man I love”
There is so much that you can tell yourself but I am afraid that if you already are hopeful you have no place to be but disappointed if it doesnt happen. I agree with PP. Have a conversation with him about a time line and if he feels like he is ready for the next step. There is also nothing keeping you from proposing to him. Be direct and forth coming with your exact feelings.
Post # 6
Talk to him about a timeline. Find a compromise on when would be the deadline for a proposal based on when you would both like to get married. And make sure he is in agreement and then he will have until that date to make it happen. It’s not just something you have to hope and pray for on your own. It’s a decision for the both of you. If you tell him that it is important for you to get married next summer also, then maybe tell him you need at least a couple months to plan it out and maybe set like February as the deadline for a proposal. And depending if you want a larger wedding, possibly even before then.
Post # 7
theatrejulia : SoonMrsCrocker2 :
You need to be able to talk to your husband about important life decisions. Have the conversation, be honest, and see where it takes you. Much better than guessing or hoping.
Post # 9
I’m afraid you will definitely have to talk to him. Not everyone has a sense of urgency around marriage, that’s why this board is full of people who are “waiting” for their partner to get it together. There’s nothing wrong with having a say over your own future.
Post # 10
Talk to him. Tell him you are an equal partner in your relationship and you don’t see why you have to sit around hoping and waiting for a prosal which may never come / or will not come soon enough for you. You are grown ups, you have a home and a life together, you should be in the loop when it comes to getting married.