Post # 32
I agree – I don’t really think that people need to necessarily know that we are/aren’t TTC. They’ll know when I’m actually pregnant. Plus, I kind of feel like that’s the joy of it all, isn’t it? Surprising people with the news that your family is growing? All this being said, some of my best friends know, but mainly because they won’t back down on the whole “my kid needs a friend” thing! Haha.
Post # 33
@lazybee123: Great topic!
Just a week ago DH and I started contemplating seriously about having a baby. We just married on 10-10 so this is very new for us both! Before anything gets seriously started (I’m thinking a year before we actually are active with it) I want to go to a GYN to get checked out as I’m 36 and never been pregnant. I just want to get scoped out and a thumbs up it’s ok to try and have all my questions answered.
Anyway, I shared this with a pregnant gf who already has a child and her response wasn’t very warm. Of course it’s our life and our excitement is the only thing that matters but I was a little hurt. Sometimes I feel I can’t win…
So because of that now I’m not going to say anything unless we are pregnant.
edit: I read some of the other responses and I’m surprised more are choosing to keep it to themselves. In my circle I know who is trying and when. Not big details but I’ve had plenty of friends tell me they are trying or will start trying ____. I would never dream of asking for updates…I just guessed if it happened I would hear about it!
Post # 34
@lazybee123: I wouldnt tell people. Its like ‘hey, im having sex with my husband tonight’ awkward!!!!! Also, if you dont get pregnant right away those people you told will start wondering why you arent pregnant yet. Then they will all feel sorry for you and keep asking every month if you are pregnant…..nope. Its a private matter. You can say you and your DH would like to have family soon and keep it at that.
Post # 35
I remember being out to dinner with my husband’s parents, his sister and her husband about 2 years ago.
“Guess what,” his sister blurts out. “We’re off of birth control now, so we are officially trying for a baby!”
I stared at her awkwardly like she was an alien with 7 heads. Announcing this to family is weird, in my books, for one. Then there’s the whole fact that she did this out in a restaurant, with people at nearby tables craning their heads to look at her…like she was an alien.
Then the next awkward hour consisted of only discussions about that sort of thing, what they would name their future kids, etc.
Just…don’t. For the love of God, don’t subject the rest of us to this!
Post # 36
My Brother-In-Law and SIL announced their pregnancy totally out of the blue a few months ago. We really thought she’d never want kids. But we were totally cool with that – we don’t need to know what they’re doing. Ick.
If I told anyone in my family, it would get back to my Grandma and that’s the last person I need asking me about my sex life. Just… no. I know she’d like another great-grandchild, and I’ll get around to it when I get around to it, and she’ll find out about 6 months before he/she is going to arrive.
We are very private people in general though – we never told anyone that we were contemplating marriage, had purchased a ring, etc.
ETA – My other SIL told the whole world that she wanted a baby and told me all the time her plans of exactly when she went off the pill and when they were going to start actually trying. So I know my neice was a “we’re drunk, eh, screw the condom just this once.” It was a happy “accident” and she was only a few months earlier than planned, but still… I shouldn’t know that.
Post # 37
Thanks everyone! I guess I feel like I should tell my family because we’re all spread out across the country and I don’t want to take anyone by surprise because we haven’t even really hinted that we’re thinking about kids in the near future (we weren’t until recently when my DH got baby fever 🙂 )… But I also don’t want to tell because then (like a lot of you said) I would probably get bombarded with nosy questions… And I definitely don’t want them to think about us doing IT haha… I guess I’ll just take all of your advice and keep quiet! Thanks for letting me know I’m not crazy in wanting to keep quiet, on here it seems like everyone is open about TTC with their family!
Post # 38
we kept totally mum about it… now we are 8 weeks pregnant and we are still totally quiet. We won’t be telling until 13 weeks!
Post # 39
I think it’s your decision to tell people you’re trying or not, but be prepared for opinions about it. DH and I are going to start trying in June. I chose to tell my mom and my grandmother who are super supportive. I also mentioned it to my best friend. She wasn’t so supportive. She told me I was crazy to have a kid this young and she couldn’t understand it. (I’ll be 25 when I have the kid) She said she had way to many things she wanted to do before kids. She is in a very different place in her life than I am. She isn’t married and is still in school, so she hasn’t started her “adult” job yet. So it makes sense that she isn’t ready. She seemed to think that because she isn’t ready that I shouldn’t be either. She said it would be too hard staying friends if I have a kid and she doesn’t. The way she said it kind of hurt my feelings. I think if I had just announced I was pregnant she might not have said these things to me.
Post # 40
I actively lie to family, OP. My mother-in-law caught me offguard one day and asked when we were going to have kids.
I told her, “Never.” It’s a good thing she never poked her head into our storage closet. 😀 I will actively lie to both families, even denying that I’m pregnant, until I’m ready to tell.
Life is much easier this way, let me tell you.
Post # 41
I’m the same way, we’re telling people we’re still not sure about kids and don’t know when we’ll start trying. They still ask!
I just got off the pill and my skin has broken out like crazy and my hair is greasy so I feel like everyone probably knows anyways though.