- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2015
I truly doubt that your Mom is going to go all crazy at the wedding and object and stuff. But I do think that there will be some form of drama leading up to it because it’s bound to happen whether people are super happy or not. Just keep it moving and be confident in your choice and focus on the reason why you’re getting married. Your Mom wouldn’t like anyone, to be honest with you. Your aunt was right that the only way your Mom will be happy is if you remained dependent upon her— that’s not healthy for you. So keep going and doing what you’ve been doing!
What I just don’t get is that Fiance and I *think*, at least, that we have done everything right. We finished school, are established in careers, Fiance owns a house, etc. It’s not that my sister has NOT done things “right”, but she and her Fiance are still in school, living with my mom (with no plans to move on), etc. I feel like this is the right phase in my life for this change (heck, I’m almost 30), and I just can’t wrap my head around why all of the sudden she is displaying this side of herself that I have never seen before.
My aunts, apparently, think its because she is afraid that she is losing me, and I have a sense that she is trying to “reject” me before I “reject” her by getting married. It just makes no sense to me, though. Fiance aren’t moving away- and we are both established in careers so its not like a move is on the horizon.
The only thing that I can think of, otherwise, is that some of the other people in my family have raised eyebrows at the peculiar timing of my sister’s engagement. My sister had a really hard time with me getting engaged and married before her, even though I’m 8 years older. The night I got engaged, she said she was going to lose a lot of money on the bet that I was going to “die alone.” My sister was making this wedding process kind of a nightmare, and other family members were observing that. The only other LOGICAL explanation that I can come up with for my mom acting this level of crazy is that she is splitting and trying to paint me as all bad and my sister as all good because my sister and her Fiance have plans to live with my mom forever, and so my mom is trying to defend her. Could that make any sense?
I’m just trying to wrap my head around why she is doing this. Everytime I bring it up she says that its all in my head and that I am crazy and that everything is fine. She absolutely won’t talk about it and I feel like this whole thing is a ticking time bomb. I can’t think about my wedding without crying, so I’ve stopped all wedding planning. I just don’t know how to make things better.
Your mom is ridiculous. She’s not losing you, she’s gaining a son-in-law. Plus, assuming you’re an adult and not 16, it’s crazy to expect you to move home and stay single forever so she can have you under her thumb.
I’d limit her involvement and proceed as normal. I also wouldn’t use the “if anyone objects” line from the ceremony. In fact, most weddings I’ve been to don’t have it in there.
You should definitely not leave your Fiance and call off the wedding because of your mothers craziness.
I do not believe in the saying family first because in reality you did not choose to have those people in your life, you chose to have your Fiance in your life and for you to agree to marry him he must have many wonderful qualities and you love him alot.
In the end you will have a new family that you create with your Fiance and it is not fair for your mother to expect you to give that up. As for your sister it seems to me that she is jealous and is now panning to what your mother wants as to become the “favourite” daughter.
I have never once throughout my 7 year relationship with my DH asked my parents what they think of my Fiance as I honestly do not care what they think, there is no reason for them to dislike him so any reason they could give me would be invalid.
If you family cannot be happy for you to marry the man you love then they do not deserve to be there.
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