Post # 1
I’m not engaged yet, but when I fantasize about telling everyone, I feel like telling one friend in particular will be uncomfortable.
She’s been with her boyfriend for 4 years, and wants to get married and have kids, but they’ve been having relationship problems lately. She wants a serious commitment and her boyfriend won’t even move in with her. They really love each other, but he’s told her before that he doesn’t think he wants to get married. They’re in counseling now.
I already basically have exactly what she wants out of her relationship (we’ve lived together over 5 years, bought a house last year). I feel that when I do get engaged, she will be upset.
So, I’m just curious, anyone have a friend it was uncomfortable announcing your engagement to?
Post # 3
If you think she’ll be jealous maybe announce it in a group setting so it doesn’t seem like…youre shoving it in her face(since she is likely to get jealous). Or maybe text a picture “this just happened! I’m so excited! Call you later!!” etc or whatever.lol.
idk,I at least think this girl will pretend to be happy for you. Good luck
Post # 4
Oh, I’m not THAT concerned about it…I know she’ll be happy for us…but I also know it will hurt her a little bit, so telling her will be uncomfortable (for example, she has a tendency to start crying when I ask how things are going with her boyfriend–uncomfortable).
I’m curious if anyone else has ever felt that discomfort.
Post # 5
To be honest, if I knew someone was going to cry tears of sadness when I tell them I’m engaged, I wouldn’t tell them one to one. I’d just let them find out over Facebook or by telling her in a group. I’d become scarred to have a friend react like that towards my happy news. But mainly because I’ve spent more time being the friend waiting.
I’ve had four people close to me become engaged since I started the ‘waiting’ phase a year ago, and I was over the moon happy tears and squeals for them. Yeah, after the initial happy buzz for them wore off, I felt sad, bummed, bitter and sometimes angry. But it was with myself and my situation, never them. And I kept it to myself and dealt with it privately. Or if I did talk to someone, it was my married friends because I felt it was more appropriate. I work very diligently to ensure that my problems don’t deter from another’s happiness.
Post # 6
It’s nice of you to think of her. As we can see here on the Bee jealousy gets the best of us sometimes. I don’t think there’s much you can do to help her feel better. You don’t want her to feel like you feel bad for her. I would try to be as normal as possible.
Post # 7
I will most likely be telling her in a group setting. She’s too close to find out over FB.
I know how it feels to watch people around you get married when you want it so much. I guess I’m just anticipating this reaction from her because I would feel a little jealous too, and she’s far more emotional than I am.
Post # 8
I just recently got engaged but had a friend in the EXACT same situation as your friend and about a month ago, my fiance and I got engaged. I was panicked about telling her and I casually had to drop it into a conversation and I tried to seem as unexcited as possible so she wouldn’t get too worked up. Her first response was “Well at least one of us got a ring,” and then rushed me off the phone. I know she was going through a lot but that comment really stung. I just decided to not make it an issue and a few days later she came to her senses and apologized. From that point forward she has been nothing but supportive.
I think cutting your friend some slack when you make that announcment is the key. You certainly don’t want to magnify the inadequacies in her relationship and I am sure she doesn’t want you to feel like your engagment shouldn’t be special. I’d just take any less than ideal responses with a grain of salt.
Post # 9
All of my friends were happy for me when I got engaged. Anyone who would be upset with me for having a good thing happen in my life isn’t someone I’d consider a real friend.
Post # 10
I have one friend who will be jealous when I get engaged – she’s said as much – but she’s my friend and I know as much as it will hurt her, she would never publicly react in a less that happy way.
To be honest, I would be really disappointed in her if she acted jealous towards me or was rude or snarky. She’s my friend and she should be happy for me!
Obviously I’ll do my best not to ‘rub it in her face’ but it’s not going to be something I walk around on egg shells about.
Post # 11
I’m actually in this position RIGHT NOW, only from the other end! I’ve been with my Boyfriend or Best Friend 5, almost 6, years. She’s been with her now fiance for just over 3, and she’s been acting all anxious and what not bc her fiance is a lot older than us. I would even get annoyed when she would get annoyed that they weren’t engaged, like HELLO! I KNOW i’ll be engaged soon, and I’m not worried that it’s not going to happen I just REALLY REALLY thought I’d be next and it bummed me out BAD.
I’m happy for my bff, and I would never ACT jealous, or make it seem like I was anything but happy for her, but I can’t pretend there aren’t pangs of jealousy here and there! Mostly I joke about how my bf is ruining our plans for a joint wedding 😛 I’m gonna be a bridesmaid and I’m super excited to do all the wedding stuff with her, and after about 10 mins and a little pep talk to myself about not being a shitty friend and snapping the f out of it, I was legit excited and ready to start planning stuff with her and gushing and getting the full scoop and everything.
Now, there seem to be some differences, I have a great relationship with my man and the engagement is not something I’m wondering IF it’s coming, I’m wondering WHEN it’s coming, but we’re both on the same page. It sounds like if your friend is going to be jealous it’s because she’s already jealous of how great your relationship is!
Honestly, if she can’t hold back whatever feelings she happens to be feeling and just let herself feel happy for you, especially when you first tell her, Or if she can’t at the very least be like oh my goooood I’M SUPER JELLY BUT I’M SO SO SO HAPPY FOR YOU!. then she’s being a bad friend! If roles were reversed I’m sure your happiness for your friend would outweigh any jealousy you might be feeling!
Post # 12
- Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta
@Yak: Two if our best friends got engaged a week before us. I knew the day was approaching for us and didn’t want to see our friends until we were engaged too… So I can understand the hesitation. I wouldn’t worry about it until you have to, who knows maybe they’ll break up or maybe they’ll get engaged.
Post # 13
your response made me feel better for some reason. It’s not like she’s a crappy friend and will be mad at us for getting engaged, but I just don’t want to make her feel sad! She and her bf are an excellent couple. They get along great and are affectionate. It’s just the commitment issue. For a while it looked like we were in similar positions with our SOs…it took mine a long time to tell me he loved me, and so did hers. Neither of them really talk aboit their feelings. It was sort of like we were in the same position but me and SO were one step ahead. but an engagement would be ANOTHER step ahead, that her bf isn’t willing to take, and while I would never put my life on hold to spare her feelings, I do still have a bit of guilt for each pang of jealousy I know she feels.
Post # 14
I’m kind of worried they’ll break up before we get engaged! It’s kind of a shit-or-get-off-the-pot moment for them.
Post # 15
I had a friend stop talking to me after I got engaged. Her and her boyfriend were together for 5 years, she wanted a commitment but he wouldnt give her one (her was previously married), she wanted to live with him, he wouldnt live with her, he wanted to buy a house for them and they also both had kids so they could live like a family but he refused to let her be on the mortgage or the deed. She was my best friend, or so I thought. After my engagemet within about 2 weeks she delted me on facebook, block me, didnt return phone calls, or emails, nothing. We went from talking everysingle day to absolutely nothing. It was pretty sad. The fact that she would throw away a friendship over jealousy shows she wasnt a real friend to begin with so im kind of glad shes gone.
If your friend is a true friend she will be by your side and support you no matter how jealous she may be on the inside. You can’t hold your life back because you are worried of a friend being jealous.
Post # 16
that’s awful! I can’t see my friend doing that, but I’m sure you didn’t see it coming either. I’m sorry you had to go through that.