- 5 years ago
I’ve been looking for advice for a while on this forum but this is the first time I actually post something. Sorry if it’s long…I’ll try to be accurate and as short as possible.
My mom lives overseas. I’m pregnant and the baby is due in August. She is very happy about that, took the news very well and very kindly and told me she would start saving money to come over to stay and help with the baby. Which is a very kind, very generous offer and I was really looking forward to have her over. This would also be the first time she would see where I live with my husband (we got married last August), so I’m pretty excited about her visit.
Here is the thing: I’m starting to doubt whether I’m strong enough for this. I found myself to be overly sensitive since I got pregnant: I feel inadequate for the baby, incompetent at my job, completely disorganized, etc. I can’t find time or energy to visit with friends, and I feel pretty isolated. My husband is working a lot and I can’t see much of him. Anyways, it’s just a rough patch 🙂 but I suspect the pregnancy hormones are making me super-touchy to everything. Some innocent comments from different people (with the best intentions, I’m sure), have brought me to tears.
My mom can be pretty judgmental and “know-it-all”. Usually, it makes me laugh and I can brush it off, but lately I have been hurt by some of her comments. The latest in date being “you are gaining way too much weight, what is it going to be next month if you already are that big” (I’m at 16 weeks and gained 5 pounds so far… I just mentioned to her that I couldn’t button my pants anymore and that was her response). I try to keep her posted about how the pregnancy is going, but I find it increasingly hard because her responses feel so cold sometimes.
Now, I’m afraid of this: what’s it going to be like when she is here and criticizes the way I hold the baby, how often I nurse, how I diaper, what I eat…? I know she will, because she can find ways to criticize how I put a pot of water to boil!!! I’m just afraid of how I will react. I have been such a fountain lately, and I don’t want to thank my mom for being there with streams of tears! I also don’t want to tell her to back off, because I don’t want to hurt her and I know I can be bitchy when I’m defensive. I try to tell myself to toughen up but I find little energy to do so.
So Bees, do you have any advice? Did any of you go through something similar with your moms and did you find a good place for your relationship?
Thanks a ton for reading!