(Closed) Afraid of Objection at the Alter: POLL

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: If your mother suddenly objected to your marriage, would you:

    Call off the wedding. Family First

    Tell her to leave things alone and proceed like normal

    Limit her involvement in wedding planning and your life, thereafter

    Other: Explain, please

  • Post # 16
    Member
    87 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    View original reply
    crazykoi:  I’m so sorry to hear your going through this with your mother. I can only imagine how painful this must be for both you and your Fiance. Please know, as PPs stated, this is not about you or your Fiance. This is about your mother and her desire to ‘keep’ you and therefore no relationship or partner you choose would ever satisfy her. I am hoping this is a phase that will be overcome once the excitement of your sister and her Fiance living with your mother dies down and she realizes she isn’t losing a daughter through your marriage. You may want to approach your mother and express your emotions around this too and get everything out in the open. Regardless, while it hurts, try to look instead to the support and love of your friends and other family members (and your FI!) at this time and do your best to avoid the negativity.

    Post # 17
    Member
    37 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2015

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    FromA2B2013:  That’s a fantastic law!  Straighten your emotional crap out before the wedding or don’t bother going!

    Post # 18
    Member
    37 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    View original reply
    crazykoi:  I know what you’re saying and what you’re going through. 

    I truly doubt that your Mom is going to go all crazy at the wedding and object and stuff.  But I do think that there will be some form of drama leading up to it because it’s bound to happen whether people are super happy or not.  Just keep it moving and be confident in your choice and focus on the reason why you’re getting married.  Your Mom wouldn’t like anyone, to be honest with you.  Your aunt was right that the only way your Mom will be happy is if you remained dependent upon her— that’s not healthy for you.  So keep going and doing what you’ve been doing!

    Post # 19
    Member
    6302 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    View original reply
    crazykoi:  I have varying opinions on this kind of thing. I could never marry someone who didn’t like my family or that my family didn’t like – if they were serious or legit reasons and came from a person I respected. However, I also don’t negotiate with crazy – and while my mom isn’t that extreme we are not close. I would take what she said with a grain of salt and tell her to shut up or stay home. My dad? If he had objections I would listen to what he had to say and take it into consideration because he’s super level-headed and I respect his opinion.

    Post # 21
    Member
    3879 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Your mom is ridiculous. She’s not losing you, she’s gaining a son-in-law. Plus, assuming you’re an adult and not 16, it’s crazy to expect you to move home and stay single forever so she can have you under her thumb.

    I’d limit her involvement and proceed as normal. I also wouldn’t use the “if anyone objects” line from the ceremony. In fact, most weddings I’ve been to don’t have it in there.

    Post # 22
    Member
    1253 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    View original reply
    crazykoi:  I would limit her involvement in the wedding, but not in your life afterwards!! That is what she is afraid of. I would talk to her and reassure her that even though your relationship will change once you are married you will always love her and be there for her. Tell her how important she is to you and how you look forward to her being there for your kids! 

    Post # 23
    Member
    290 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    You should definitely not leave your Fiance and call off the wedding because of your mothers craziness. 

     

    I do not believe in the saying family first because in reality you did not choose to have those people in your life, you chose to have your Fiance in your life and for you to agree to marry him he must have many wonderful qualities and you love him alot.

     

    In the end you will have a new family that you create with your Fiance and it is not fair for your mother to expect you to give that up. As for your sister it seems to me that she is jealous and is now panning to what your mother wants as to become the “favourite” daughter. 

     

    I have never once throughout my 7 year relationship with my DH asked my parents what they think of my Fiance as I honestly do not care what they think, there is no reason for them to dislike him so any reason they could give me would be invalid.

     

    If you family cannot be happy for you to marry the man you love then they do not deserve to be there.

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