(Closed) Afraid SO will never propose

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
4523 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@anon00:  Is there any chance he is just comfortable with where things are?  Maybe he’s happy with your current situation and fears that adding engagement and marriage into the equation may “change” things. 

Post # 5
Member
4523 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@anon00:  I think maybe saying to him exactly what you just said to me, in a sit-down atmosphere, would be how I would proceed: “Hey, you know I love and and am happy with you, but as you know marriage is really important to me, and you say it is to you as well. Is there any way we could discuss a timeline in the more near future?”

Post # 7
Member
4523 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@anon00:  You’re going to get mixed reviews on whether or not it will scare him off or not…I think it’s all about delivery: if you are firm but kind about it rather than “nagging” or insistant, you may be better recieved. Everyone is different, though, so it’s really hard to say.

Post # 9
Member
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@anon00:  I think all of the reasons your SO gave you for not rushing are EXCELLENT reasons. Has he given you any reason to believe he won’t follow through on anything he has said? Early twenties is still very very young and you say you won’t want kids for another 5 – 6 years. What’s the rush?

Patience is a virtue. Don’t wish time away so the future will get here faster, because one day you will wake up and wonder where it all went. Enjoy every single minute of your life in the here and now.

Post # 10
Member
808 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

My husband and I met in our 30s….but he told he personally didn’t start thinking about marriage as something he even wanted until around 29-30.  I can’t speak for your SO, but maybe he just wants more time to be “young”. I know guys that got married at 22, and some that are 41 and still not ready.  🙂

Look for Mr. Bee’s 3 step plan…when I was waiting it helped alot to focus on non-wedding things, stop brining it up (so hard)and working on myself. 

Give it some more time (6 months even) and have a conversation about what you’re feeling. 

Good luck!

Post # 13
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think those are very valid reasons.  He’s being responsible.  Weddings are expensive, houses are more expensive, kids are even MORE expensive.  You don’t want to start your lives together in debt (barring student loans), so I totally see where he’s coming from. 

I also agree with the maturity comment.  Who cares if the rest of the world is getting married?  It’s not about them, it’s about you two.  What I got out of your reasons was that you’ve been together for almost 5 years, so he’s SUPPPOSED to ask you.  You don’t want to get left behind from all your other engaged friends, so he should ask you.  You’re mad that he’s not trying to make sure you don’t leave.  You didn’t give a single good reason to get engaged.  You never said “I love this man, and we’ve talked about a future together.” 

Post # 14
Member
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@hassle_J:  +1. SO and I did not meet until we were in our thirties (he was already 37), and neither of us could have ever imagined or seriously considered marriage at a younger age. I didn’t even know who I really was until age 29, and at 31 I am still uncovering new things about myself all the time. My Fiance feels the same way.

Post # 16
Member
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@anon00:  You are looking at it all wrong…the reasons he gave are all sound and logical and make a lot of sense. You sound a little immature to be marrying if you really think he would propose sooner if only you were prettier. You have some growing to do if you really believe that.

ETA: Also, trust me…you don’t want your future husband to marry you for your looks because one day you will be old and ugly like the rest of us and then where will he be?

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