(Closed) Afraid to tell parents we are engaged……

posted 9 years ago in Family
  • poll: Should we wait to tell or to get engaged?

    Wait to tell people

    Tell Everyone

    Wait to get engaged

    Figure it out on our own

  • Post # 3
    1223 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    Live your life tell the truth and whatever happens deal with it as adults. Love each other and don’t live your life on someone else’s approval, even if that means  moving out and renting a room. Good luck your mom will come around.

    Post # 4
    167 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @figure8:  I totally agree with mishagirls79! If you’re both truly in love no one can keep you apart. Congratulations on finding someone to spend your life with and best of luck sharing your exciting news with your family and friends.

    Post # 5
    1486 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    If you are afraid to tell your parents, you should not be getting married. If you parents’ permission actually matters, you should not be getting married. If you cannot afford to live on your own as adults, you should not be getting married. Find ways around these problems or delay it.

    Post # 6
    319 posts
    Helper bee


    Why does your mom hate him?  You are awfully young to get married.  I know you say you’ve been together 5 years but honestly, teenage years don’t really count.  You aren’t the adults you will grow into yet.  Good luck if that’s what you decide to do though.

    Post # 7
    308 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Why get engaged if you can’t even afford to live on your own? That just seems weird to me. I would wait, personally.

    Post # 8
    3518 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Be honest, and be willing to ignore anyone who doesn’t support you. (This means EITHER wait, OR tell everyone, but either way, be honest and use peoples reactions to either one as a litmus for how much they really trust and respect you.)

    Post # 11
    6317 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @distracts:  +1

    I don’t want to be a stick in the mud, but if I were you I’d hold off on officially getting engaged until you can afford to live like a married couple. It’s just easier that way. Your mom hates him… is there a reason why? I’m not saying she is right, but usually parents want what’s best for their kids. My mom hated the guy I was dating at 21 for good reason.

    At least wait until you can afford to live together… you’re 21… it may not seem like it, but you have all the time in the world!

    Post # 12
    2748 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I say don’t get engaged unless you are capable of supporting yourself. Fiance and I have been together for 6.5 years, we could have gotten engaged in college, all of my friends told me ‘you’re practically engaged’, but we waited until we graduated. We didn’t get engaged until we had our own household that we don’t need any support to maintain. Now FI’s mother and grandmother are rather upset about our engagement, but there’s nothing they can do about it. We’re self-sufficient adults and they need to learn to accept it, or risk losing Fiance. If you want to have complete say in your life, you need to not be dependent on other people.

    Another thing, something that made my parents feel better about our youth is the fact that we are opting for a long engagement, though that doesn’t sound as helpful in your case.

    Post # 14
    1835 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Honestly, I usually am pretty suspect when someone claims to be more mature than the average teenager.

    I think 21 is pretty darn young, especially if you aren’t on your own yet. There’s a LOT of growing and maturing you both have to do, and while you can probably do it together, waiting until you’re stable and able to stand on your own two feet to make the commitment is probably a really wise decision. I got engaged at 23 when I was already paying all my own bills and living alone, and it was still difficult at a young age.

    Just because you aren’t engaged doesn’t mean you’re “hiding” your love. Love and commitment should be strong and unwavering with or without a ring – you want a solid foundation before you try to build a house overtop.

    The fact that your mom doesn’t trust him does raise some questions to my mind. WHY doesn’t she trust him? Has there been infidelity in the past? Suspicious behavior on his part?

    Post # 15
    1391 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    If you are afraid to tell your parents then I don’t think you are ready to get married. And if you can’t afford to move out & live as a married couple then you shouldn’t be getting married. You are young & have plenty of time. Maybe you don’t need to wait the 6yrs your mom wants but until you are financially stable. 

    Post # 16
    1835 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @figure8:  Who’s paying for school – you or her? If she’s paying for your education, I can kind of see why she’d want to make sure you’re making that your top priority. If, however, she’s simply providing the roof over your head while you work and get an education – it’s a slippery slope, because I am a firm believer that any adult who chooses to stay under the roof of a parent/guardian should follow their basic rules so long as those rules aren’t severely infringing. And if they are, the choice is move out or work out a deal (such as paying rent/helping with bills in exchange for freedom to do as you please).

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