(Closed) Afraid to tell anyone we're trying?

posted 7 years ago in TTC
Post # 17
4581 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

We didn’t tell people we were trying.

Post # 18
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@lazybee123:  we’re not TTC until this coming March/April but we’ve already decided to tell no one. Not even close family. People at work already stare me up and down trying to see if im KU already and DH’s family is super forward with the ‘you’re next’ ‘get on it’ ‘why aren’t you pregnant yet’  talk. I just feel like if they knew we were TTC it would be even worse. My stock answer, which will remain my stock answer even when TTC, is that DH isn’t ready and that he wants to have a house and ton of money in the bank- then I just act like ‘oh well what can you do’! I’d rather surprise people with being KU than have everyone looking at me constantly trying to figure out if I am or not! 

Post # 19
1341 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

We decided not to tell anyone when we do TTC.  I don’t want the pressure of people trying to figure out if I’m pregnant.  Also, everyone has an opinion and I just don’t want to hear it.

Post # 20
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@lazybee123:  Yes, I would wait until I was already several weeks along, You definitely don’t need to disclose that you are TTC. I always think its weird when people tell me this, because I hate hearing about other people’s sex lives, LOL.

Post # 21
3751 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I wish we hadn’t told people. Now everywhere I go I get scrutinized. Am I drinking? If not, why not? When I give a valid reason, like just not wanting to that day, am I lying? Why am I carrying a bottle of water around? Do I look tired? It’s exhausting. I also did get pregnant this year, told everyone way too early, and had a MC and had to tell everyone. It SUCKED.

If you need to, tell a select person or few that you can trust and that won’t pester you about it. It helps to have a woman that gets it to talk to. I have my sister and I’m very lucky for that.

Post # 22
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

When people asked us if we were trying (married about a year) , I’d say… we’re just letting whatever happens happen. That way it wasn’t out that we were actively TTC..and there wasn’t really any pressure. I rathered people didn’t know .. that way it’s more of a surprise when the time comes to announce anyway right? 

Post # 23
11163 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
@aliavenue:  The only people who know we are trying are my two closest female friends (for emotional support)…and of course all of WB, but you guys don’t count. 😉

I have no intention to tell anyone else or announce that we are TTC due to the various complications that come with that news. They will know when I am pregnant and past the 12 week mark. 🙂

Post # 24
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

@lazybee123:  Too small for FMLA? That seriously. seriously enrages me. Women and families need more affordable, accomodating options for raising children. Grrrrrrr. I digress.

I wouldn’t tell anyone you are trying. It’s no one’s business. I wouldn’t even tell family until 8 weeks of being pregnant!


Post # 25
1060 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

No one in real life knows we are TTC. my mom thinks we will try next year. whenever anyone pesters us with asking when we are having babies I started telling them that we are just practicing right now. That shuts them up fast!! Lol

Post # 26
3571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I haven’t really said anything about planning to TTC to anyone. But I’ve also been pretty open among friends that I use charting for birth control, and they more or less know that I have the baby rabies. They probably assume we’ll be trying as soon as DH gets back (more or less true). 

My family – other than the fact I randomly make comments about babies (Example: My mom and I were talking about my siblings and their car seats – my sister is 10 and not 80 pounds but mom decided to let her off the booster this year. And I said something about the latch system in my car, and the new snow suit freakout on the internet.) which must obviously let them know that I at least read about stuff… they know nothing. They will also likely be among the last to know when we get a BFP. Lovely people, but not huge on boundaries, listening, etc. I’ll definitely be telling my friends first. God forbid we have a miscarriage, the thought of having to talk to my whole family about it makes me want pre-emptively cringe. (Because as soon as I tell one person anything, the WHOLE family konws.)

Post # 27
1647 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Rustic mill, historical site

We made the mistake of telling people ‘not until after the wedding’ when people got curious, just to get them to stop asking.   Well, now it’s after the wedding, and they’re all like   “…well?   Your not doing you job right!”   

Ugh.   I wish we’d just told people to mind their own business.

Post # 28
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

I don’t get the “We’re trying!” announcements. Nobody needs to know. The only thing it can possibly do is set you up for failure. Now, it also depends on if you know ahead of time that you will need that support (i.e., if you miscarry or something). But, in that case, I don’t see why you can’t just open up to people afterward; it’s actively your choice at that point. 

It also sets you up for, “Pregnant yet? Now? How about now?” for potentially months or years. I’m in my 7th month trying now; I can just imagine had I told my family I was trying. I already get the “heeheehee, when are you going to give her a baby?” comments that make me want to auto-punch someone in the face. Usually in-laws. It would figure they’re pretty average on the fertility spectrum, whereas my parents, brother and several other relatives have taken more than a year to conceive for no apparent reason.

So, I can only imagine if I giddily told everyone we were trying. I also just don’t think it’s anyone’s business. I’ve found that people tend to be far more critical of information they hear ahead of time – i.e., you plan to have a baby; what you plan to name your baby, etc. It’s honestly just better to let them all know afterward if you know their opinions will do nothing but piss you off. 

I remember my mother-in-law famously telling me, after mishearing me (thinking I said, “I want to be a mom,” rather than what I really said, “I want to be an aunt,”), “You two have to get married first and then you have to wait a few years!” I was stunned into silence – I couldn’t even find it in me to correct her. I just ignored her. That was about a year and a half ago, before we got engaged or married. 

She’ll be real surprised when she finds out at 20+ weeks. I don’t have time for unsolicited advice.

Post # 29
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My husband and I just started trying, and we haven’t told a soul. I think we’ve even thrown our grandbaby-hungry parents off the scent, because they haven’t brought it up since the wedding. I really wanted to talk to my mom or a close girlfriend about it, but having just officially ended my first cycle with a stark white BFN and early AF, I’m so glad I didn’t. It’s bummer enough having to tell H that this wasn’t our cycle; I can’t imagine having to bring it up over and over.

I think we will tell parents and siblings early on when we do get a BFP, perhaps around 6 weeks or so. I’d want their support if something happened anyway. They’d be sworn to absolute silence, under threat of not being able to see the baby for a week after the birth if they tell anyone before we’re ready to announce 😉

Post # 30
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I really don’t think the fact that we’re trying to have a baby is anyones business so we haven’t told anyone when we were TTC our 2 children. We really don’t need the added pressure of people asking about how things are going etc.

Post # 31
9781 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t plan on telling anyone until we’re actually pregnant (and preferably a little ways along). I don’t really think it’s anyone else’s business.

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